


The Outlaw

by carriethemet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barn Sex, Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Fingerfucking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, I did a lot of research, Loss of Virginity, Naked Female Clothed Male, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Porn With Plot, Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Kylo Ren, Rough Sex, SO, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Soft Kylo Ren, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, author is a virgo, historically accurate contraception, its the wild west yall, kylo ren is an outlaw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:48:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 47,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28607766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carriethemet/pseuds/carriethemet
Summary: It is the Wild West y'all, and when the outlaw Kylo Ren rides through town, no one is safe from him stealing their life or their heart.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 47
Kudos: 200





	1. Chapter 1

You tried not to glare at Mrs. Royce as she ordered a bag of flour, a bag of sugar, a bag of coffee, and more of the heaviest things in the shop. You ran around behind the counter, trying to keep up with her as she continued to list items off for her order. You kept glancing at your boss, waiting for him to stop her, but Mr. Clayton just kept writing everything down. When she finally stopped and you dropped the last package down, you heard her tell Clayton to add it to her husband’s credit at the store. You tried not to roll your eyes, at least not where she would see it. 

Working in a shop was not fun. You should be grateful for the work, for a purpose each day, but it was not what you had been promised when you boarded the orphan train headed west. You were only given the instructions that you needed to get adopted somewhere along the train path or get off. Being one of the oldest children, you were looked at more as an indentured servant rather than a potential child. When the train stopped in Jakku, the town collectively decided to adopt you, if that was even legal? To be fair, nothing was really legal out here. Outlaws, robbers, bandits, gangs, and murders essentially ran free. It was actually quite exciting. The Claytons took you on to work at the shop in exchange for your food and housing when you weren’t at school when you first arrived years ago. Now that you had finished school, you were free to choose your own path, although you didn’t quite know what that would mean. Secretly you dreamed of the freedom and adventures that the outlaws had, always on the run, always thinking of the next destination. It was just a fantasy though, so you continued to work in the shop until you could think of something better. Not many opportunities out here for a woman to be independent and respectable.

“And I’ll need help carrying this all home of course.” Mrs. Royce said in her sickly sweet voice. You could tell that was directed towards you. Mr. Clayton nodded at you, giving you leave to become a pack mule. You lifted as much as you could carry while Mrs. Royce bid her good-byes, gesturing for you to follow her. The woman didn’t even hold the door open for you as she stepped outside the shop. 

Jakku was dusty and dry. The sun beat down on you as you followed Mrs. Royce down the street, stopping and waiting for her to finish talking to everyone she ran into. Your mouth was dry, you had dust in your eyes, and you could feel the skin on your scalp burning where your braids were parted. 

Just when you were about to ask Mrs. Royce if you could set something down, you heard guns go off on the East end of the town. Whipping your head around you could see them in the distance. The Knights of Ren! The most notorious gang of bandits that plagued the towns for a few months now. While they had been up and down most of the Outer Rim, they had not come to Jakku before. You would recognize them anywhere. Their wanted posters were hung up all over town with a reward for any and all of them. No one knew what they really looked like though. Part of their gimmick was that they all wore masks and they were all always dressed in black. You squinted as you counted how many there were riding into town. There were the main gang of six that rode around the rim, sometimes joined by their leader Kylo Ren. As you counted as shiver ran down your spine. Jakku was in for a treat, because Ren had decided to join his men today. 

The seven riders started firing their weapons as they got closer to town. All around you people started screaming and running for cover. Mrs. Royce had abandoned you and her goods at the side of the road. You didn’t know what to do. Drop the packages and run or try and escape with the goods. You didn’t get the chance to make the choice though, as the Knights descended upon the town. Three of them hopped off their horses and started entering the businesses and robbing them. Another three rode past you, one of them stopping in front of the saloon, the other two heading for the bank. One black horse came to a halt directly in front of you. 

As you looked slowly up the horse to see it’s rider, you got butterflies in your stomach. The sun was in your eyes, but you could tell that whichever one this was, was a very big man. 

“Well this is something you don’t see everyday.” A deep voice rumbled. You felt a shiver run down your spine as you watched the rider get down from his horse.

“I could say the same to you.” You replied. The rider turned and faced you. Under his wide black hat you saw a head full of lush black wavy hair. The mask was made of a black material, and covered the top half of his face. Amber eyes met yours as the outlaw looked you over. 

“I’ll be taking those goods from them, if you don’t mind handing them over.” He told you, resting his hand casually on his pistol holstered at his hip. You wanted to laugh, but figured that might not be the best move. So instead you dropped the packages and stepped back. 

As the bandit started picking them up and putting them in his saddle bag, you knew you should probably take the opportunity to run. You knew he wasn’t going to hurt you, although his reputation said otherwise. Instead you just watched him, his large arms easily lifting the bags that had nearly wiped you out. When he finished loading up, he turned and tipped his hat at you and started to mount his horse.

“What’s your name?” You asked, not ready for him to leave. Honestly this had been the most exciting thing to happen since the Blake’s barn burned down last year. The outlaw tilted his head at you, but answered nonetheless. “Kylo Ren.” Oh. This was  _ the _ outlaw. If anything it just gave you more butterflies.

“Is that your real name?” You asked. Ren laughed. “Why do you ask that?” He questioned, stepping towards you. You tried to hide your nervous gulp.

“Well, from what I’ve read about bandits and outlaws is that a lot of them just go by nicknames. Like Billy the Kid, Butch Cassidy, and Black Jack Christian. Is Kylo Ren your real name?” You asked.

“If you called me by any other name than Kylo Ren, it would be the last thing you say.” Ren told you. He said it as easily as if you were discussing the weather. “What’s your name?” He asked curiously.

“My name or what they call me?” You asked coyly. Ren grinned, big lush lips and an easy smile you could tell he didn’t show often. He had no laugh lines. You told him your name. You probably shouldn’t have, what with him being a criminal and all, but you wanted him to know it.

“Do they call you anything else here?” He asked. 

“Well...no...not yet at least.” You confessed. 

“Yet?”

“I want to be an outlaw too.” You blurted out. Ren stared at you, trying to tell if you were serious or not.

“Why would you want to be an outlaw? Have you ever done a wicked thing in your life?” He asked, his voice dropping so low, that you were struck again with the shivers. You shook your head no, feeling stupid and stared at your feet. A gloved hand reached out and tilted your chin up. You gasped as you stared up into his eyes. He was so close you could smell him, leather and fire and something else you couldn’t quite name.

“Believe me, Wildfire, it’s no life for you.” He told you. You could feel his breath hot on your face and it made you want to melt.

“Take me with you.” You pleaded. Ren chuckled and started to step back when you grabbed his wrist. He looked down at your grasp and back to your face. You stared at him, both of you waiting to see who would break first. You didn’t have a gun like he did, you were sure he killed over less. If you didn’t challenge him though, here and now, then you would wonder ‘what if’ for the rest of your life. 

Suddenly Ren moved forward and kissed you. In your surprise you let go of his arm, your arms crushed against his chest, the firmness of the muscle there alerting you that he was much, much stronger than you. Just as you were about to kiss him back, Kylo released you and mounted his horse.

“Maybe next time, Wildfire.” He called to you as he started to ride away. His Knights rode past and just as quickly as they arrived, they were gone. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can move forward, but not on.

Next time he had said. Well, ‘maybe next time’ technically, but still. You spent weeks waiting for the Knights of Ren to come back. As summer ended though, you realized they wouldn’t be back anytime soon. You weren’t going to waste your life waiting around for some weird named outlaw to come take you away to join his gang. So you made a decision, no more shop and no more waiting around for things to happen.

Your former teacher Amilyn Holdo was more than happy to take you under her wing and start to train you to be a teacher. You had enjoyed school, especially since Holdo helped you catch up with everything you had missed out from years in the orphanage. You quickly caught up and graduated at the top of your class. You were still an outsider in Jakku though, even though the town had taken you in. So you watched from the side as all your classmates got married and started having babies and working their own land. 

Land, there was so much of it out here. Back east in the city of Coruscant where you were born, there were more people than there was space to breath essentially. That's why they sent the orphans to the Outer Rim. Yes, it was to provide them with a ‘happy’ life, but it was also just to get them out and away from being vagrants in the overpopulated city. When your train was finally clear of the city, you could hardly believe your eyes. Why would anyone live crammed up and crowded against each other when there was all of this for the taking? Not that you were really allowed to own your own land though. The one law they didn’t really bend around her was that only men could own property. Not cool. As a teacher though, the town you worked in would provide your housing and pay you. So in a way it was taking it back. 

You moved out from the Claytons and in with Holdo and her sickly parents. There wasn’t any personal space, but you were used to that. From the orphanage to the train to the Claytons you were sort of just stuck in wherever you could fit. No where to truly call your own. That was why you were working though. The promise of freedom in a way. A chance to get out of Jakku and see some new places. 

At first, helping Holdo seemed like it would be no problem. You learned quickly and teaching had to be easy, you had watched Holdo do it so seamlessly every day for years. It turns it, it was much harder than you anticipated. The one room schoolhouse had all the children of all ages working and learning together. Teaching various levels of various lessons all at the same time, while keeping order felt impossible. You soon figured out a system to get things to work, and the tiredness you felt at the end of the day, was the good kind. Just as you got settled with the students though, then you had to deal with the parents. They complained about everything! From who their child was seated next to, to how it was impossible that their child was getting low marks on his reading. You literally watched this student open his book, tear out a piece of paper and eat it. It was your fault that he did this though, because the book was ‘too challenging’ for him. 

Then of course, there were the complaints about you! How you wore your hair (in one braid instead of two now, thank you very much), how you dressed, where you went and what you did outside of the schoolhouse. It was all worth it though to see your students grow and learn in front of you everyday. By the time Spring rolled around, you had long moved on from that stupid outlaw and his stupid kiss. 

It had been a great day, so you and Holdo decided to let the students go home early as a reward for their behavior. As you and Holdo started clearing and cleaning up the classroom. You heard it. Gunshots ringing through the air. Holdo turned to you, wide-eyed. You knew you were both thinking of the same thing. The children. Not thinking twice, you burst through the doors and ran towards town. The schoolhouse was just North of town, on the outskirts. Many of the farms on Jakku were to the West, so your students who lived out there were out of harm's way in their path. As for your students who lived in town though-

You lifted your skirts and started running South, as quickly as your legs would carry you. There had been a few crews that had come through Jakku in the last year, some just came looking for trouble and others just came for a good time at the saloon. It was the middle of the afternoon though, so whoever had come through was not here to play nice. You saw three of the children huddled together behind the Mercantile. You quickly ran up to them, and pulled them behind you. Three with you now. You knew there were at least another two who lived in town, all the other students thankfully lived at the surrounding homesteads, out of the way. The children latched on to your skirts as you peered down the alleyway. All seemed clear. If you could just get them into a residence and out from the open, you could run back to the school house and barricade yourself in with Holdo. If something happened on your way back, better to you than to the children. You turned to the three and motioned for them to remain quiet and follow you. 

As you crept down the alleyway you kept an eye out for the other two students. There appeared to be no one on this stretch of road in tow. The yelling and other ruckus must all be based on Main Street. Perfect. As you reached the end of the alley, just across the street was the Royce’s house. You knew they had plenty of room to hide the children in. Before you crossed you turned back to the three with you.

“Where are the others who walk to town with you?” You asked them. They stared at you with wide fearful eyes before the oldest of the three, Murphy, told you. “They went to their Grandpa’s farm today. He promised them they could ride the horses.” You sighed in relief. They would have gone West too then. 

“Stay close to me. If you hear any yelling or gunshots close by, go straight into Mrs. Royce’s house. Do you understand?” The three nodded. “When you get inside,” you continued, “Go straight upstairs and stay away from the windows. Mrs. Royce will get your parents when the bandits are gone. Okay?” The children nodded again. 

“Grab my hands, Murphy, take your sister’s. We’re going to run as fast as we can. Alright?” 

“Yes, Miss.” They responded, grabbing each other's hands as tightly as they could. You check the street again. No one was on it, but you could hear the gunshots getting closer. Now or never. 

You ran across the street, kicking up dust behind you. You reached Mrs. Royce’s door and started banging on it. “OPEN UP!” You yelled. “PLEASE OPEN UP! THE CHILDREN NEED SHELTER!” You shouted. On the other side of the door you could hear voices and footsteps approaching the door. After a series of rattles and locks unclicking, Mrs. Royce’s maid opened the door. You pushed children inside and thanked her. 

“Aren’t you coming in too?” The maid asked fearfully. 

“I need to help Holdo protect the schoolhouse.” You told her. “Make sure you get them back to their parents when they’re gone.” The maid nodded and locked the door. You turned back and started running as fast as you could towards the schoolhouse.

You had to stop to catch your breath. You were away from town, where all the unseen action was happening. It would be fine to duck behind the Blake’s barn and catch your breath. You leaned against the watch, trying to let your heart rate slow down to a healthier speed.

“You are not easy to find.” A deep voice rumbled to your left. Gasping you turned and saw Kylo Ren, standing by the doors to the barn. So much from slowing your heart rate. You stumbled back a step at the sight of him. It had been almost a year since you saw him last, but he looked mostly the same. Not that you would be able to tell much though with the mask and all.

“Shouldn’t you be with your Knights?” You asked.

“They’re perfectly capable without me for a bit.” He told you. His eyes scanned you, pausing on your still heaving chest as you were still trying to catch your breath, before he met your gaze with his amber eyes. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked.

“Business...and pleasure.” He said, stepping towards you. You felt your heart drop to your stomach.

“Oh?” You asked as he continued to walk towards you. You felt like a prey animal that was being stalked by a much bigger and stronger predator. He closed the distance between the two of you, reaching out and lifting your chin. His touch mirroring back to the last time you were this close.

“You’re hard to shake, Wildfire.” He whispered, bending down to kiss you below your ear. It was hard not to shudder from the feeling, you could feel him smirk against your skin.

“I’m sure you say that to all of the girls you kiss and leave behind.” You told him, leaning away. You knew you wanted his hands and lips on you more than anything else in the world right now, but you weren’t gonna let it be that easy for him. He left you high and dry, so it was only fair to keep him off for a few more minutes…

“Did I hurt your feelings?” He asked. His voice didn’t reveal anything, he seemed more curious than actually caring about what your response would be. 

“Do you care either way?” You replied. He stared at you before shrugging.

“Then no. You didn’t. I do understand a bit about how the world works you know?” You told him, reaching up to place your hand over his and slide his hand from your chin to your cheek, leaning into the soft kid leather of his gloves. 

“Would you like to know more?” He asked, moving back in to plant kisses everywhere else but your lips. You were silent, shutting your eyes to fully take in the sensations when he suddenly slapped you lightly on the cheek, bringing your eyes back to his.

“I asked you, would you like to know more?” He said slowly. You let out a soft moan, reaching out to grab his vest to pull him closer, but he stopped you. “That’s not an answer.”

“Yes, Kylo.” You whispered. He quickly spun you around, pressing you up against the barn. Giving you no room to move, even if you wanted to. His lips finally crashed against yours. One of his hands was on the wall behind you by your head, his other hand gripped your waist. When his hand slid up to grasp your breast, you gasped. He took that opportunity to work his tongue into your mouth, turning you into a whimpering mess. 

You felt a pain between your legs that you felt the last time you kissed. The butterflies from your stomach only lower. You tried to squeeze your thighs together for some sense of relief, but it wasn’t enough. 

“Are you hurting for me, Wildfire?” Kylo asked. Of course he noticed your squirming. You nodded. 

“It won’t go away. It was like this last time too and I couldn’t make it go away.” You told him. Ren groaned and pulled you closer to him, sliding his thigh between your legs. 

“Try this.” He told you. You couldn’t stop yourself from rubbing up against him, you were pressed up against one another so closely. You shut your eyes and moaned from the sensation. Kylo moved his hand over the front of your dress and started lifting your skirts. You grasped his arm, stopping him. He stopped and waited for you to catch your breath.

“Too much?” He asked. 

“No-no. It’s just...” You looked around you, it was too open outside the barn. Too exposed. 

“Not out here.” You told him. Kylo nodded and pulled you inside the barn. While the location was not ideal, it’s not like you had anywhere else. You reached up and grasped his hair at the nape, pulling him back down to you. Ren reached down and started lifting your skirts again, this time you reached down and helped him. You held them up as he slid down your bloomers.

“I wish I had more time with you to make this easier. It’s going to hurt a bit.” He warned you as he undid his belt. 

Your heart was racing with anticipation. This was exactly what you wanted, what you needed. What better adventure than a secret, illicit affair? Making love with an outlaw. You didn’t know his real name or what the rest of his face looked like, but that didn’t matter to you. You felt more alive now than you had in your whole life. 

You tried not to gasp at the sight of his cock as it sprang forth from his pants. 

“Will it fit?” You asked, nervously. He grinned and kissed you. “Don’t you worry about it.” He soothed you. 

With your back against the barn, he grasped your thighs and spread them up and out, wrapping them around his waist. 

“You ready?” He asked. “Yes.” You whispered, nodding frantically, desperate to be joined with him. He reached down between the two of you and lined himself up. When you felt it breach your entrance, you cried out, clawing at his back. It hurt, but in a good way. You wanted more.

“Please.” You gasped. He pushed all the way into and let out a low groan. You panted against him. Well. That was...alright you guessed. So much for-Then he started moving and your eyes rolled back into your head. The drag of him against your walls had you shaking. Okay, now this was more like it. He kept you on a steady pace that had you whimpering. When he his a certain spot you felt yourself squeeze him, and then he started moving faster, hammering into that sweet spot. 

You felt like your pleasure was stuck, everything was incredible, but something was missing, something was not quite there-

“You gonna cum for me? Hmm? You gonna cum for me, Wildfire?” He groaned. You whimpered, wanting so desperately to do as he asked, but you couldn’t. “You need more?” He asked and you nodded frantically. He shifted his weight, crushing you more against the wall as he lifted a hand from your thigh to bring it to your center where you joined and pressed his thumb against some spot on you that sent you shattering. You cried his name as you came, legs spasming, clawing at his back as you rode the wave of pleasure. He thrusted into you one, two, three more times before he slipped out of you and spilt his seed off to the side. 

You leaned back against the wall, waiting for your thudding heartbeat to slow. Kylo cleaned and tucked himself away before turning back to you. You had been well and thoroughly ravaged. You grinned at him as you reached down to adjust your skirts back into place. 

“Any hay in my hair?” You asked as he silently stared at you. He shook his head. You tried to step forward but fell back against the barn wall. Your legs were like jelly.

“I might need a moment.” You laughed. You looked back over at Ren to see him leading out one of the Blake’s horses. There was a moment of silence between the two of you as you took each other in. Did you have the same impact on him as he did on you? If you did, he didn’t show it. 

“I have to go. I’ve already stayed too long.” He said leading the horse to the barn door. 

“Until next time then?” You asked. You didn’t ask if you could go with him again. You knew the answer would be the same, but it would hurt nonetheless. This was better, less hopeful, more… for business and pleasure.

“Next time.” He told you, walking out the barn doors. You knew it wasn’t a promise, just a fact. Things were far from done between the two of you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new beginning just around the corner, there's no way anything will complicate matters, right?

“Lothal?” You asked Holdo. When your mentor told you she had news for you, you thought it might be that the schoolhouse was finally going to get the leaky roof fixed, not that she had found you a job placement.

“It’s a new town about a hundred miles North of here. It had been a settlement for a while, but now that they have a railway stop, there is a need for a school. My cousin sent me this letter today.” She told you, handing over the envelope. You took it into your hands and read it over.

“It’s a wonderful situation. One of the men, Finn Tico, offered some of his land for the schoolhouse. Since he is unmarried though, it would not be acceptable for you to stay with him and his sister. So he’s going to build a separate residence for the teacher next to the schoolhouse.” Holdo explained, sitting besides you at the desks. Your head shot up.

“A separate residence?” You asked. Holdo smiled and nodded. “I know! A luxury not offered to most women in our position. I would take up the offer myself, but...my parents.” She clarified. 

“Would they take me?” You asked, unsure of the job if they were sending the offer to Holdo. You could understand why. She was a wonderful educator, helping the difficult students make progress whether they knew it or not. She was a wealth of knowledge and full of experience. You on the other hand, were just getting started.

“Absolutely. Which is why I sent them a letter when I first received that letter and told them about you.” She said, a mischievous smile lighting up her face. You looked back to the letter you had in your hands. It was dated back almost a month ago. “I received a response this morning. They would like you to come by the end of the month so that you can help oversee the construction.” Holdo said kindly, her bemused expression due to the utter shock on your face.

You were speechless. Utterly speechless as you stared back down at the paper in your hands.

“Oh dear, did I overstep?” Holdo asked, laying a hand on your arm. 

“No! Not at all! I just don’t know how to possibly express my gratitude to you.” You admitted. Holdo smiled and patted your arm.

“Seeing you settled is thanks enough. I always worried about you. I was so glad when you reached out to me last year. In fact I was going to approach you myself. I just couldn’t bear to watch you look so lost for much longer.” Holdo explained. You chuckled.

“Kind of hard not to feel lost in a place where you don’t really belong.” You told her. Holdo nodded. “That’s why Lothal is so perfect for you. The whole town is new, everyone is a fresh face. You’ll be surrounded by outsiders.”

Holdo helped you make all the arrangements. You had a one way train ticket booked to Lothal. The timing was perfect. Summer had arrived and with it the students were itching to be outside and far away from the school as possible. You would leave the day following the last day of school before break. The next three weeks passed quicker than you would like. As excited as you were for your own schoolhouse and your own residence, you were terrified of being solely on your own. Yes, you had been alone your whole life, but you had been responsible for only yourself. Now you would be solely responsible for building up a school community in a town just coming into its own. Just like you. 

There was of course another issue at hand, concerning a certain outlaw. It had been a few months since he had been to town and it wasn’t likely that he would return anytime soon. So that farewell of ‘next time’ would never happen. It’s not like he would track you down to Lothal, it was near on the other side of the Outer Rim. Besides, why would he care enough about you to ask anyone where you had gone? He probably had a woman in every town and would just move on to the next one. You didn’t regret for a second what you shared with Kylo Ren. Only a part of you wished things were different. That you could have at least said goodbye. Though, you had to remind yourself that Kylo Ren was not a good man. Although you didn’t follow the news of the gangs and outlaws as closely anymore, it was hard not to hear about the chaos he left behind. The bodies too. 

On the last day of school, Holdo left you to clean up on your one. Mostly to get used to doing things on your own, but also so that you could say goodbye. You weren’t quite ready to let go yet. To leave would be to acknowledge the change ahead of you. So did what anyone would do. Scrubbed the schoolhouse within an inch of every schoolhouse. Procrastinating the inevitable by cleaning. It wasn’t your worst habit in the world, but it definitely didn’t help stem off the nervous energy trapped inside of you head. By the time you finished cleaning the undersides of the desks, dusk had fallen. It was time to accept and leave the schoolhouse behind. As you gathered up your things, you heard a solid knock on the door behind you.

Slowly turning, you watched the door. You had bolted it shut earlier, so there was no one whoever was there could get in without you letting them in. Who would come knocking at the schoolhouse at this time of night? Your mind went to Holdo, but she had a key...She would have just let herself in. So you decided to stay silent and wait for whoever it was to leave. You had no candles lit. If anyone were to look at the school from the outside, there would be no sign of life within.

The pounding against the door made you jump. It was hard, heavy, and fast. You heard the sound of voices from outside it. No one you recognized. Your anxiety started to rise. You sunk to your knees on the floor and tried to think of your next move. Stay where you were or try to move close to the door so you could better hear what was being said. Your curiosity got the best of you and you started to crawl towards the door.

“There’s no one in there. I’m telling you.” You heard a gruff voice say. A few others agreed. Whoever they were addressing was silent. Someone pounded on the door again, only this time saying something. It made your heart drop to your stomach. “Wildfire, it’s me. Let us in.” It was Kylo Ren. 

You jumped up and ran to the door, undoing the bolt and swinging it open. Only it wasn’t just Ren standing in the doorway, but the rest of the Knights of Ren too. Two of them pushed past you into the schoolhouse. They were carrying a third and he was bleeding, pretty badly. 

“What happened?” You asked, running over to Holdo’s desk, grabbing the medical supplies that were kept there. 

“Gunfight in Tatooine. Got hit in his leg.” One of the Knights told you. 

“Tatooine? You rode all the way here from Tatooine? Why didn’t you just go to the Doctor there?” You asked as you rolled up your sleeves. The two Knights looked at each other before they looked over to their leader who was standing silently by the door.

“Complications.” One of them finally answered. You should have known getting a straight answer from these men would be like prying a bullet from a wound. Lucky you would get to attempt both tonight. You turned to the other three Knights huddled by the doorway. 

“Light the fire and gather water from the well for me. I need linens, clean and dry.” You told them. They stood up straight and looked from you to Ren, who nodded at them. You rolled your eyes as you turned back to the man bleeding over your freshly clean classroom. 

“Anyone have a flask on them?” The two Knights looked at each other before they each pulled out a silver flask. “Perfect.” You told them as you grabbed one and took a swig from it. The liquor burned down your throat. “Make him drink whatever’s in yours.” You told the other. 

The injured Knight’s left pant leg was drenched with blood. You grabbed the scissors from your kit and started cutting the pant leg off. You needed to clean the wound before you could do anything else. 

“This will go a lot smoother if I knew everyone’s names.” You told them. “I’m Trudgen.” The one to your left told you. “That’s Ushar.” He told you pointing to the Knight across from him. “And this poor bastard is Cardo.” You nodded. You didn’t have too much experience when it came to medicine. Someone was always sick or injured at the orphanage, so you were accustomed to helping, but never something to this extent. You took another swig from the flask before you poured the rest of it over Cardo’s wound.” The man screamed in pain. That wasn’t good. You couldn’t have anyone hearing and coming to find you surrounded by the Knights of Ren and helping them. “Ushar, find something for him to bite down on. We can’t have him screaming like that.” Ushar nodded and pulled out a bandana from his pocket and put it in Cardo’s mouth. 

The other three Knights arrived with the supplies you asked for. The one with the water and the one with the rags came up to you and you started to wipe away the blood from the would. You would need to stop the bleeding next. 

“I need someone’s belt.” You announced. “Give her your belt Ap’lek!” Trudgen told the man who had given you the water. Ap’lek quickly unbuckled the belt and passed it to you. “I’m going to need you to take this water out and dump it, then bring me more.” This time he followed your orders rather than looking to Kylo Ren for permission. You used the belt to create a makeshift tourniquet. You had seen the Doctor do this for one of the boys at the orphanage when he broke his leg very badly. Sure, it had been years ago, but what else were you going to do? 

The wound was clean and somehow, the belt seemed to work, stopping the bleeding. Now you could take a closer look. The entry wound was small, not big enough to produce that much blood, which must mean- “Thank goodness.” You sighed in relief. On the back of Cardo’s leg was an exit wound. “What is it?” Ushar asked you. “The bullet went all the way through his leg. I won’t have to dig it out.” You told him. The tension in the room started to relax as you pulled out the bandages and started to wrap up Cardo’s leg. 

“You’re a very lucky man.” You told him, not that he could probably hear you. If Trudgen’s flask was full of the same liquor as Ushar’s, you were certain Cardo was inebriated, especially with all the blood loss. “One inch to the right and it would have hit bone.” You told him. When you finished bandaging him up, you had the Knights slowly lift and move him next to the fire. He needed the heat to stay warm so his body wouldn’t go into further shock. “You can remove the belt after an hour as long as he doesn’t bleed through the bandages.” You instructed Trudgen, who nodded at everything you told him. 

The Knights gathered around their friend to help him settle in so he could rest. You turned and walked over to a desk, collapsing into a chair, wiping the sweat from your brow. You turned and looked over at Kylo Ren who had stood silently by the door this whole time. You stared at him, his maked face only half illuminated from the light of the fire. It was now that you realized that the Knights didn’t have their masks on. You had seen their faces… Kylo tilted his head at you, signaling for you to come with him outside of the school. 

You gulped slowly. Rising from your seat, you walked past him out the door into the crisp night air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't planning on this being a super long fic, but here we go. lol


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's never going to be easy to say good-bye.

Anxiety coursed through your veins as you stepped into the darkness. Night time out here was much different than where you grew up on Coruscant. The pollution made it impossible to see the night sky clearly, and the city life never stopped leaving no sense of peace or completion to a day. Out here the stars seemed to stretch on forever, their silence filling up all the empty space of the land. If this was to be the last thing you saw before you died, you guessed it wasn’t too bad.

Kylo was still silent as you heard him shut the door behind the two of you. A shiver ran down your spine as you heard his heavy footsteps approach from behind. You closed your eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to take in as much of the world as your senses would allow. You waited. Would he do it quickly on account of your past, or did he have a preference to look the people he killed in the eye when he did it? You waited for him to say or do anything, but all you were met with was silence. It was unbearable.

“You know I won’t say anything.” You said aloud. Maybe he was silent to give you a chance to plead for your life? Seemed like an unnecessary courtesy at this point. 

“I don’t want you to get in trouble.” You whispered. You wanted to turn around, to look him in the eye. The fear of what you would see, kept you from looking. You continued to look out towards town. Some of the windows were lit up from within. People going about their evenings with no idea that one of the most notorious gangs out West was among them. The sound of a gunshot would draw attention. Jakku was a sleepy town, people would come and investigate rather than turn a blind eye. Cardo needed to rest if they wanted his leg to heal. So however they would kill you, would have to be quiet so they could stay the night. 

Would Holdo come looking for you? You didn’t want her to come to any harm. You knew she wouldn’t though. Holdo had let you spend the night at the schoolhouse before when her mother had a fever. She said you could do it anytime you needed to be alone. Considering the circumstances of your intended departure tomorrow, you could see how she would assume you might have just wanted to try spending the night on your own beforehand.

“You can stay in the school room, just leave before dawn. Make it look like you were never there.” You instructed, looking down. You never thought you would be grateful for the dust. You stared at your feet and dragged your boot through the dirt, leaving a mark. A sign that you had been here. 

In this very school yard when you first arrived, you would spend recess off to the side by yourself, examining the dirt. You could spend hours sweeping and dragging your feet through the dirt, creating pictures and designs. You had grown up surrounded by concrete and pavement and everything permanent. Yet here, the wind would blow and your canvas would be blank, ready for you to start over.

A hand brushed up the length of your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. You let out a breath that you had not realized you had been holding. The hand moved up to the back of your neck, brushing your braid to the side. Bare fingers traced down the skin of your neck and you gasped, leaning into the touch as much as possible. He had never touched you ungloved before and the feeling of his skin against yours sent sparks through your veins. You felt his body come up behind yours, one hand on your neck and the other coming to wrap around your waist, pulling you tight against his form. Your heart started racing and you blinked away tears knowing this was going to be it. 

“You’re not going to remember their faces because I’m going to fuck you senseless.” He whispered into your ear, kissing the empty space where your neck met your shoulder. 

You felt your heart stutter a couple times before picking up. Kylo continued to kiss you, sucking marks along your collarbone. You wanted to do something, anything, but you were in too much shock to respond. Instead you just went limp in his arms and let him move you where he wanted your body to be. The hand that had grasped your throat slid down to your breast as he groped you from behind. You sighed into his touch, sinking further back against him. You could feel his bulge pressing against your bottom, getting harder every second. 

As much as you would have been happy to have let him take you then and there on the dusty road, your fear of being discovered took over.

“Kylo-” You gasped, as he ran his tongue outside the shell of your ear. “Kylo, we can’t. If someone saw us.” You whispered. 

“No one will see us.” He growled, biting on your earlobe, shooting fire straight between your legs. 

“Kylo.” You whined, struggling against his hold. Not because you wanted to get away, but because you were desperate for more. More than you got last time. He snarled and pulled away from you, grasping your wrist tightly and pulling you along with him. He nearly dragged you into the shed besides the schoolhouse. It was where you kept all the outdoor tools, equipment, and toys for the children. Hardly the ideal location for a rendezvous, but it was either here or back in front of his men, which you had to admit sent a shiver down your spine. 

Ren tossed aside shovels and spades making room for the two of you. It would be cramped and uncomfortable, but you knew the second he was inside of you, all you would feel would be pleasure. You grabbed one of the picnic blankets from the shelf and spread it out on the ground. You quickly started to get down to it before he grabbed your arm and stopped you. His grip was forceful and a bit too tight, but you liked it. 

Kylo pulled you up against him, kissing you roughly. You whimpered as the two of you sank to the ground together. You ran your fingers through his wavy black hair. It had grown since the first time you had seen him, all the more for you to grab hold to. He grunted against you when you tugged on it. 

“Get on your back.” He growled. You quickly laid down for him on the blanket, and he started to raise your skirts. Only rather than laying down to continue you kissing you, he ducked his head under your skirts. 

“Kylo, what are you-” You started to ask before you felt him lick a stripe up your slit. You moaned as your head fell back against the ground. You didn’t even know this was a thing one could do, but here he was lapping you and your wetness up. Your arms thrashed around besides you. You didn’t have anything to hold on to. Kylo lifted his head and pushed up your skirts so they would rest on your hips, letting you see him. You quickly reached for his head, tangling your fingers in his hair again. He moaned against you, and the vibrations nearly sent you over. His fingers spread apart your folds, letting his tongue delve deeper into you. You whimpered, it was too much, you couldn’t take it. You just needed a little bit more to send you over the edge. 

“Kylo-” You whined, trying to pull his head closer to you, lifting your hips and riding his mouth. Kylo moved up one of his hands and started stroking your clit in circular motions. You cried out as you came against his mouth. You dropped your grip from his head as your hands fell limp to the sides. Kylo pulled his head up and crawled over your body to crush his lips back against yours. You welcomed him back with a moan, tasting yourself on his mouth. He pulled back from you and started to flip you over.

“Get on your hands and knees for me, Wildfire.” He murmured. You didn’t know if your muscles were capable, but you did your best. 

“I’m gonna be rough with you, think you can take that?” He asked, helping you roll over. He pulled your hips up and pushed your head down into the blanket. You were grateful you wouldn’t need your arms to support your weight. The sudden slap against your ass woke you up from your post-orgasm daze.

“I asked you a question, Wildfire.” Kylo growled. “Yes. I can take you. I can always take you.” You moaned against the ground. 

“That’s what I like to hear.” He told you as felt the head of his cock enter you. You felt overstimulated, but you sighed as he pushed all the way into you. This is what you had been craving all these months apart. This is what you had been missing, you weren’t sure if you should let him know that or not though. Would the thought of you wanting him, missing him turn him off from you? Make him want to stay away? If keeping silent on your developing feelings for him would keep him coming back, then you would take your wishes to the grave.

As Kylo started moving in you, he established a fast and rough pace right off the top. You whimpered against the ground, but relishing in the way he would crash into like his life depended on it. The only sound between the two of you was the slapping of skin on skin as his hips met your ass. You panted as you felt your pleasure start to rise again.

“Kylo, I’m gonna cum again.” You panted.

“Then do.” He growled, slapping your ass again. The hard sensation sent you soaring again and you screamed into the blanket as you did. He continued to thrust into, riding you through it.

“You squeeze me so tight when you cum.” He moaned. “Where do you want me to come. Decide quickly.” He warned, as his thrusts picked up in pace. You wanted him inside you, but you couldn’t take that risk. 

“Cum on my ass.” You moaned. He quickly slipped out of you and within seconds, painted you with his release. You moaned as you felt him start to lick it off of you. 

Kylo pulled your skirts back down over you and the two of you breathed there in silence. Was he going to leave you here again? You understood why he did it last time, but there wasn’t so much of a rush this time. You felt his hands pull at your shoulders, rolling you off of your stomach and on to your back. He stared down at you in the moonlight and you couldn’t help yourself from reaching up and tracing the outline of his black mask against his face. Would he ever take it off around you? Would he ever trust you enough to know anything more about him or who he was? Would you get to know more about him other than how he fucked you. He closed his eyes, taking in the feeling of your fingers on his face. You took advantage of this and brought your fingers to his eyes, brushing over the lids where his long black lashes laid. 

When you slipped them down to his jaw, his eyes opened, staring you down. You pulled his face down to yours, kissing him gently, as if he would shatter from your touch. Kylo sighed and pulled away from you, and you tried not to show any reaction to this rejection of this show of tenderness. 

“I should get you home.” He said, standing back up and fixing himself. Home, that was a word that never meant anything to you before. Which reminded you…

“I leave tomorrow.” You told him as you stood up, brushing the stray hairs that had fallen out of your braid away from your face. His back stiffened as he turned back to you, but you pushed past him towards the shed door, stepping outside into the silence of the night. 

“Leave for where? For what?” He asked harshly, catching up with you, grabbing your arm. This time you didn’t like his show of force. You wrenched his arm out of his grip.

“Lothal. It’s a hundred miles North of here.” You told him, rubbing your arm. 

“Yes, I know where it is.” He snapped at you. You blinked at him...where was this harshness coming from?

“Well, I thought you would want to know. But I’m sure you’ll find another plaything around these parts.” You told him coldly, turning around marching away. 

Kylo called out you name, your real name, not the stupid nickname he had given you. You stopped in your tracks, turning back to look at him. His hands rested on his hips, and he looked off to the side before coming up to you.

“What time do you leave?” He asked.

“The train leaves at 9:15 tomorrow morning.” You told him. He looked down at the ground and nodded.

“I’ll make sure you get there safely.” He said, to the dirt rather than looking at you. You didn’t know how that was possible, considering who he was and what his presence meant.

“Thank you…” You said quietly, staring at him. He continued to look down, and you took this as your cue to leave again.

“You’re not just-” He started to say. You turned back to look at him. He seemed to be trying to think of the right words. You weren’t just what? Rather than finish the thought, he just told you instead, “I’ll see you in Lothal.” He turned back and started heading back to the schoolhouse. 

You turned back towards town and started making your way towards Holdo’s. Keeping you safe? You didn’t have the energy to think too deeply on what exactly he meant by that and why right now. All you needed to know in order to sleep tonight were his last words. He would come see you in Lothal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to those who've left comments, it means a lot to me!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arriving in a new town and meeting new friends

When you arrived at the schoolhouse the next morning to collect what you had forgotten, any sign of the overnight guests had been erased. No blood stains, no dirty rags, and no Knights of Ren in sight. You sighed as you grabbed your books, taking one last look before rejoining Holdo outside. She had said nothing about how late you had been out, only focusing on making sure you were at the train platform on time. 

“When you get off the train my cousin will be waiting there for you. He’s the newly appointed Sheriff, he’ll deliver you safely to the Tico farm.” Holdo told you as you waited. You could hear the distant sound of the train approaching. 

“Promise me you’ll be careful.” Holdo said, taking your hand into hers. This woman had been the closest thing to a maternal figure you ever had. You squeezed her hand, “I promise.” 

“Make sure you don’t keep to yourself. It’s hard to be alone out here. Allow yourself to make new friends.” Holdo reminded you. 

“The train was roaring into the station now. You hugged Holdo goodbye as you waited for the Porter to open the door. Grabbing your bags you ascended the narrow steps and made your way down the carriage to find your seat. You settled onto the wooden bench by the window so you could watch the world travel by for the next 4 hours or so that it would take to get to Lothal. As you looked out now, Holdo was still standing there, waiting for the train to leave the platform. She spotted you in the window and waved. 

“Write to me!” She called out and you nodded back to here, waving as the train pulled away and she became nothing but a speck in the background.

The last time you had been on a train was when you had been shipped out West. It was odd to find yourself back on one, but on your own terms. Now with two bags instead of one. Growth. Not that there was much in the bags anyway. The larger piece of luggage was a threadbare carpet bag you had since your days in Coruscant. You had filled it with your clothes and some of the small belongings you had acquired in Jakku. The other was a leather bag gifted to you by Holdo. In it you had your books, paper, pencils, charcoals and other goods. You decided to pass the time on the train drawing the other passengers. There was the old man with the beard down to his stomach who was deep in sleep. The train conductor who passed through the carriage after every stop to check tickets. The young couple with their baby, who thankfully didn’t cry too much. 

As you looked out the window the landscape slowly fades away from the browns and brick reds earth into a greener landscape. You rested your head against the window taking in all the shades of green and gold grass that went as far as the eye could see. Even though you found ways to occupy your hands to pass the time, your mind started to wander. You thought of Cardo, hoping that their departure in the morning had not disrupted his wound. You would have to check on it next time you saw him. Ha! Look at you. Worrying about the health and safety of one of the most notorious criminals in the Outer Rim. Speaking of which...your thoughts shifted to another outlaw. 

Your fingers brushed over the collection of bruises along your collarbone that your blouse covered thankfully. They were the only tangible proof you had that the night before was real, that he was there with you. That and the dull ache between your legs that you woke up with this morning. Kylo had told you he would come see you. You wondered how he would know where to go, but he had found you all those other times with no issues. You would just have to trust the bandit to find his way. 

Trusting an outlaw. What a concept. You truly didn’t even know the man behind the mask he wore. All of your encounters had been so brief, but so intense. You didn’t give it a second thought when he just showed up and took you that first time. Yet, now that you were stuck here, all you could do was think about him. Where did he come from, what exactly did he want? More importantly, what did  _ you  _ want? You were headed to Lothal because you had made the choice to lead your own life. Would this include waiting around for some outlaw to darken your doorstep whenever he felt so inclined, or would it mean something else entirely. You didn’t want to waste your life depending on the whims of some man. The only problem was that you had only felt truly alive in all your interactions with him. 

A compromise needed to be reached you decided, as the conductor called Lothal out as the next station. You would move forward, bandit or not and the next time you chanced to see him, you would get some answers from him and yourself. Hopefully. 

You stood up, gathering your things as the train started to slow. You could tell Lothal was a new town. All of the buildings were new and clearly freshly painted. Even more were being built in the distance. You exited the train with a bundle of nerves and excitement taking over you. The town was certainly active. While you were the only one getting off the train, more were getting on. You held your belongings close as you looked for Holdo’s cousin. All you knew was that he was the Sheriff here, that wouldn’t be too hard to spot, right?

You spotted the badge first. The light caught the silver in a mesmerizing way, the man wearing it wasn’t that bad either. A commanding figure with an easy confidence with olive skin and wavy black hair under his hat. He saw you staring from the platform and walked towards you, calling out your name. 

“I’m Sheriff Dameron, but you can call me Poe, everyone does.” He said, extending a hand out to shake yours.

“Poe.” You nodded, smiling as you shook it. His smile was warm and welcoming, and you felt your nerves alleviate just a little bit.

“Welcome to Lothal. We’re so glad to have you joining our community.” He said, taking your bag from you. 

“I’m glad things worked out.” You said, following him to the buggy he had hooked up to his horse. Poe helped you step into the buggy, crossing around to jump on besides you. All round you people were going about their business. It was clear that Lothal had grown very quickly in the last few months. 

“As you can see, things are really happening here.” Poe said with a laugh as he grabbed the reins. “We’re the halfway stop between Naboo and Kashyyyk. We’ll be opening a second hotel by the end of the month, as you can see.” He pointed the almost finished structure out to your left as you rode past it. 

As you rode through town, Poe pointed out all the development and plans for the town. A Saloon, Mercantile, Tailor, Dressmaker, General Store, and Town Hall were already built and in use. Poe explained that the town, until a few months ago had just been a mining outpost until they discovered Kyber Crystals.

“Now everyone wants to stake their claim. If they're not mining, they’re here to open up a business. Me and the others who’ve been here want to make Lothal a place where they’ll want to settle and stay.” Poe explained as they exited the main street, heading further out of town. 

“Which is where I come in.” You told him. He laughed.

“Exactly! When there’s a school, there’s children, which means families settling into town.” He explained, “We want Lothal to be a safe place for anyone to live in and feel at home. Not just some boomtown that will fall to the wayside if or when the mine runs dry.”

You could appreciate that. After all it seemed like a nice enough place.

“I hope you don’t mind, but Amilyn told me a bit about your situation.” Poe said, changing the subject. You looked at him confused before he continued, “About the circumstances of your arrival to the Outer Rim.”

“Oh. Yes, well-”

“I just wanted you to know, no one here will think twice about it. We’re all here to start over, start new.” Poe explained, lifting his hat to brush a hand through his wavy dark hair. “I myself got into some trouble when I was younger, a bit reckless you could say.” He admitted. You chuckled. Poe grinned. 

“Well I would have thought you were on spice if you told me I would be a Sheriff one day. Look at me now.” He said, gesturing to himself. 

“I only hope I can do a good job here. I haven’t taught on my own before.” You admitted. Poe waved your worry away with a sweep of his hand. 

“You were taught by Amilyn Holdo, you’ll be just fine.” Poe said with a wink. You laughed again, he was quite easy to talk to, probably because he carried himself so effortlessly. 

“But you can understand why we want the town to succeed? We just want to give everyone a fair chance to live freely.” Poe said. You nodded. There were no arguments from you there.

As you rode further away from town, you could spot a spattering of trees in the general vicinity, but the landscape was mainly grasslands. Cabins and homesteads dotted around the area. While your neighbors were within sight of each other, all the properties had some space from one another. Soon, you could hear the rippling of a small creek that cut its way through the ground. Its bubbling stream led North for a good distance.

“I hope you don’t mind being a bit away from town. Free land is free land, so when Finn offered, the town jumped on it. We’re nearly there.” Poe told you, pointing out a barn and house not too far away.

“No, the space is good. Give the children the chance to run around. How far is it to walk into town?” You asked.

“About fifteen minutes at the least. I’m sure Finn will let you borrow a horse if need be too.” Poe said as you pulled up in front of the log cabin, it looked to be two stories. The outside had been treated to make the wood a shade of eggshell, and the window frames were painted a bright orange. A short woman in a light purple dress swung through the door, running up to the buggy.

“Hi Poe!” She called out, as she reached you. 

“Hey Rose. This is Rose Tico, Finn’s sister. She lives here with her brother.” Poe explained, helping you off the buggy. The girl quickly pulled you into a tight, squeezing embrace. She had dark eyes and a round face with a smile that pulled at your heart. 

“I’m so happy you’re here. I’ve spent the last month getting your cabin ready. Finn said I should just let you do what you want with it, but I couldn’t just leave it without the essentials in place for you.” She explained as she released you from her hold.

“Geez, Rose. Give the Teach a moment to breath.” A voice from behind her said. A man about Poe’s height with dark skin and close cut hair stepped out from the house. He came up to you with an outstretched hand. 

“Hi, I’m Finn. Welcome to Lothal.” He greeted you warmly, his large hand shaking yours firmly.

“Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you hosting me.” You said, but Finn shook his head. 

“Don’t think of it as hosting. The school and cabin are all yours. Think of me as your neighbor and not your landlord. Just let me know if you need anything at either.” Finn told you. You took in the three smiling faces surrounding you. Not quite knowing what to say, overwhelmed by their kindness. 

“You’re really too kind. Thank you.” You told them, trying not to tear up.

“Well don’t thank us until after you see the school.” Poe said, leading the way. The four of you walked to the west of the property. Finn pointed out the barn, letting you know you were free to borrow it whenever. The creek you had seen before, cut through the land here.

“Think of it as a nice divide between the land. Our farm to the East, and the land for the schoolhouse here, to the West of it.” Rose explained as you crossed the small foot bridge. 

“Speaking of schoolhouse…” Poe said slowly, your group coming to a stop a few feet away from the creak. 

There wasn’t much to speak of. Just the foundation of the building had been laid. There was a wide entry way, you were certain it would be for the students to place their belongings. Then the main area of the schoolhouse, the large square room that would seat all of your students about two months from now.

Your new neighbors were silent, waiting for you to say something first. You smiled at them.

“I think Lothal is going to have a grand schoolhouse.” They all smiled and laughed.

“We should have it ready in about a month. Once they finish the hotel, we’ll have more men able to come build over here. Just think, soon Lothal will have its own Post Office, Doctor’s Office, and Schoolhouse!” Poe announced to Rose and Finn’s cheers.

“Imagine that. When my Father and I first got here, there was nothing for miles. Just the Tico's farm, the outpost and a lot of tents." Finn said. He saw your confused expression and explained, “My father was one of the miners.” He explained to you. “When he died in an accident, I had no idea what I was going to do. Lucky for me, the Ticos took me in as one of their own.” Rose beamed at her adopted brother, there was clearly a deep respect there.

“Our parents passed last winter. It’s been hard, but Finn’s taken over the farm beautifully.” Rose told you. 

“I’m not sure you can say that. This man suckered me into giving away our land for free.” Finn joked, jabbing Poe in the ribs. 

“Hey, watch it. I can lock you up for that now.” Poe retorted, quickly returning the playful swings.

“Yeah, but you won’t.” Finn said as he ducked. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I won’t.” Poe laughed, catching Finn, giving him a noogie. Rose rolled her eyes and grabbed your arm, leading you away. 

“Are they always like this?” You asked, laughing as the two men continued wrestling with one another. 

“They never stop.” She said with a dramatic sigh. She led you up a bit away from the schoolhouse to a log cabin. “This is your new home.” Rose announced. 

The cabin wasn’t as large as the Tico’s, but it would be perfect for you. They had done the same color treatment on the wood for your cabin, but instead of orange window frames, yours were green. There was plenty of room out front for a garden, and the creek had continued up from the schoolhouse to here. There was an outhouse a safe distance away as well. They had thought of everything.

“I’d come in with you, but I’m sure you’d like some space to get settled. It’s a lot of change.” Rose said kindly. You nodded.

“Thank you. All of this. It’s too much.” You told her. She shook her head smiling. 

“Not at all. We’re so glad you’re here. You must join us for dinner at the farm this evening. I’ll take you to town tomorrow and help you get acquainted and pick up anything you need. Don’t worry yourself too much. You won’t be the newest person to town for very long.” She said with a wink.

“Here’s the key. We’ll see you at six.” Rose told you, pressing the large brass key into your hand. Rose let go of your arm and started heading back to the others, turning and waving to you all the while. 

You let out a deep breath, taking it all in. This was yours! It was really yours! With a giddy laugh you walked up to your door and inserted your key into the lock. With a loud click the heavy wooden door moved as you pushed it in. As you stepped into the cabin, there was a single bed directly across from you. Next to it on the eastern wall was the fireplace. Rose had decorated a bit, which you were grateful for as you had nothing to decorate with. It gave the room a sense of home that you would be missing without it. There seemed to be a theme with the color green that you liked. You were happy she went with that color over the orange. You walked forwards to your bed and set down your bags on it, before sinking into the straw mattress with a moan. It was divine and it was all yours!

It was only then that you looked to the other side of the cabin and realized you were not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow wow wow. thank you all for your awesome comments and feedback! had to do a lot of world building this chapter, but don't worry, even when we need to address the plot, i won't keep you waiting for too long.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being involved with a man above the law is more complicated than you realized.

The string of curses that flew out of your mouth would be appalling if heard in polite society. In your case though, your visitor didn’t even bat an eye. Instead he just smirked at you from the chair at your table. 

“What are you doing here? How did you get in here?” You asked, jumping up from your bed. 

“I told you I would make sure you got here safely.” Kylo said, reclining back in the chair. He had stretched out his long legs in front of him, putting his dirty boots on your table. Even when dressed in the same black clothes he always wore, your mouth watered at the sight of him.

“Although you failing to see me for a good five minutes makes the effort towards your safety feel like a waste of time.” He teased, pulling you from your daze.

“I didn’t ask you to do that!” You said, crossing your arms glaring at him. He shrugged.

“But you like that I’m here.” He smiled. You sputtered angrily in response. He did have a point there.

“How would you know that?” You challenged him, not quite ready to let go of your frustration just yet.

Kylo slowly lifted his feet off the table, standing slowly as he approached you. You stepped back instinctively, but he continued, trapping you between your bed and him. Your breath picked up as he stared down at you. He was so, so tall, it wasn’t fair.

Raising a hand, he traced a finger down your cheek, past your mouth, ending at your neck right over your pulse point. His amber eyes lit up, feeling the frantic beating of your heart.

“Still want to know how I know?” He whispered. He took his hands off you, returning to the table to pick up his hat. You shook your head, trying to pull some sense of control over yourself. It really wasn’t fair. Kylo had such an intoxicating effect on you, and you had nothing to hold over him.

“As much as I would love to stay and help you break in the new place-” He said, giving your instant butterflies, “I have to rendezvous with the Knights.” He said, tipping his hat at you, heading for the door. 

“Wait!” You cried, running across the room to stop him, grabbing his wrist. He looked down at you with a grin that lit a slow fire in your belly. 

“I just- You should...My neighbors might see you.” You explained, dropping his arm like it burned you. 

Kylo stared at you, then sighed leaning back against the door, crossing his muscled arms.

“How long should I wait?” He asked, clearly humoring you. You stood there unsure and uncertain of what to say. Everything you had resolved to address and speak to him about on the train this morning seemed to slip to the wayside. You thought you had months, not hours until you would see him again. 

“How’s Cardo?” You asked, changing the subject. As much as you wanted to jump his bones, you held yourself back. You were still mad at him, and you didn’t want to set a precedent that he could just show up whenever he was in the area with an itch to scratch.

“He’ll recover.” Kylo said, then added “Thanks to you.” 

“How did you know I would be able to do anything?” You asked.

“I didn’t.” He shrugged. 

“Oh.” You said softly. You felt his eyes on you as you stared at the floor, as if he were trying to read your mind. You knew you were acting off, and he probably did too. You couldn’t stand still any longer, so you turned back to your bags and started unpacking. 

The other side of the cabin had a small table and chair. It amazed you that Kylo even fit behind it, they were not built with a man of his stature in mind. Then against the wall on the other side of the bed was a wooden set of drawers meant for storing your things. You opened your carpet bag and started pulling out your blouses, skirts, and dresses. You didn’t have too many of them, so the task would be done quickly. 

“You can sit again, if you want.” You told him, not looking at him as you refolded your blouses so that they wouldn’t wrinkle. There was a moment of silence before you heard his heavy footfalls cross the small space and settle back into the chair. You could feel him watching you, it raised the hair on the back of your neck, but you just proceed as if there wasn’t a masked wanted criminal sitting in your cabin. 

“Where are your drawings?” He asked. You nearly dropped your bag.

“How do you know about that?” You asked.

“Your sleeves.” You looked down, and sure enough the grey fabric of your blouse had been stained with streaks of the dark charcoal you had been using earlier. 

“How in the world did you notice that?” You asked, trying to wipe it off.

“In my line of work, you have to notice every little detail or die.” He said casually.

“Is that what happened in Tatooine?” You asked, as you moved on to sorting through your undergarments.

“Hmm?” He responded. You chanced a glance at him and saw him staring at the pantalettes in your hands, before looking back up at you. 

“What happened in Tatooine?” You repeated, as you felt the redness creep up your neck and onto your face. You quickly put the undergarments into a drawer and shut it, looking for something else to distract you.

“Complications.” He told you, same as he had the night before.

“What kind of ‘complications’?” You asked, folding up the empty luggage bag and bending down to tuck it away under your bed. When you stood up, you felt a sudden presence behind you. 

“Complicated ones.” Kylo said, snaking an arm around your waist to pull you flush against him. Your heart stuttered a beat. He had moved so quickly and quietly.

“How did you do that?” You asked, trying to turn around, but Kylo’s grip on your waist didn’t let you move.

“Did you really just ask a thief how he sneaks up on people?” Kylo asked, you could feel his chest shaking with a silent laugh.

“Yes…” You said slowly.

“I can’t tell you all of my secrets.” He murmured, brushing his nose against your shoulder. Now it was your turn to laugh.

“You can’t tell me anything! I know nothing about you.” You said. Kylo paused before guiding his free hand down the length of your arm.

“So that’s what’s been on your mind.” He said, as you shivered from his touch. 

“How did you know?” You asked quietly. He laid his hand over yours and linked your fingers together, so that he could control the movement of your hand.

“You just told me.” Kylo whispered. You groaned and his laughter shook the two of you.

“We had a deal with a saloon owner in Tatooine. When we came to collect our fee for not darkening his premises in the last six months, he decided to surprise us with his own little militia. Some of his old buddies from his days in the army.” Kylo told you as he adjusted your stance and arms. 

You hung on to each word he was sharing with you, desperate for the sense of connection you felt him giving you by telling you any of it. You knew you would read about what happened in the papers soon enough, but to hear it first hand from him was exhilarating. Sure, it made you a liability, but you had proved yourself worthy of his confidence before.

With his arm still around your waist, holding you close, he used his other hand now to slide up and down and around your body. Slowly brushing over your breasts, down your stomach, across your collarbone, and up your neck until your shared touch reached your jaw. Your heart raced the entire time. As he held your hand on your jaw, he shifted your head to the side, placing a kiss on your exposed neck, dragging his lips up your jugular to your cheek, where he pressed another kiss.

“The odds were in his favor, seven to twenty-five.” He told you. You gasped, so many men armed against one another. You were shocked that only Cardo suffered an injury. 

“There’s a reason my Knights are with me. Each one a better fighter than the next.” He continued, answering your unspoken question. He continued to move and mold your body how he wanted it, taking your hands away from your face and back down. You tried to focus more on what he was telling you than what he was doing to you.

“They’re ruthless. Cold-blooded killers and fiercely loyal. Something most other gangs lack. We easily picked off the men. Most were cowards who went running when they realized their numbers were not as much of an asset as they thought.” You had stopped breathing at this point. Part of you hoped the story would end there and that Cardo had just tripped and shot himself, but you knew better. 

“When Cardo got hit, turned into a bloodbath.” Kylo said. 

You realized now what he was doing as he shifted your body. Kylo had put you into the stance as if you were firing a gun, dominant arm pointing up and out. 

“Even in their fury though, they left the owner for me.” He shook your hand, mimicking the sound of a gunshot with his mouth. 

You instantly started shaking. Kylo held you there a moment before letting go of you entirely, stepping back and away. 

The cabin was silent. Each of you were waiting for the other to say something. Your mind raced through everything he told you. Of course you knew that his business was dirty and horrible and laced with robbery and crime, but hearing about the murders from him was...different. Not just a story in a newspaper anymore, but something real. Something he had done to someone. A life he had intentionally taken away and you couldn’t stop shaking.

“Now you know why I don’t tell you.” Kylo said softly. The tone of his voice was off, indifferent. 

You turned to see him opening the door, leaving you. You realized that you had kept your back to him that entire time. It must have come off that you didn’t even want to look at him, not that you were just engulfed in your own moral quandaries. You couldn’t just let him leave like that. With him thinking you thought- You didn’t know what you thought right now, but you didn’t want him to think you thought he was a complete monster. You didn’t want him to think that you didn’t want him to come back.

“Kylo!” You called. He paused just outside of the door, but didn’t look back at you.

You took advantage of that and crossed over to him. You grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. You reached up and kissed him gently on the check. 

“You can tell me more about anything...or tell me absolutely nothing next time you come to see me.” You told him. His eyes were vacant though as nodded to you. He turned and walked away disappearing into the trees by the creek. The cabin suddenly felt too big without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! so i know i've been updating this pretty much everyday for this past week, but i got a job offer today!   
> so it will probably (defiantly) slow down the writing process, but i promise to not keep y'all hanging for too long.  
> i outlined everything i want to cover, so some new faces are on their way.  
> thanks again for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The heat starts to get to you.

You were thrown into life in Lothal. Your days were filled overseeing the schoolhouse construction, often jumping in and helping. Rose dragged you into town with her every chance she had, quickly introducing you to all her friends and neighbors. You were overwhelmed at first, but everyone welcomed you immediately, acting as if they had known you their whole lives. Finn, Poe, and Rose were right, you weren’t the new person in town for very long. Everyday that past more and more people arrived at Lothal. Some came to Lothal to strike rich on Kyber Crystals, others to start businesses to capitalize off the miners. 

A few weeks after you arrived, Rose came to visit with a new friend. The woman, Rey, was the new town doctor. She had just finished medical school back East, and returned to the Outer Rim where she had grown up to make sure everyone would have access to the latest medical advances. She had a quiet confidence that you were envious of, but promised to make an appointment with her as soon as they finished building her office.

Weeks turned into months and Summer was at its peak. There was no sign of your outlaw anywhere but a line here or there in the papers. Everynight before you went to sleep you would hope that he would just show up, out of the blue like he did. You had plenty of time to think about your last interaction. Life and death were just everyday realities of life on the Outer Rim. As hard as Poe tried to make Lothal a safe town, crime was just a fact of life in this wild landscape. Miners would murder each other over Kyber Crystals every week. They would be taken to the gallows for their crimes, but green-eyed monsters of greed lived on even if the men didn’t. 

The schoolhouse was finished just as the heat started to become almost unbearable. The men moved on to their next project leaving the task of setting up the interior to you. On what had to be the hottest day of the summer, you finished setting up all the desks. Wiping the sweat dripping from your brow you looked around at your work. All the windows in the schoolhouse were open, but only hot air was being blown in. You had experienced heat before in Jakku’s dry desert air, but the heat here was more damp and humid, invading every inch of your skin with a sheen of sweat that wouldn’t go away. 

You had done enough work for the day. Classes wouldn’t start until the beginning of next week, you could stop for now. Besides the main reason you threw yourself into your work was to distract yourself. Thoughts kept creeping into your head, telling you that he was never coming back. That he got what he wanted from you and moved on to the next conquest. That you frightened him away from you forever. You tried to shake the thoughts out of your head. You needed to relax and knew exactly what you needed to do. 

The idea had popped into your head last week, but you had pushed it away at the time. It wouldn’t be appropriate, but with the heat the way it was, you didn’t care anymore. You left the schoolhouse and headed directly to the gathering of trees behind your cabin. The creek that cut through the Tico’s farm that ran alongside the cabin continued on into the cover of the trees. It was here that the creek ran deep enough that you would be able to swim and cool off in the water.

When you arrived at the spot you stripped down to your shift. Already you felt so much better without all the heavy layers of fabric you had to wear. The air settled thickly on your damp skin. Slowly making your way down the small slope to the water, you tentatively stuck a foot in. You let out a soft moan at the chilly temperature, it provided instant relief. You jumped into the creek, the water reaching your waist, it was deeper than you thought. You started scooping up the water and letting it splash against your overheated body. Your sore muscles cried out for more, so you decided to just completely submerge yourself in the water. You held your breath and dunked your head under the water. You jumped up, sputtering and wiping the water out of your eyes. Reaching up, you undid your braid, brushing through it with your fingers before laying on your back to float in the water. 

The current of the creek barely moved you, the water’s touch was gentle on your body and you let out a deep sigh. Your hair spread out around you and you used your arms to lazily move your floating body back and forth. You felt like some sort of water nymph, feeling weightless in the water. The sun sunk through the trees overhead in a golden haze. It was silent except for the nearby bird calls. You let your tired eyelids droop shut, humming to yourself as you enjoyed the peacefulness of this place. 

Screw risk and reason, you should have done this weeks ago!

You didn’t know how long you were out there, but when the warm glow of light didn’t hit your eyelids anymore, you figured it was time to get out. You stood up in the water and stretched, reaching your arms up over your head as you yawned. You brought your hands forward to your eyes and wiped them dry as you opened them. As your eyes focused you realized that the light had dimmed not because of the lateness of the hour, but because of the figure that blocked the sun from you. 

You let out a yelp, and raised your hands to cover your chest, sinking the bottom half of your body back into the water. The figure was silhouetted by the light behind them. But as your eyes settled on them, you would know that body anywhere. Kylo Ren.

How long had he been here? Watching you bathe like some Greek God spying on an unsuspecting maiden. Moreover, how much had he seen? Your wet white shift clung to your body, revealing everything about your body behind a thin sheath. He had not seen you naked yet. He hadn’t afforded you the intimacy of that, only taking you fully clothed. To see your naked body would have meant a literal and metaphorical stripping away of the boundaries between the two of you. You took a deep breath and decided to show him, to see what he would say, to see what he would do. 

You rose to your full height in the water. Kylo remained silent and still as you swam over to him. You started to climb out of the water. It was slippery and much more difficult to get out of than it was to get in. As you struggled to gain your footing, a gloved hand was offered to you. You looked up slowly through your wet hair, seeing your masked lover reaching for you. Your heart melted like a gooey toffee candy. You took his hand and he pulled you up to the top of the slope, catching you in his arms as your feet found their footing. 

Kylo held you there silently as you shyly looked up at him, water dripping off of your eyelashes as you blinked up at him. You took advantage of the closeness, running your hands up and down his large biceps, rubbing and squeezing them appreciatively. He looked down to your hands and back to you. His expression wasn’t confused, just wary, as if he were waiting for you to push out of his arms. 

You wanted nothing more than to ease his mind, in addition to your own. Reaching up to him, having to stand on your tiptoes, you kissed him gently on the lips. He was still as stone, watching you as you pulled away from him.

“I missed you.” You whispered, tracing your pointer finger along the curve of his jaw. The hardness of his dark eyes softened, if only a little when he lifted a hand to brush your wet hair out of your face, before he tilted your chin up and began to kiss you.

You sighed into the kiss, melting against him. You couldn’t care less about getting his clothes damp. The feel of him against your almost naked body was delicious. Kylo’s kiss was hungry and possessive. His arms clutched your back, running up and down the length of your spine, sending sparks through your veins. You pulled back from him, gasping for air, but his lips never left your body moving down to your neck. You gripped his shoulders weakly as he nibbled and sucked marks into the skin of your neck. 

“Kylo-” You panted. Wordlessly, he pulled you over to a nearby rock, laying you out on it like a sleeping Venus. Kylo immediately set his sights on your chest, sucking and biting at your hard nipples through the wet fabric of your shift. Each pull of his lips and rough bite sent pulses down between your legs where you were starting to become uncomfortably wet. 

As much as you were enjoying his ministrations, the damp fabric was starting to chafe and become uncomfortable. With the discomfort came the lifting of the haze from seeing him. You remembered where you were. You sat up suddenly, pushing Kylo away.

“We can’t do this out here! What if someone comes by and sees?” You asked. Kylo grabbed your hand and began to kiss each of your knuckles.

“Kylo?” You asked, as you watched him turn your hand over and brushed his lips over the palm of your hand. The gentle touches were starting to make you lose focus again.

“Let’s go back to my cabin.” You suggested. “We won’t be caught there.”

“Who cares?” He finally said, breaking his silence.

“What?” You asked.

“I said, ‘Who cares?’ If we’re seen, we’re seen. What can they do to stop us? What does it matter what other people think?” Kylo asked, dropping your hand to bring his hands to trace along the hem of your shift. You felt your eyes go out of focus as he slowly lifted the hem an inch. 

“We can go if you really want, but either way I need to be inside you within the next five minutes.” He growled. You felt your eyes roll back.

“What’s it gonna be, Wildfire?” He asked, pushing your shift up higher, exposing your whole bottom half to him. There it was though, his pet name for you, it lit your veins on fire to hear his voice thick with lust call you that.

“Take me now, Kylo. Please!” You told him. His light fingertips teased around you, dancing on top of your delicate skin before sinking down to your entrance. You felt the blood rush down there, centralizing in your pulsing hood as he slowly circled around your clit. 

“So wet for me already.” He murmured, leaning forward to suck your clit into his mouth as he pressed a finger into you. You started to keen, and slapped your hand over your mouth to prevent any screams from getting out. Kylo continued to suck, and added another finger, curling them inside of you until they found a spot inside of you that made your legs start to shake. You felt your pent up release coming up on you like a tidal wave, quickly hitting you sending spasms ricocheting across your body. Kylo held down your legs, keeping his head between your thighs, drinking in your release.

Your body sagged into the hard rock, but you were in pure bliss. Kylo lifted his head, your wetness smeared across his chin. He licked his lips and crawled up over you, reclaiming your mouth. You moaned at the taste of yourself on his tongue. Kylo reached back down, pulling out his cock, rubbing himself against your wetness before sliding into you easily despite his size. The two of you groaned into each other’s mouths as Kylo set a quick rough pace. You clutched at his back, clawing against the fabric of his vest trying to hang on for dear life.

“I want you like this for me every time I come for you.” Kylo growled as he bit at your neck. “I want you ready and laid out for me. Only me.” Your walls squeezed against him at his words. Kylo moaned and started moving faster, slamming against your cervix. The only sounds around you were the quiet moving waters of the creek, your combined heavy breathing, and the slapping of his hips meeting yours.

You felt yourself reaching the edge again, the pressure rising inside of you. You were over stimulated and squirmed around underneath Kylo, needing to be closer and further from him at the same time.

“What do you need, Wildfire? Hmm? Tell me?” Kylo panted, “Need more? Tell me baby.” He growled. You whimpered, your head rolling away from him.

“I need you, Kylo.” You whined, reaching for him, pulling his lips back crashing down into yours. You were so close, but there was a wall that you just weren’t able to get over. You whimpered against his lips, frustrated, not sure how much more you could take when you felt his hand slither between the two of you, moving to rub against your clit. Your world went white as ecstasy took you out of your own body. When you came to, Kylo was pulling out of you, spilling himself on your breasts. His whole body stuttered, his release long and drawn out. You watched as he lurched forward, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.

As your heart rate settled, you held Kylo close. He reached out and tentatively dragged his fingers through his cum on your chest, bringing it up to your lips. You opened your mouth sucking in the saltiness that coated his fingers. Kylo pulled his clean fingers out of your mouth, grabbing your jaw, turning your head towards him, kissing you deeply again. You sighed into him, feeling too many emotions to name. You just focused on his lips against your own, pushing away the fluttering in your chest. 

When he pulled away from you, he looked down over your body. You blushed, now on the other side of your release, you felt nervous in your nakedness again. Kylo rose from the rock.

“Go back into the creek and wash yourself off.” He ordered, helping you up. As you tried to stand on your own, your legs nearly gave out underneath you.

“I don’t think I can do it on my own.” You said, embarrassed by the impact he had on your body. Kylo set you back down on the rock and started to undo the buttons on his vest. You watched silently as he undressed before you, trying to take in every detail as it was revealed to you. The large expanse of his wide chest, riddled with scars. Kylo stripped down to his smalls, when he looked back at you he smirked at your dumbstruck expression. Kylo hoisted you up easily, carrying you back down the slope to the cool water. You clung to him, knowing that if you let go, he would eventually leave you again. You wanted him with you as much as possible. 

The two of you were silent in the water as Kylo washed as signs of your interaction off of your body. You trailed your fingers along his naked chest, exploring. You ran your fingers over his scars, pausing at each one, wondering what had happened. You lingered over one large one at his hip, brushing your fingers over it lightly. 

“Shrapnel from an explosion.” He told you, as if he could read the questions in your mind. You looked up at him. His expression was relaxed, from what you could tell from his mask. You silently brought your fingers to another scar.

“Knife fight.” He answered. Slowly you brought your fingers to each and every scar, and he told you where he got each one from.

“You have so many. How can you remember where you got each one from?” You asked him finally. Kylo pursed his lips, thinking. He brought his own fingers to rest on one of his bite marks on your collarbone. You shivered as he traced it.

“Because each one is an imprint. A token from the choices I’ve made.” He told you. 

The sun was starting to set now, the heat of the day fading away bringing the coolness of the Lothal evenings back around you. You shivered against Kylo as you leaned against him.

“It’s time to go.” He said, staring out at the setting sun sinking behind the tree. You shook your head against him. You knew it was too much to ask for him to stay. There was the unspoken understanding between the two of you, that he could never stay with you for long, no matter how much you wanted it. No matter how much both of you might have wanted it. Did he want to stay with you? You were uncertain, but in moments like this when he pressed a kiss on your temple so lightly it was only a whisper against your skin, you let yourself imagine that he wanted to stay.

The two of you exited the creek and gathered your clothes. He had agreed to come dry off before he left. You caught him staring at you as you bent over to gather all your clothing. Grinning, you scooped up the rest of your things and started running back towards your cabin. You giggled, looking back as he chased you. You opened the door to your cabin, throwing your things on your bed as you turned and watched him enter. You smiled at him before walking over to your fireplace to start a small fire. Kylo shut the door behind you, latching it shut. 

“Are you hungry?” You asked. Stepping away, warming your hands. Kylo shook his head as he walked up next to you. He had put his shirt back on. His wet clothes would dry quickly. You however, had the option of putting on a fresh shift. You pulled off the wet garment, handing it to Kylo as you walked over to your dresser naked. You felt his eyes on you as you pulled out the clean garment. You grabbed your brush off the top of your dresser as you ran it through your wet hair before you pulled it into a braid.

“Where are you heading to next?” You asked as you walked back over to him, handing him his pants. Kylo took the black pants from you and pulled them on.

“South.” Was all he told you. You nodded, accepting that was as much as he would tell you.

“How have you been?” You asked as you sat down and curled up in your cushy chair by the fire. Kylo paused and looked over at you. The two of you didn’t usually make small talk, but you wanted to know. Was he being safe and careful? Or at least as safe and careful as someone in his profession could be. 

Rather than answer you, Kylo buckled his belt and squatted in front of your chair, looking at you. You held his gaze, not wanting to be the first one to look away. Kylo sighed and tugged on your braid.

“I’m better when I see you.” He admitted and your heart stuttered. Kylo stood and grabbed his hat, heading towards the door. You gathered yourself too late, sitting up as he shut the door behind him.

“Then stay.” You whispered to the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow thank you all for reading this, the response has been so much more than i ever expected. i've read all the comments and your kind words mean everything to me!   
> i did some outlining and right now it looks like this fic will be about twenty chapters, so hang in there with me. i won't drag out the angst for too long. lol


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secret is out...sort of.

Wallowing wasn’t your favorite way to spend your time. Luckily school started soon after Kylo left and you threw yourself into your work. There was a lot to cover with the children. You taught students of all ages, anyone who showed up would be given a seat and would leave knowing something new. Most of the older kids were able to work more on their own, allowing you to focus on the younger students and those who had never been to school before. You locked up the schoolhouse each night with a sense of well deserved exhaustion that sent you right to sleep. Which was good because then you weren’t lying awake at night wondering where he was and if he was thinking about you too. 

Before you knew it the first week of school had passed, and you survived it. Although the Kyber Crystal mine had started to slow down and many miners had moved onto the next rush, many people had settled in the prairie town, hoping to make a home. Finn and Rose were busy, getting things ready for their own harvest whilst also helping out all of their new neighbors prepare for their own. Which is why you headed into town on your own for the first time in a while. Rose was helping Finn replace the axle on their wagon and couldn’t go with you. You didn’t mind of course, you only needed a few things anyway.

You were being paid a small stipend by the town for your work, and while the school had its own meager funding from town as well, it was clear that you would have to purchase supplies with your own payment. It wasn’t right, but it was just you at the end of the day, so you placed an order at the General Store for more chalk, chalkboards, and other items for the school. 

As you stepped outside, you shaded your eyes looking out at the bustling main street. The newly constructed Town Hall across the street had a clock tower that many people glanced at as they entered and exited the buildings on main street. You headed down the boardwalk, taking the time to look at some of the new buildings while stopping and greeting your students and their parents who were also in town. As you neared the end of the street you heard someone call out your name. Turning around you saw Rey waving at you from the doorway of her office. You waved back and walked up to her.

“How are you doing? Is Rose with you?” Rey asked, looking around you.

“No. Just me today.” You shook your head.

“Well, how about coming in for a bit? I don’t have any appointments this afternoon, and I don’t think you’ve seen inside yet?” Rey asked, stepping back in the doorway. You smiled and followed her in. Everything was very neat and orderly, the dark wood furnishing polished so that you could almost catch your reflection in them. There was a small hutch desk with an accompanying chair to the left. Next to it there was a small dutch oven. Across the room was a wooden examination table with shelves of supplies behind it.

“It’s small, but it’s a lot more than most towns have.” Rey said, leaning against the wall. 

“They built me some living quarters in the back, since I’m always on call around here. People would rather I came to them before coming here. Can’t blame them though. They don’t realize that around here when they say ‘call for a Doctor!’, it’s a woman doctor.” Rey said with a laugh. 

“We didn’t have a doctor in Jakku, and only ever had nuns see us at the orphanage in Coruscant. So it’s not any different to me.” You told Rey.

“You’re an orphan?” Rey asked. You nodded.

“Nice to meet a fellow orphan who's been able to make a life for themselves. It's nice not to be the only working woman here.” Rey said as she smiled. “But, forgive me, you haven’t been seen by a doctor since you were a child?” She asked. You nodded again.

“Well, I would advise you to make an appointment with me. Just to check some things, make sure all is well.” Rey told you.

“Well, would now work?” You asked. 

“Now’s better than any other time. Here-” She said, holding her arms out to take your parcels for you. “You can undress to your petticoats and undergarments, then hop on the table.” She told you, taking your things over to an empty side table that you didn’t notice behind you. You removed your hat, blouse, and outskirts, handing each to Rey, who folded and placed them on the side table. You lifted yourself up on the examination table, sitting with your legs hanging off the side.

“No corset?” Rey asked, as she pulled out a tool to start checking your reflexes. You blushed. 

“I know I should, but they’re so constricting and hard to work in. I know it’s not really ‘acceptable’, but I’ve resolved with myself that people can either have me take care of twenty-six children on my own each day, or wear a corset.” You said. Rey laughed, rising from checking your knees to move on to your elbows. 

“I’m with you. I can count the times I’ve worn a corset on one hand.” Rey said. She was about to say something else when she paused in words and movement as she was crossing to your other elbow.

“Is something wrong?” You asked, getting worried. She slowly lifted her brown eyes to yours, then back down to what caught her eye. You blushed a ferocious shade of red when you realized what she was staring at. All along your collarbone were the scattered remains of the hickies Kylo had marked you with, evidence of what had happened, hidden away from the world until now.

You threw your hands up to your face, humiliated and ashamed. Your secret was out, sort of. It all depended on Rey, who you barely knew. Would she tell people? Tell Rose? Would you be run out of town as a tarnished woman? A Hester Pryne with her scarlet letter? You tentatively peaked through your fingers to see Rey’s reaction. She blinked a couple times before grinning widely.

“No, no, no! None of that!” Rey said, gently pulling your hands away from your face. She laughed lightly. “I know you’re probably a bit embarrassed, but don’t worry about it. Nothing I haven’t seen or done before.” She said with a wink. You sighed, feeling your shoulder droop in relief. Rey laughed, moving on to your other elbow.

“Nothing to be ashamed of.” She smiled at you as the color of your face faded to a less flushed blush.

“Anyone I know?” She asked, wiggling her shoulders. You snorted at the suggestive movement and shook your head.

“No, just someone who…...passes through.” You explained, sort of. Rey nodded.

“And he takes care of his rubbers?” She asked, moving on to check your lungs.

“Rubbers?” You asked, confused. Rey froze, before slowly stepping back in front of you, her brow furrowed.

“Condoms? He brings contraception?” She asked, concerned. You shook your head. Rey stepped back.

“Have you been using any means to prevent pregnancy?” Rey asked. 

“He’s never finished inside me. So, yes.” You confirmed. Rey sighed, relaxing a bit.

“Thank goodness. Still a risk though. Have you been regular since you’ve been seeing him?” Rey asked. You nodded.

“Good. I’ll check on that before you leave, but we need to get you on your own contraceptive to be safe.” She said, walking over to her shelves.

“What are my options?” You asked. 

“Condoms, but I doubt you’d like to have those on hand or have to purchase them yourself. So I can give you this.” Rey said, holding out a curved half sphere thing. You took it from her, squeezing it between your fingers.

“It’s a diaphragm. Think of it as a shield or a literal barrier. Put it in before you have sex.” Rey explained. 

“Thank you.” You said, gratefully. 

“Of course.” Rey said with a smile as she continued on with your exam. 

“How long have you been seeing him?” Rey asked, after a while when she was inspecting your ears.

“Huh?” You asked.

“Your 'just passing through' friend, how long has it been going on?” She asked.

“A little over a year now.” You told her, finding a weight you didn’t know you were holding inside yourself lift a little. It was nice to tell someone else about Kylo, in the round about way that you were. It just made everything between the two of you feel less like a fever dream and more of the reality of it.

“He followed you out here from Jakku?” She asked.

“Sort of. Like I said, he just passes through, always on the way to someplace else. I don’t think he’s the type to ever settle down.” You said, smiling to yourself. Picturing Kylo do anything domestic in his stupid mask. The visualization of him dressed in all black with his mask and plowing a field was quite funny.

“Explains a bit. What is he? Some sort of bandit, or a cowboy, a soldier?” Rey asked, teasingly. You laughed a little too hard as you shook your head.

“Just someone who sees me when he’s in the area.” You told her. 

Rey helped you off the table, and started to hand you your clothes so you could redress.

“That doesn’t sound convenient for you. Does he send you any notice?” She asked, handing you your blouse. You chuckled.

“No, but I wish he did.” You said, buttoning the blouse up, pausing though when you were halfway done. “Although I think it’s better that he doesn’t. Because if I knew he was coming to see me, I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else but counting down the hours until I would see him.” You told her. You took a moment before you returned to your blouse, finishing the buttons and tucking the fabric into your skirt. 

“Sounds like you’re in love with him.” Rey said softly. Your hands froze, but you shook your head. You looked at the floor as you placed your hands on your hips, still shaking your head. 

“No. I can’t be. It wouldn’t be smart.” You said to the floor. You felt Rey lay a hand on your shoulder.

“Oh, darling. If love is anything, it’s never smart.” She whispered, squeezing your shoulder gently. 

You were about to respond when the door to the Doctor’s office burst open. A man ran in, out of breath, gasping for air.

“What’s wrong? What is it?” Rey asked, running to grab her medical bag, immediately in physician mode. 

“Bandits! A whole gang of them, in town! They shot the Sheriff.” The man wheezed out, resting his hands on his knees.

You and Rey looked at each other as you both whispered, “Poe.” 

“Where is he?” Rey asked, moving the man to sit in her chair.

“In front of the Town Hall.” He told her. 

The blood drained out of your face as you watched Rey run from the office. You knew without even seeing or hearing them, that it was the Knights of Ren. You approached the door, staring at the now empty street laid out before you. You had a choice to make. Go to try and see Kylo or to go help try to save your friend. The thought only had a second to cross your mind before you ran into the street towards the Town Hall. 

You sprinted after Rey, ignoring the people who called out to you as you ran by. The dust from the street picked up behind you as you sped down the street, no even looking or listening for the gang. You found Rey bent over Poe, who was laying in the street. He looked pale and was clutching his shoulder moaning. His hands and shirt were covered with blood.

“What are you doing? Get out of here, hide!” Rey ordered as she started working on Poe, pulling out a pair of scissors to cut his shirt off so she could see the wound.

“I’m helping you.” You told her, reaching for Poe’s hands to pull them away from his shoulder.

“It’s not safe! Poe wouldn’t want you to risk your life for him!” She said, cleaning the wound while working to stop the bleeding.

“They won’t hurt me.” You told her. Her eyes flashed up to yours, before she looked back down at her patient. If there was any sign that she understood the hidden meaning in your words, she didn’t show it, handing you pads and gauze to press down on the wound. 

“Hang in there Poe, I’m gonna give you something for the pain, alright?” Rey said, turning to her bag, fishing for her morphine.

“It’s alright Poe, we’re here with you. I’ll make sure you’ll be okay.” You said, bending close to his ear so he could hear you. 

The sound of horses hit your ears. They pounded past you in the street. You slowly raised your head from Poe’s face as you looked up. Your eyes instantly met Kylo’s. As he rode past you, he stared at you, looking furious. You stared back, glaring at him, as you watched him and the Knights of Ren run out of your town. 

There was going to be hell to pay when you saw each other next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll try not to leave you on a cliffhanger for too long.  
> once again i want to thank you for reading from the bottom of my heart. the response is more than i ever imagined, so thanks for indulging in this au with me!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confrontation and conversation

Night had fallen by the time you left the Doctor’s office. You and Rey had spent hours in the makeshift surgery removing the bullet and shrapnel from Poe’s shoulder. Rey had asked you to stay the night with her considering how late it had gotten and the concern over the Knights of Ren being in the area still.

“It’s not safe. Stay here with us.” She pleaded after the two of you had set Poe up in her bed. He was in a deep sleep thanks to the elixir of painkillers Rey had given him. 

“I need to get back. Goodnight.” You told her as you left. You had already kept him waiting long enough.

You knew he would be there, at your cabin waiting for you to return. Kylo's masked face had been etched behind your eyes for the last several hours. All while you worked with Rey to stop Poe's bleeding and save his arm, you saw his furious stare whenever you blinked. Somehow he knew you had chosen Poe over him, and he wasn’t about to let it slide. 

Then there would be a reckoning to face on both sides tonight, because you were not about to let him be cross with you for helping your friend. 

As you opened the door to the cabin, there he was, fuming. You ignored him, walking past him seated at your table, over to your small kitchenette to set down your packages. Acting as if it were any other night. A large hand gripped your wrist, turning you to face him, making you stare up at him. If looks could kill then you would have burnt to a crisp from the fire in his eyes. 

You watched as his gaze took you in, pausing on your clothes, you were covered in Poe’s blood. You yanked your arm away from him, and crossed to the other side of the room.

“Why did you shoot the Sheriff?” You asked. 

“Are you serious?” He asked, disbelieving.

“Completely! Why did the Knights of Ren come to Lothal?” You asked.

“We just go where the money is.” He told you sternly.

“Yes, but this is where  _ I _ live!” You cried out, furious. “This is where I’m trying to make a life for myself. You hurt my friends, my neighbors!”

“You never had a problem when we’d hit Jakku.” He retorted, clenching his fists. 

“You never shot any of my friends before!” You shouted. 

“Ah, yes. I saw that. How is he?” He asked with mock concern, taking a step towards you.

“He’ll live. Almost died thanks to you.” You growled.

“I’ll bet he’s so grateful for your care.” He sneered. 

“What is your problem?” You asked.

“I couldn’t find you.”

“I have a life. I don’t just sit around waiting for you if that’s what you think.” You said, turning away from him to go light some candles, it was too dark in here.

“Oh yes, it’s very clear to me now that you have plenty going on when I’m not here.” He snapped from behind you. 

“What are you saying?” You asked, rolling your eyes as you walked past him to light the last candle by your front window.

“How many others are there?” Kylo asked sharply. 

“What?” You asked, turning back to look at him, utterly confused. 

Kylo stood across from you, his fists clenched at his side.

“It’s clear to me that your Sheriff is a close friend of yours-” He started to say before you laughed. 

“You’re kidding me, right?” You said, wiping away a tear that escaped.

“You were cradling his body in the street!” He exclaimed, crossing over to you, growing more livid.

“BECAUSE YOU SHOT HIM!” You yelled, all humor gone. “I’m not gonna let my friend die alone because  _ you _ had an itch to scratch.” You said, poking a finger against his chest.

“What about you? How many others do you have coming around here, huh?" He said, batting your hand away. "There’s the Sheriff? Who else, the butcher, the baker? You’ve already got the bandit-”

You slapped him hard across the cheek. The sound of the impact ringing in your ears. Your palm buzzed, tender from the strike. There was silence for a moment between the two of you, when Kylo lunged at you. You struggled against him as he tried to ensnare you in his arms. 

“Let go!” You growled as the two of you knocked into your furniture, knocking things over. 

His arms were like iron, twisting you into place. His hand circled the back of your neck, pulling your face up to his as his mouth crashed down into yours. You wriggled in his arms, but he just pulled you tighter against him as he continued to devour your lips. His kiss consumed you until you couldn’t remember what you were fighting about. All there was in the universe was the touch of his lips against your own. His kiss turned less frantic and more languid as he started to delve deeper into your mouth, slipping his tongue into your mouth. You whimpered and sank into it, letting him ravish you.

When he finally released you, the two of you were both panting for air. You searched each other’s eyes, trying to find the words to fit what you needed to say. His hands came up to his face, rubbing his eyes as he turned away from you. You could tell he was trying to think of the right thing to say, but words didn’t seem to be Kylo’s strongest suit. He was a man of action. If you didn't do something quickly, his next choice of action would be to leave. You were so tired of words getting in the way.

“Show me." You told him, still slightly out of breath. Kylo turned back to you as you walked over to him, grabbing the front of his shirt.

"You don’t have to tell me you’re sorry, you don’t have to say anything.” You said as you moved his hands to settle on your waist. “Just show me. Show me what you need me to know.” You whispered.

Kylo’s dark eyes held yours as he slowly brought his fingers up to the front of your blouse, slowly undoing the buttons one at a time. Giving you to chance to stop him, to tell him you didn't want to go from your argument to this, but you did. You did want this. He was trying to say what he meant through his body and it was your turn to listen.

His calloused fingers moved so slowly and carefully, treating each button as if it were a precious stone. When he reached the last one, you slid the bloodstained blouse off of your shoulders. Kylo’s hands slid back to waist, turning you around to undo your skirts. You tried to measure out your breathing, but your skin worked against you, blood pooling against your cheeks. He had an impact on you that you could not control, did he know that? Your skirts dropped to the floor and you stepped out of them, turning back to Kylo in just your shift. 

His amber eyes flickered over your body beneath the thin white fabric. Kylo reached out for you again, but you stepped back. He froze, his arms outstretched, waiting for your cue to let him know he could continue, if he could continue. 

“It’s your turn.” You told him simply. You picked up your scattered clothes and moved them over to your dresser. You could hear him unbuckling his belt, undressing himself behind you. It took every bit of willpower in your body not to turn and watch him, but you had to open Rey’s package and ready yourself. 

When you were ready, you turned back to him and felt your jaw drop. You had seen him without his shirt the week before and that in itself felt you were on cloud nine, but seeing him now was even better. Kylo was completely naked, except for his mask, his hand lazily stroking his already half hard cock. You had never seen a fully naked grown man before, but you were fairly certain that not many other men looked as good as this.

You walked over to him, brushing your hands appreciatively against his biceps. You reached your hands up to his shoulders, feeling your way along his collar bone before sliding them down his chest. Kylo watched with heavy lidded eyes, still stroking himself slowly. Your hands reached his hips, and you slowly brought your hands forward and down to join his hands. You slide your hands under his large ones, the two of you moving together against him. He showed you how to hold him, what speed he liked as he released his hold over your hands. You worked him silently, working from the base out to the head where little pearl drops of precum had started to come forth. You gathered it to hands and Kylo let out a soft moan as your speed subtly increased. You looked up at him, his eyes burning into yours. You released your grip and backed away until the back of your legs ran into your bed. Kylo growled and quickly reassumed stroking himself as he prowled towards you.

“Stop touching yourself, Kylo.” You told him, reaching for his shoulders, pulling him into bed with you. "Touch me instead." 

This was by far the most comfortable location thus far for the two of you. He crawled over you, kissing you so deeply that you thought you might sink down through the mattress. Kylo started to grind himself right against your slick slit, with only the fabric of your shift between the two of you. This was too much separation for Kylo, who reached for the neckline and yanked at the fabric, ripping it open down the middle. You gasped at the sudden exposure of your body, but you were quickly covered by Kylo pressing himself into you, chest to chest, skin to skin. Touching you just like you asked him to. You relished in feeling the heat of him against yourself, savoring in the chaos of sparks shooting through your nervous system with each and every touch. 

Kylo reached down between the two of you and started to line himself up against you. He gathered a handful of your wetness, smearing it over his cock before completely bottoming out into you. You cried out, your head rolling back from the pain and pleasure of him suddenly splitting you open on his cock. Kylo didn’t give you enough time to fully recover before he started thrusting into you. You moaned, dragging your nails against his back, tearing it up as you tried to grab hold of something. 

Your pleasure had been steadily climbing as Kylo continued to slam into you, but you soon reached a plateau. 

“Kylo-” You whimpered against his lips. Kylo drew his head back and looked down at you, never ceasing in his fast paced thrusts.

“You want me to show you? You really want me to show you?” He questioned, his breath hitting your face, his long wavy locks were hanging down in a curtain around the two of you.

“Please Kylo-” You whispered. “I _need_ you to show me.” 

Kylo abruptly pulled out of you. You cried out against the sudden emptiness inside you, trying to pull him back towards you as he removed himself from your grip. You stared up at him, watching his chest heaving as he looked down at you. Making direct eye contact with you, you saw in your periphery Kylo reaching down to your knees. A strong firm hand grasped the top of your calf, lifting your legs up. When you realized what he was doing, you let out a deep moan. He pushed your knees up and out, opening your pussy up for him. Kylo slid back inside of you quickly, pounding into you. He adjusted himself until your scattered cries grew louder when he rammed himself against the sweet spot deep inside you. 

It still wasn’t enough though. You squeezed your walls against him, hoping that would help but you were stuck, trapped right at the edge of relief. You started to squirm against him, trying to seek some sort of relief. Your legs were burning as Kylo held them in place. 

“I-n-need-h--help-K-kylo!” You whimpered, trying to reach your hands down to your clit. Kylo ripped your hands away from yourself, and reached his hand down instead, pressing firmly against clit as he pounded himself into you. You’re screaming, but you can’t hear yourself. You can’t hear anything but the pounding of your heartbeat in your head as the world falls to pieces around you.

You were brought back into reality by the sound of Kylo’s pained grunts.

“Tell me where to cum.” He groaned, continuing to thrust through the vice grip of your pussy. It had to be so tight, his movements were slowing down. 

“Wildfire-” Kylo warned, you could feel the pulse of him inside you, about to burst.

“I want you to cum inside me.” You moaned, nearing into another orgasm from his pressing directly into the sweet spot, placing you at the edge again.

“What?” He asked, voice hoarse, not quite sure he heard you right through his concentration.

“It’s safe, I’m safe. Fill me up Ky-” You were interrupted by his groans as he released himself inside of you. Slowly pushing deeper into you, setting off your second orgasm as the pressure burst on your end. Your limbs shook against Kylo, who reached up to wrap his arms around your body. 

Your body trembled against him, as you started to laugh slowly when oxygen finally reached your lungs. Kylo started to quietly laugh with you before finding your lips and kissing you gently. 

When you finally stopped shaking, Kylo sat up, removing his arms from around you. You let out a weak whimper when he slid out of you. He watched in silent awe as his cum started to drip out of your hole. Reaching over, he grasped a scrap from your destroyed shift and cleaned you before stepping away from the bed to clean himself. 

You watched him start dressing himself to leave, your heart breaking a little bit that he could be leaving you again so soon especially after a fight like that, but to your immense surprise he joined you back on the bed instead. Your heart rate probably tripled in speed as Kylo sat down between your legs, grabbing your knees which were still tucked back and slowly put them back into place as the blood floor returned. Kylo massaged your legs, working away any tingling or numbness that had gathered. 

When he reached the bottom of your leg, he paused before moving down to your foot and started to massage it. Your feet always ache after standing all day teaching or in the case of today, standing in surgery for hours.

“Poe is just a friend, Kylo.” You told him as he finished rubbing your feet. 

Kylo paused for a moment before sliding himself out from under your legs, holding them up as he pulled out your quilt from beneath you.

Was he?

Was he tucking you in? 

Sure enough the most notorious criminal in the Outer Rim, wanted in many towns for murdering their Sheriff’s and robbing their businesses, was tucking you into your bed so gently he could have been moving a porcelain doll. 

You stared up at him as he walked over to the fire, snuffing it out so the room would darken for you to sleep. You couldn’t let him leave like this. Not after everything that had happened today.

“Kylo...can you wait?” You asked as he was still turned away from your blowing out the candles. As your eyes adjusted to the growing darkness, you watched as he stood to his full height. He let out a quiet sigh.

“Wildfire, I-” He started, turning towards you.

“It doesn’t have to be for long!” You interrupted, sitting up. “It doesn’t have to be for long, but can you just….wait until I fall asleep?” You asked, slowly laying back down against your pillow. 

Kylo stared at you silently for a moment or so before slowly crossing the room back to you. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Kylo leaned his back against the wall as he gazed over at you. 

You settled into the blankets as your eyes searched the darkness to trying and take in more of him. There was really so much you still didn’t know about him. At the same time though, you sometimes felt you better understood him than you understood yourself.

“I am sorry.” His voice cut through the darkness. 

“I know.” You replied, curling towards his voice.

“You know?” He asked, the smallest hitch in his voice that anyone else would not have noticed, but you did.

“You showed me like I asked you to.” You told him. You felt movement on the bed as he laid down next to you, slowly reaching out to your hair, undoing your braid. As he finished pulling apart the woven strands from one another, he lightly stroked his hand against your hair.

You were so filled with contentment and warmth and fuzzies that a question you had been holding deep inside yourself bubbled to the surface before you could catch it coming out of your mouth.

“When can I see you without your mask?” 

The hand caressing your brow froze. You held your breath. You had already seen his Knights briefly without their masks and you thought he would kill you for that, but that was then. Something resembling trust had formed between the two of you. It meant something different now, it just had to.

“How do you know you haven’t already?” Kylo asked nonchalantly, as his touch resumed its course.

“No. I would know it.” You shook your head, not even thinking twice about it. Kylo’s body silently shook with laughter besides you at your assuredness.

“How can you sound so sure of that?” He asked.

“I just know that I would be able to recognize you anywhere.” You told him. 

He was quiet in receiving this information. It revealed that you and whatever this was between the two of you had become a liability for him. 

As his mind turned over this information, you peacefully fell asleep besides him, understanding and accepting this could and would change things between the two of you.

You woke up the next morning, having slept the best you ever had in probably your whole life, but he was gone. He had waited like you asked, but again he did not stay…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just gotta give a special shout out to my long distance bff (who doesn't even read fanfic) for letting me read through this entire chapter on the phone to her and then helped me with the trouble spots lol.
> 
> i'm sorry for all the yearning, i'm a libra venus.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hard decisions and choices that will never get to be made

The citizens of Lothal did not take too kindly to the Knights of Ren coming into their town and shooting their Sheriff. The days following the raid were filled with people frantically gathering in the streets panicking until Finn was finally able to calm people down when he suggested they hold an open Town Hall Meeting so that the community could decide collectively what their best options were in protecting their town.

When you arrived, the main foyer of the Town Hall was packed. You slid against the back of the wall, making your way down the side until you spotted Rey who saw you at roughly the same time and waved you over. 

“This is chaos.” You muttered as you stood next to her. Rey nodded as you both looked out over the crowd of people milling about waiting for the meeting to start.

“All of this after just one raid?” You asked. Rey shrugged. 

“They were promised the safest town in the Outer Rim.” Rey reminded you. 

Ah yes, Poe’s great vision of the perfect utopian town free of any danger or threats.

Well in case Poe forgot, this was the Wild West. 

Seriously, there was nowhere in the Outer Rim, nowhere in the galaxy that held that could fulfill what Poe dreamed of. Even if there was law and order elsewhere, out here they were barely holding on by the seams. As was Poe, who was sitting up by the stairs looking pale with his arm in a sling.

“I told him not to leave his bed.” Rey muttered angrily, also looking over at Poe. 

“So naturally he’s here.” You replied laughing as Rey rolled her eyes.

“I’m not even surprised though. I mean at this point why do I even offer my medical opinion to him anymore? It’s not like he takes any advice on anything anyway.” Rey added, shaking her head. 

Everyone was in the Town Hall, a lot of your students came up to say hello before running around to play together, the sounds of their laughter clashing against the anxious sounds of the adults in the crowd. Across the room, you saw the small figure of Rose trying to squirm her way through the crowd in your direction.

“Hi, thanks for coming!” Rose said, crashing into the two of you.

“Of course we’re here Rose.” Rey told her.

“Everything has been so tense since the raid. I’ve never seen anyone as upset as when I told Finn that Poe had been shot.” Rose said, shaking her head. 

You looked back over to where Poe was at the front, sure enough Finn was there at his side, talking intently with his friend. Finn nodded at something Poe told him as stood up and called the meeting to order.

“Thank you all for coming. I’m so glad to see how many of us are dedicated to the safety and protection of those in Lothal-” Finn said.

“What’s the plan?” A man shouted out, interrupting Finn. A few others joined him, shouting out questions. 

Finn held up his arms to call for silence. The crowd fell quiet again. You looked around the troubled faces of your neighbors feeling a twinge of guilt. You could not help but feel a little bit responsible for what happened. Kylo might not have noticed the success of the growing town if he had not been coming around to see you when he was close. He said they just went where the money was, but you had a feeling that your settling here also played a factor whether or not you and your Outlaw would admit.

Your Outlaw? You rolled your shoulders back to disguise the shiver of pleasure that ran down your spine at the idea of Kylo being yours. You knew better though. Kylo could never be yours. The man didn’t even belong to himself.

“We don’t want any more of our community put in danger.” Finn told the crowd, breaking you out of your reverie. 

“However, we don’t want to do anything to challenge the Knights of Ren.” Finn told them.

“But then what’s to stop any other gangs from coming here?” Someone called out. The crowd started to murmur.

Poe stood up slowly, grimacing as he grabbed his shoulder. Rey muttered angrily to herself next to you as the Sheriff crossed over to his friend.

“You’re right.” Poe told the crowd. “We can’t let other criminals and outlaws think that Lothal is a place where their actions will have no consequences.” 

“So what do you propose we do, Sheriff?” A woman called out. Poe sighed, looked over at Finn who shook his head no at him. Poe looked down at the ground. You could tell whatever decision he was making, he wasn’t happy about.

“The Knights of Ren exposed our weaknesses. We can’t leave Lothal defenseless, especially while I recover.” Poe announced. The whole crowd was silent, waiting for his decision to be made.

“Mayor Johnson and I have decided that the best course of action is to call in the army.” Poe told the crowd. 

Voices rose around you, swelling and filling the whole hall. Some were in support, others against the decision. You looked at Finn, shaking his head as he looked to the floor, throwing his hat to the ground. You looked over at Rey, who was biting her lip.

“This isn’t good.” Rose said next to you, you looked over to her to see she was also watching her brother’s reaction.

“What does this mean?” You asked. Rose looked up at you solemnly. 

“The army has been called in before for outlaws and gangs. It usually keeps them away...” Rey told you. Your heart dropped. While Kylo had told you he and his gang had taken on an entire militia before, you knew the presence of a division would keep them away. They weren’t stupid. Nothing and no one was worth going up against the army. 

“But…” Rose said quietly, eyes never wavering from watching Poe and Finn at the front. The two men were arguing with one another that much was clear. You couldn’t hear past the sound of the crowd talking over one another in support and opposed to the army coming into occupy Lothal.

“But?” You asked.

“The General of the army is ruthless. Some say he killed his own father to achieve his ranking.” Rose said, finally looking over to you.

“How can someone like that be in charge?” You asked, shocked.

“Because the army divisions in the Outer Rim are no better than the gangs of outlaws.” Rey muttered. “They’re just as murderous, spiteful, and ambitious as the people they hunt.” She spat.

“Armitage Hux is the worst of them all.” Rose said, shaking her head. “Finn and I tried to tell Poe that calling General Hux won't be a protection. It would be an occupation.” She said, looking back to her brother.

“But Poe can’t think of any other option.” You said, looking back up at the Sheriff. His face was drawn and pale. You knew now that it wasn’t a result of his injuries, but of the decision.

“I know that we all have different feelings about what this will mean. Mayor Johnson already sent a telegram to Fort Steadfast. The army should arrive by the end of the week.” Poe told the crowd. Voices rang out in protest.

“I know that it may not be what we all want. I know that we may disagree with one another over this, but believe me when I say it is the only way.” Poe told the crowd.

“We have harvest coming up. We can’t risk losing it or anyone to attacks on our town by these criminals.” Poe called out.

“Better to be robbed by those who are supposed to protect us.” Rey said, shaking her head. “I’ve heard enough.” She said, turning to head towards the door.

You looked over to Rose, “Go with her. I’ll wait for Finn.” She told you. You nodded and made your way towards the exit through the crowd. Many other people also started to depart the Town Hall. You caught up with Rey as she paced in front of the Town Hall.

“You know, there is only one way to keep a town safe from outlaws.” Rey said as you stepped out and joined her.

“What’s that?” You asked, curiously.

“Make it safe for them.” She said. You stared at her confused. Rey looked around at all the other people gathering outside, the meeting inside was ending, but people were still crowding together to talk about everything.

Rey grabbed your arm and pulled you with her down the street towards her office.

“I heard of a town, where the mayor’s daughter married an outlaw.” She said, stopping outside her door. 

“Are you sure it’s true? Do you even know the name of the town?” You asked with a small laugh. Rey shook her head.

“If we tried to reach out to them, to make them know that they didn’t have to hide themselves here. Maybe they would come here for peace.” Rey suggested. The way she looked at you made you feel uneasy. You took a small step back.

“I don’t think such things are possible.” You said slowly. Rey shook her head.

“You could ask him.” She earnestly. 

“Who?” You asked. Rey gave you a knowing look as she grabbed your hand.

“We both know who I’m talking about.” She said gently.

You tore your hand out of her grip as if her touch burned you. In a way, it had.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You told her, gritting your teeth. 

Rey shook her head. “We both know I know. I saw how the two of you looked at one another. I saw!” Rey said as you turned away from her, heading down the boardwalk, walking away from her. Your head was swimming. So she had seen, Rey knew. 

Rey called out your name, chasing after you.

“Listen. I know-I know this is hard for you. It’s an impossible position-” She said, grabbing your arms, holding you in place. 

“You know nothing about it.” You interrupted her.

“We can’t just let the army come here. We can’t let them take over our town. You have to try to get to him.” She told you. 

“You think I haven’t tried?” You asked, tears starting to gather. “You think I haven’t tried to reach him? He won’t even let me see his face.” You told her. Rey went silent, hands dropping. 

“He doesn’t trust me enough to even see his face.” You whispered again, tears flowing freely now. Rey sighed and pulled you into her arms, holding you as you cried.

You had not let yourself cry over him before. Now though, as you were confronted with how little you actually knew of him, how little you actually had of him, you were devastated. Even worse, you knew you would never see him again. With the army due by the end of the week with no plans to leave, Kylo was gone to you forever. 

What hurt most of all was that you were upset with yourself, not with him. You were upset with yourself for never being brave enough to ask him to stay. Now any chance of asking him was destroyed. You would never get the chance to ask him. You were so afraid of his rejection that you never took the chance, and now you would never know his answer. While he probably would have said no, maybe, just maybe, Kylo Ren might have said yes. He might have stayed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof.  
> sorry about that.  
> big changes coming to town, do you think you're ready for what's to come?
> 
> thank you so much for reading it means everything. i'll try not to keep you waiting on a cliffhanger for too long.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux arrives and shares some metaphors

You sat with Rose on her front porch both sipping lemonade quietly, watching the yelling match happening in front of you. 

Finn and Poe had been in an argument since the Town Hall meeting. The army had started to set up camp outside of town, already establishing a perimeter. General Hux was due to arrive by the end of the night with the last of the division that had been sent out here. Finn was trying to get Poe to send them away in this last stand effort before it was too late and Hux arrived. Everytime you came across the two men in the days that followed they had been in a constant heated argument. Finn called Poe a fool, Poe called Finn an innocent. 

“You are messing with powers beyond your comprehension. Out of our control.” Finn was saying now to Poe who was sitting on the porch steps, just taking everything. 

“Yes, you almost died and while I’m sure it changes things, you know for how you see things, you cannot be so completely blind to the greater threat you are subjecting us to.” Finn yelled.

“It’s done, Finn.” Poe sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. He had stopped shaving after he was shot, and had grown a rather thick beard already nearly a week later. 

“It’s not done, Poe. You can go right up to Mayor Johnson right now and tell him to send the troops away.” Finn pleaded with his friend. 

“Mayor Johnson has cut me off. Taken away all my resources, I'm all alone. Sheriff only by name.” Poe told him standing up. Finn was surprised by this news, as were you and Rose, who choked a bit on her drink.

“What?” Finn asked.

“The Mayor doesn’t trust that I can fulfill the duties of the Sheriff. He’s given me a vote of no confidence. I’m out. Johnson wants the army. I have no say, Finn!” He told him. “I never did.” He said sitting back down. 

You rose from your chair and crossed down to the steps to sit by Poe’s side.

“We have no choice. It’s General Hux’s town now.” Poe sighed, leaning against you as you pat his back. 

The three of you watched Finn pace in front of you.

“I won’t really be that bad, will it?” You asked the three of them. Poe shrugged, but Finn sputtered.

“They’re going to require food and lodging at our expense. We’re supposed to have our best harvest yet, and all that we’ll have to show for it is another winter where we struggle to get by, because we have to use it to feed the army.” Finn listed off to you. 

“Hux is known for his ambitions. He’ll use our town. If anything this place will become a beacon for all the outlaws. Hux will want to draw them in, trap them and destroy them. Why hunt them when he has the perfect bait.” Rose said behind you. Her usually cheerfulness gone, her face was somber.

“Our perfect town.” Poe muttered. You kissed the top of his head gently, trying to find some way to comfort your friend. He was still in a lot of pain physically, and you knew Rey had cut him off of any more painkillers. Poe was also defeated, that spark of fire that made him a man of action had dimmed. Poe had been staying with Rose and Finn so that they could help him, so they could take care of them. You knew Poe didn’t like it. He preferred to be the one to help others. Feeling like he had nothing to contribute, he was melancholy.

“Who’s that?” Rose said, standing up quickly behind you and Poe. Finn turned and the four of you watched a figure on horseback getting closer to the farm house. You and Poe both rose to your feet as you watched the figure draw closer and smaller.

“That’s one of my students.” You told them, squinting to see the oldest boy of the Dobisay family riding towards you.

“That Joeric’s boy?” Finn asked, and you nodded.

“What is it Rydel?” You called out as the boy slowed the horse to a stop. He was gasping for air.

“Hux will be arriving in town any minute. His unit was seen approaching.” The boy said once he could manage the words.

“He’s early.” Poe said hopping on his horse. Even with one arm in a sling, he was graceful as he jumped into the saddle and started racing to town.

Rose ran down and grabbed your hand, pulling you over to the rig.

“Oh no, Rose. I’ll not have you riding into town now.” Finn ordered. 

“And let you leave me here? Someone needs to keep and eye on you.” She told him. “Now harness us up, and let’s go!” She ordered. Finn muttered angrily, but didn’t fight her. Finn climbed on the bench and snapped the reins as you followed Rydel back into town. Your fingers gripped the bench tightly, for fear of falling out as you sped to town. It seemed that the word had spread and other groups were making their way into town to get a glimpse of the notorious General you all had been hearing about.

You had expected this grand entourage. For there to be thousands of soldiers leading the way for this man, keeping the town at bay. Yet, all you saw was a tall, thin man with bright red hair speaking to Poe and Mayor Johnson.

“Is that him?” You asked, incredulous. You weren’t sure what you expected, but it wasn’t this. He seemed to be about the same height as Kylo, but that was where the similarities ended.

“That’s him. That’s Hux.” Finn said darkly as you all descended from the rig. Rose grabbed your arm, the two of you walking together to get a closer look. Finn trailed slowly behind the two of you, a glowering shadow.

You hadn’t seen the troops that had already arrived in town. The unit of soldiers stood at attention with their General in front of them. There looked to be about a full company, at least two hundred soldiers. You felt a chill run down your spine. While they would certainly keep any unwanted strangers away from town, the fact that there were more soldiers than citizens unsettled you. 

You and Rose slowed in front of the Saloon. From the raised boardwalk, you were able to see over the crowd in the street. You could hear Mayor Johnson welcoming the General to town and thanking him for his speedy response to the threat on our town.

“I suppose we might as well address one another now.” Hux said, turning and announcing out to the gathering citizens. 

“I am here with my soldiers for your protection. Whatever you see us do, it is for your safety. Work with us, not against us. To be against us and our presence to defend you, is to be a threat to this community.” Hux projected out to the crowd. He looked around as if cataloging each and every individual’s face. His cold stare meeting your own for a moment, pausing before moving his gaze to the next citizen.

The crowd murmured quietly amongst themselves, a low hum spreading through them. Those who had voiced opposition to calling Hux looked uneasy, slowly fading away from the main street first before the rest of the crowd started to disperse.

“This is exactly what I feared.” Finn muttered quietly. “We should go back to the farm, Rose.” 

Rose nodded and reaching for his arm to walk with him back to the rig. Both of them turned to you expecting you to ride back with them.

“I’m going to wait for Poe. See if I can find anything else out, and make sure he doesn’t spend the rest of the day in there.” You said, pointing at the Saloon entrance besides you. The two nodded and made their way. 

You stepped down into the street, resting your hands on your hips as you squinter against the sun, watching for Poe to head this way. There was no way he could enter that Saloon without getting past you. Sure enough, the Sheriff came into your view, what you didn’t expect was who came with him. 

You raised a hand to shield your eyes from the setting sun behind the men. Poe...and General Hux. 

Poe stopped before you with his “guest”, silently rolling his eyes to you about his companion.

“General Hux, this is Lothal’s school teacher.” Poe said, stepping back so you could introduce yourself. Where Poe’s stance was leisurely and leaning, the General was completely stiff and upright in his movements of reaching out to shake hands.

“Pleasure to meet you.” He said, his green eyes hard and piercing. You felt like they could see right through you, as if they cut through your very skin.

“What are your plans, General?” You asked, cutting right to the chase.

“Geez, teach. Let the man have a drink before you start drilling into him.” Poe laughed, turning to lead the way into the Saloon. 

Well...If you can’t beat them, join them. 

You followed the men into the Saloon. Hux raised an eyebrow, but held the door open for your as you walked past him, following Poe to the bar. You didn’t usually drink at the Saloon, usually only sharing drinks with Rose and Finn when you would have dinner with them. You preferred the quieter atmosphere to talk, whereas you drank at the Saloon if you wanted to be watched. 

There was a decent amount of people in the Saloon, all spread out amongst the tables. Some were playing cards, some were playing checkers, and all were waiting for the dancers to come out and perform. 

Poe always sat in the same seat at the bar, no one else ever sat there because they knew they would be unceremoniously removed if Poe entered the building. You slid into the stool next to him. You expected Hux to sit in the open seat on the other side of Poe, but he sat next to the one next to you instead. 

Poe signaled for the bartender. 

“Whisky sour for me, and whatever they want.” He said gesturing towards you and Hux. You ordered your usual.

“Gin and tonic.” Hux told Jonesy, who nodded and headed away. 

“What do you have planned for us?” Hux asked, turning to you echoing your question back to you. You turned in your chair to face him. While he was sitting with his back to the bar, leaning back in an effort to appear casual, he had not lost an inch of stiffness. He wanted to appear at ease, but he couldn’t fool you. You knew he was taking note of exactly everything occurring around him, compartmentalizing it and taking inventory. 

You stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer your question.

“Are you familiar with the story of the Crow and the Pitcher?” Hux asked, eyes still gazing out to the other customers in the Saloon.

“Aesop's Fables.” You told him. Hux smiled, turning his head to look over at you. You showed him no sign of the shiver than ran down your spine as you stared him down. 

“There are two thirsty crows and one half full pitcher. They can not reach far enough to drink directly from the pitcher.” Hux told you, turning back to the bar top as the bartender dropped on your drinks. Hux took a sip before he continued, “One crow tried to tilt the pitcher over, but it was too heavy. The crow grew frustrated and flew away to seek another source of water. The other crow-”

“Carried stones in its beak to the pitcher, making the water rise to the top so the crow could drink it.” You finished the story before taking a sip from your own drink. Hux smirked at you. You glanced over at Poe, who was quietly listening as he nursed his whisky. 

“There you have it.” Hux said, drawing your gaze back to his.

“What?” You asked.

“That is my plan.” Hux said, as a cheer erupted behind you from the customers. The first of the dancers emerged from the back room. The piano began to strike up a jolly tune as the Saloon dancer started entertaining the group from the small stage against the far wall.

“You’re gonna draw them in, but keep them out? Make it so they’re too frustrated to bother with us?” You asked him, watching him take in the performance.

“See that’s where I prefer not to expand too much meaning to the source material, Headmistress.” He said, a wicked glint in his eyes as they darted over to you and quickly back to the dancer. You were taken aback by the formal address. 

“The story is a lesson in patience, I look at it from that exact point of view.” He said, turning back to the bar to finish his drink.

He was willing to wait as long as it took, just like Rose said. Your heart sank. This wasn’t going to be an occupation, it was an invasion. Any chance of seeing Kylo Ren again was gone. You sat next to the General in charge of it all, sharing a drink with him. Your thirst was miraculously gone. You looked back to Poe, who was signalling for another already. He knew Lothal was Hux’s the moment the General stepped into town. Surrendering his feelings to the drink. The usually extroverted man was closed off, not looking around him at all to the exciting things happening around him. 

“Thank you for your forwardness, General.” You said, standing up from your stool.

“Not going to finish your drink?” Hux asked. You shook your head.

“It’s getting dark, Sir. Best have my wits about me.” You said. You gave Poe a kind pat on the back and a nod to the bartender. Jonesy wouldn’t over serve Poe, and you trusted him to cut the Sheriff off. It wouldn’t help anyone to let him give in to his frustrations. You weren’t going to let Hux get away with anything harmful to Lothal, and you needed your Sheriff at your side ready and able.

“Do you require an escort?” Hux said, slowly rising from his seat, stepping towards you. You took an immediate step back, silently scolding yourself for not standing your ground when he invaded your space so suddenly. You didn’t want to submit in anyway to the man standing before you.

“No.” You said, taking another step back, almost bumping into another patron.

“I assure you, I am quite fine on my own. Good-night, General.” You said to him, turning to leave.

“Good-night, Headmistress.” Hux called after you. 

You could feel his burning gaze upon you as you made your way out of the Saloon. It wasn’t until there was a door between the two of you, that you felt free of his stare. You made your way down the street, wrapping your shawl closer around your shoulders. The night air brings a chill to the late summer air. Harvest was coming quickly this year. You knew there would be no school during it since the children would be required to help their families. You, yourself were set to help Finn and Rose with their harvest. Having Hux to worry about on top of everything else about surviving in the Outer Rim was not what you needed. 

The sun had set, with only a few orange streaks cutting through the midnight blue sky. The street lamp lighter was setting about his task, the torches lighting your way to the edge of town. There were soldiers gathered all about. Lingering throughout town and scattered about all around it. You weren’t away from their view until you were about halfway home. 

You suddenly broke into a run. Rushing to get home, needing to be inside your home. The one place you could shut yourself away from the world from. You could close the door on your problems, they existed only outside your cabin. When you were there, you could pretend. Pretend that you would see your bandit again soon. You could even pretend that he was about to arrive any minute, having actually written to you for once. You could sit in your cushy green chair by the fire and wait for him. Any minute now, for the rest of the night.

As you crossed the creek, a streak of white in the reflection of the water as you jumped over it made you look up. A shooting star streaked across the night sky. You closed your eyes and made a silent wish. Just to be able to see him one last time. Just to have been able to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how can it get any worse? i promise you, it always can.  
> don't fret too much! I have a lot of plans unfolding in the next few chapters.  
> Again thanks for all the support, this fic has been so much fun to work on and it's just exciting to see people dropping what i'm throwing down.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> despite the danger, the town of Lothal finds a reason to celebrate

Summer quickly flew by, and the Harvest was upon the town of Lothal.

Yes, Lothal had been founded on the Kyber Crystal Mine, but when the surrounding soil had been found to be just as rich as the mines around them, failed miners turned to farming. It was actually quite exciting seeing all the miners reunite with their family who they had been able to send for. The town was settling and prospering under Hux’s watchful eyes. People had gone on with their lives, having nothing to fear or hide from the General. It’s not like any of them had an affair with one of the outlaws who shot the town Sheriff and robbed the local businesses. It’s not like any of them were facing that concern at all. 

Seeing the General was stressful and frustrating each and every time. You came into contact more often than you would like, with the General consistently showing up to the school to speak to the children. After you would dismiss the students, he would linger... Asking you questions about your life and your interests, none of them being him.

Harvest was a welcome two weeks away from school, away from teaching, and away from Hux. You were able to actively work, helping to reap the feels, the ache of your muscles overtaking the ache in your heart from missing Ren. None of the endlessly stretched out days before you offered a promise of seeing him. You caught tidbits in the papers about sightings and raids attributed to the Knights of Ren, none of them anywhere near Lothal. 

At the end of the first week of harvest, you wanted to lay down and never get up. You laid on the floor of Finn and Rose’s living room, arms criss-crossed over your eyes to block out the light of the fire. Rose was sitting on the sofa with her feet elevated on top of a stack of pillows. Finn had gone into town earlier in the afternoon, leaving you and Rose to finish up to the day. He was meeting Poe and Rey for dinner. The three of them were up to something, but you hadn’t the heart to ask what. With Hux’s attention apparently focused on you, whatever that trio were planning was somehow slowly proceeding you hoped. 

Just as you started to sink from a doze into sleep, the door burst open. You sat up quickly, eyes unfocused from the sudden light and movement. Rose fell off the sofa and on top of you, knocking you back down. The two of you groaned as Finn and Poe laughed from the doorway.

“Shut up.” You murmured, groggily rubbing your head from where Rose’s elbow had knocked into you.

“Sorry, sorry.” Finn said, as your eyes refocused, you saw him wiping away tears from his eyes. You frowned at him and Poe.

“Now are not the days to just burst through doors.” You scolded them, shaking a finger at them.

“Understood, Teach. Will never happen again.” Poe said with another laugh. You rolled your eyes and started to stand up. Ready for sleep and wanting it on your soft bed and not the hard floor.

“Goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said, trying to hide a yawn as you stretched your sore body.

“Oh, before you go, good news.” Finn said, clapping his hands together.

“What?” Rose asked, having already returned to her spot on the sofa, curling up to fall asleep again.

“Old Jud Jetphre’s decided to host a barn dance at the end of next week to celebrate the end of the harvest.” Finn told you and Rose. Rose cheered from her spot before sinking into sleep.

“In his new barn?” You asked. The Jetphre children had been going on and on about having to help their Pa build the brand new barn almost every hour at school.

“The very same.” Poe said, making his way over to the cushioned chair, settling into it. 

You agreed to go with all of them before you waved goodbye heading home.

A barn dance? Well, at least it gave you something to look forward too. A fun night of music and dancing and your friends all together in one place sounded like something you could really use right now. Plus you thought of it as a little reward for all the efforts to get everything gathered this past and upcoming week. So much work had already been done, and there was still so much left to do. 

The next week you were up and at work from dawn until dusk. Poe and Rey joined in for a few days. By the time you reached the end of the week, everything had been harvested and you were ready for a night to finally relax. No waking up with the sun and working all day. There was no better sleep than that after a societal event with nothing on the agenda the next day. You could enjoy yourself more with the promise of how long you planned to sleep in the upcoming hours.

Rose had joined you in your cabin, the two of you helping each other to prepare. Rose had brought over a dress for you to borrow. She painstakingly buttoned the small clasps that ran down the entire length of your spine. The dress had a high necked collar and was much more fashionable than anything you had ever owned. Your clothing was pretty neutral in color and design, most of them being hand me downs from the older Clayton girls and Holdo gave you a few of her old things when you moved in with her. You spun around, watching the wide skirt move with you. There weren’t many occasions to dress up for in the Outer Rim. Clothes needed to be useful, practical, and workable. 

“Thank you, Rose.” You said smiling over at her. “I’ll launder it before I return it to you after tonight.” You promised, but Rose quickly shook her head.

“It’s yours now.” She told you.

“I can’t accept this!” You exclaimed (though you really, really, wanted to), brushing your hands down the front seams that hinted at your figure beneath subtly, beneath it though you could feel the hard lines of your corset beneath the dress. Rose had insisted on you wearing the contraption. You agreed, mainly out of solidarity with her. If one of you was going to wear a corset all night, then both of you would. 

“Well, I won’t take it back. So you’re stuck with it.” Rose said with a shrug as she turned back to the mirror to finish her hair. You tried to hide your delight in the new dress, but it was exciting. You had been on edge since Poe had been shot, and tonight was finally a promise of something fun to do. 

“Can you help me with this piece?” Rose asked, breaking your train of thought. You joined her in front of the small mirror you had and helped her pin the remaining pieces. Rose was wearing a dress in the palest shade of pink that complimented her skin nicely. Her dress also had a full skirt that swished around with her every movement. 

“There. How is that?” You asked, smoothing out the last piece. Like you, Rose often only wore her hair in a simple braid, sometimes pinning it up. Tonight, however, she had arrived at your cabin with several perfectly cared for fashion pamphlets from the cities back East. She’d been waiting for an occasion to try out the elaborate updos that all the socialites back in Coruscant and Naboo donned. 

You and Rose deciphered the instructions and somehow replicated the complicated braided drawing for yourselves. Rose’s dark black hair had been braided and twisted and pinned into one large updo. You however, favored the less complicated and more sturdy Gibson-esque updo. 

Just as you both finished up, there were three quick raps against your heavy wooden door. You crossed over to it, undoing the latch, opening the door to see both Finn and Poe waiting there. The men were both dressed sharply in crisp button-downs, Poe in his navy vest and Finn sported a colorful green one you were certain Rose had forced him to wear. 

“Looking smart!” You told them, nodding approvingly. Finn rolled his eyes.

“C’mon. Let’s get this over with.” He said, offering his sister his arm, which she took after slapping his arm playfully.

“You’re going to have a great time whether you like it or not!” Rose warned him as they walked over to the rig. Poe waited for you as you locked up, taking his offered arm and walking over to the bickering siblings. 

“Is that a threat?” Poe asked Rose as he helped you up.

“I prefer to think of it as a promise instead.” Rose told him with a sniff. You and Poe shared a grin as Finn yanked the reins, steering the horses towards the Jetphre’s farm.

The Jetphre’s farm was a good distance away, but with the rig it only took you all about twenty minutes or so to get there. The farm was just a bit North of town, closer to the mines. While the land was rich in minerals, it also meant that Old Man Jetphre had to deal with a lot of miners setting up camp on his land. Not that Jetphre cared too much, he himself had started out as a miner years and years ago before turning in the pick-axe for a plow. You were certain that there would be miners and others who were passing through that Jetphre would have invited. Not that there were many strangers passing through town anymore. Hux’s semi-permanent perimeter of soldiers around town and at the train station had slowed down the volume of wayward travelers just trying to make their way from place to place. 

The arrival of the army had slowed business down for everyone just as Finn foresaw. Anyone wanting to make their fortunes fast from the mines headed to other boomtowns with lighter justice jurisdictions. Those who didn’t want questions asked had left. That is all but you essentially. It’s not that you were under surveillance or anything. The only people who knew of your involvement with the town’s most wanted, Kylo Ren, were you, Ren, and Rey. You and Rey had not spoken of it since she alluded to your connection after the Town Hall meeting. What was the point? You were never going to see him again, and Rey wouldn’t turn you in. She, just like everyone else, had her own things to hide.

“You alright, teach?” Poe asked, leaning towards you. You looked over at him, not realizing you had been staring out at the empty fields for the last ten minutes. 

“Of course.” You said, smiling. Poe raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

“What?” You asked. Poe shook his head. You elbowed him gently, mindful of his still sore and tender injury.

“What are you thinking?” You asked him. Poe sighed, looking up at Finn and Rose still chatting animatedly in the front seat.

“You’ve just seemed sad. I was hoping this might cheer you up, but-” Poe’s voice trailed off as you looked down, picking at the fabric of the skirt.

“Listen, if Hux is really bothering you, I-” Poe started, but you let out a sharp laugh, stopping him.

“No, it’s not-” You said, still laughing as Poe stared at you confused, but still trying to understand you.

“I can handle Hux. No, I’ve just been….missing people.” You said, settling on the least descriptive version of the truth that you could tell your friend. 

“I’m sure there’s a lot to miss about Jakku.” Poe said, nodding with you. You tried not to burst into a new set of laughs. You bit your bottom lip and nodded, trying to save face. Miss Jakku? No. Miss the man you met there? Yes. 

“There it is!” Rose called back to you and Poe, saving you from the conversation. 

You rose slightly from your seat, peering over Rose and Finn’s heads looking at the barn. It was certainly large. At least two stories and decorated with lanterns strewn about the outside. Several other rigs were being parked a bit away with the oldest Jetphre boys, a set of twins, directing the drivers where to go so that the horses wouldn’t be crowded too close together. There were a ton of trees surrounding the farm house and the old barn which the Jetphre children said their Pa had turned it into a sort of play house for them. Smart move with so many children to get them out of the way. There was a small pond to the East of the farm house, also surrounded by trees with low hanging branches perfect for climbing, or to swing from. You were able to see a couple rope swings hanging from the branches. It seemed to be an idyllic set up for a hot summer day, swinging into the cool refreshing pond. You felt slightly envious for a very brief moment of the Jetphre children. They were growing up with freedom to run around and play. You wished you could have had the same. 

Poe helped you disembark the rig. The two of you walked arm and arm towards the lit up barn. Despite the darkness of the evening, there was a warm glow seemingly about the whole property. You smiled and waved to your neighbors, stopping to exchange greetings and pleasantries with them outside of the barn. A few of your older students were in attendance too, running up to you to show you their dresses and to gush over yours. They were giddy with excitement over the dance and being able to make their social debuts in ‘society’. You guessed that this did technically count as a societal event. It never took long for young folks to meet with one another and start courting. You figured you would be seeing less of your older students in attendance after the winter. Starting out their lives in their new homes with their new spouses. There was the envy again. Not in the sense that you wanted to be settled down, just that you wanted someone to call your own. To know you belonged together. You caught Poe watching you silently, he was too attentive for his own good. You smiled at him and led the way into the barn.

The interior was lit up with lanterns. There was a band of musicians already playing a jaunty tune with their fiddles, guitars, and banjos. The inside of the barn was just as large, the central space being used for dancing whilst those not dancing surrounded the walls of the barn. There was a table filled with refreshments that Mrs. Jetphre presided over, you saw her shooing her youngest children away. Their giggles rose through the air as they darted between the dancers to the other side of the barn into one of the horse stalls to gobble down the cookies and sweets they had been able to grab. 

“Well, Old Man Jetphre certainly knows how to host a party.” Poe said, letting out a whistle at the sight.

You followed Poe as you continued to speak to people and say hello. Just as you suspected, there were a group of miners in the far left corner of the barn, but they were keeping mostly to themselves. You looked out over the crowd, there were a few soldiers in attendance, but no Hux thankfully. You were fairly certain he would turn his nose up to the idea of dancing. Which you yourself were staring longfully at the couples in the center of the room. Poe was still speaking animatedly to one of the men he introduced you to, but frankly you had forgotten his name already. Finn and Rose were dancing wildly together to the cheers of those around them. You looked back up at Poe, trying to catch his eye, but he was too busy discussing some new model of some rifle or other with the man that he didn’t notice. You let out a small sigh, watching as the dancers finished up the last dance. You applauded politely for the band as they announced the next song. It was going to be a reel, your favorite kind! 

“Is the next dance already taken, or can I have the honor?” A deep voice asked behind you. You froze. You knew that voice, but it couldn’t be, it couldn’t possibly be-

You turned slowly, your gaze slowly moving up from the black boots, up the familiar figure until your eyes reached his face. His unmasked face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was getting too long so i had to split it in half, so this is just part one, part two isn't too far behind!  
> if you need an idea of what kind of music was playing just google barn dance music lol, reels played on the fiddle and such.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> right here right now

You took a sharp intake of air, taking in just how handsome he was for the first time. You knew he would be, but still it was still slightly disarming. Beauty marks, moles, dotted his face and his brow was furrowed as he looked down at you. His mask had never covered all of his face, it had been a sort of wide black band. You knew his features were prominent, but to see them in their full visage fulfilled a need you didn’t realize you had.

You stared, your face slowly breaking into a wide grin. Kylo’s smile mirrored your own. You were about to breath out his name, but suddenly all the air that had been sucked out the room returned with full blast. The loud music and overlapping conversations roaring in your ears. You stopped yourself, biting your lip, remembering where you were. With a shaky hand, you took the one offered to you. Smiling at each other, the both of you sharing in this secret of his true identity, anonymous with the Sheriff right besides you. Speaking of which…You turned to Poe, who was now paying attention to you, looking between you and this ‘stranger’. 

“Do you know this man?” Poe asked, protectively.

“Yes.” You replied, feeling eyes starting to stare. You didn’t want gazes to linger. Kylo was at risk every single moment. You had to think of an explanation quickly that would cover you.

“Yes, we met in Jakku.” You explained to Poe. It was the truth after all, just not all the details.

“Shall we?” Kylo asked with a smirk, his dark eyes dancing. You had missed them. 

You nodded and left your escort, walking with Kylo to the edge of the dance floor to wait for the current song to end. Questions flooded your mind, but there would be time for that later. You were going to revel in this moment for the rest of your life. Asking who, when, what, or how would spoil it. All that mattered was that he was here with you and you were holding his hand. Something about the simpleness of this shared touch felt more intimate than any else the two of you had done.

You only released your hold on one another until the song ended, to applaud for the band. Kylo reached for it again to lead you out and assume your spots. As the two of you started the dance, you could feel eyes on you, Rose giving you a small thumbs up before turning back to her partner, who was now one of the General Store owner’s sons. Finn had gone back to stand with Poe, the two of them speaking, occasionally looking over at you and your partner. 

“I didn’t know you could dance.” You said, as the two of you moved across the floor.

“I could say the same back to you.” He teased. He was holding himself differently. He had his shoulders turned in slightly, as if to make himself appear a bit smaller, which would take a feat to pull that off. He was trying to be inconspicuous, but you didn't know if that was possible. 

“I may be unwed, but that doesn’t mean I’m unsocialized.” You retorted. Kylo grinned at you. It was fascinating to watch how it affected his whole face. The micromovements of all his facial muscles moving into their places to completely destroy you with it. His devastating smile.

You felt lighter than you had in weeks. You wanted to drag him out of the barn and run away, but you had to be smart as always. Yes, no one here knew who he was, which put the two of you more at risk. You resigned yourself to the fact that you had to question him, as much as you wanted to just bask in an evening of normalcy with him for the first time. You remembered the soldiers scattered amongst the crowd, you wondered if any of those other miners were actually miners or the unmasked members of the Knights of Ren. While yes, you had seen some of their faces before, you were a bit distracted by the blood and overall chaos to really take notes.

As the song ended, the two of you clapped. Kylo pulled you away to the edge of the circle, taking your places for the next song, already claiming you for his partner whilst the other people dancing were shuffling up.

“I like the dress.” Kylo told you. You stared up at him in disbelief. Of all the things the two of you should be discussing right now, your attire was not one of them.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him, standing closely.

“I was invited.” Kylo said, smirking down at you. You rolled your eyes.

“How long have you been in town?” You asked him. Kylo hesitated, his eyes looking away from yours before he responded, “About a week. Hiding among the miners.”

“A week!” You nearly shouted, but caught yourself, remembering you were surrounded by the nosy eyes and ears of your neighbors. 

“Why didn’t you…” You trailed off as the music started, this time the song was slower, allowing the two of you to talk a little easier.

“Wasn’t safe.” Kylo admitted. “I really do like the dress.” He added, as if trying to distract you.

“What are you doing here though?” You asked again. 

“Do you not want me here?” He asked seriously, his dark eyes trying to hide the slight hurt in his expression.

“No, not at all. I’m-” You stopped yourself. You weren’t sure how much to admit to him, how much of your true feelings you could reveal. It’s not like he was going to stay with you. You were tired of hiding your feelings from him, but more importantly from yourself. You settled for the truth, it was always the simplest.

“I’m really happy you're here.” You told him, “But-”

“But-?” He questioned. He lifted you up and over in the sweeping dance move. You squeezed his arm tightly, not wanting to fall.

“I don’t want you in danger.” You told him, finishing your thought. Kylo stared at you, his slight look of surprise turning into one of sheer mischief. It was much easier to get a read on him when he wasn’t wearing his mask, however it was some much more confusing.

“Did you just really tell someone who actively marauders, gets into gunfights, and is wanted for multiple crimes throughout the entire Outer Rim and beyond you don’t want them in danger?” Kylo asked, grinning, laughing at his own stupid point. Your intention though had a different meaning.

“Stop laughing at me.” You ordered.

“I’m not laughing.” He said, acting offended.

“You’re smiling, which is as good as. Especially from a sour puss like you.” You told him. 

“My, my.” Kylo said, shaking his head.

“You have such a mouth on you tonight. I should probably do something about that.” He murmured. 

A chill ran down your spine at the unspoken promise in his words. He could see your sudden goosebumps, as you watched his eyes slowly rise up from your arms, to your shoulders, but your neck and face to meet your own. He looked lazily from you, up to something behind you. As the two of your swapped places, you followed his gaze to see the hayloft above the left side of the barn. You slowly looked back down at him, his dark eyes burning. You both knew what he was suggesting. You both knew. 

The song ended, and you finally broke off eye contact to turn and clap for the band. Kylo turned back to you. To dance with him again would have tongues wagging, and the two of you couldn’t just disappear at the same time. This would have to take a bit of time.

“Thank you for the dances. I hope to speak with you again soon.” Kylo said, taking a step back from you. You felt someone walk up behind you, you turned and saw Poe, who was still looking wary of your dance partner.

“Yes, it was good to see you again.” You said looking back at Kylo who gave a small bow to you and nodded to Poe as he walked past you and returned to blend in with the other miners.

“How about a dance?” Poe asked, taking your hand as the next song started.

This reel was very fast and a bit more complicated than the others. Whoever came up with these dances had too much spare time. Do Si Do, Promenade, Swinging and Circling. All this action though didn’t stop Poe from trying to sneakily interrogate you.

“You knew that man from growing up in Jakku?” He asked.

“No-” You said, trying not to lose your breath while talking, “No, we met a little over a year ago.” 

“Was he new to town?” Poe asked.

“No newer than I am here.” You had to start getting creative with your answers. If that meant starting to speak in metaphors and rhymes, so be it. 

You did the mental math in your head. You would need to dance at least three more dances for the focus to shift away entirely from you. During that time you knew Kylo would sneak his way into the hayloft. If anyone could appear and disappear with no one else even noticing, it would be him. You however were going to need to come up with an excuse and a good one. Something to give you plenty of time to do exactly what you wanted to do to Kylo, but still normal sounding. 

After you danced with Poe, you danced with Finn. He was more interested in asking you about the men that Rose had danced with all night and were they nice and were they gentlemen and all the other questions the protective brother felt. After this you decided a quick visit to the refreshment table would also help in your mission. You chatted politely with Mrs. Jetphre about how delightful all of her various children were in school as you sipped a glass of lemonade. When you turned to excuse yourself, you ran straight into a solid black coat behind you. You gasped as you spilled the small amount of your drink on it, dampening the dark thick fabric. You were terribly embarrassed, but as you looked up at your victim, you were horrified to see Hux’s face looking back at you.

Well, this would require a vast amount of changes to your plan for this evening. A quick sweeping glance around the room before returning to look up at Hux told you that Kylo had already slipped away. Good. That was one major concern not to worry about, but you needed to get him away from here as quick as possible. Your brain quickly formed a solution, the 3 dance plan was dropped and the opportunity snatched.

“Please forgive, General Hux!” You said, face flushing. Hux looked down at his soiled coat, frowning at it.

“It was an accident, I’m sure.” He said, peeling the slice of lemon off.

“I can quickly go and clean it before the lemonade ruins it.” You offered, reaching out for his coat.

“Oh-I-uh” Hux sputtered as you started to remove it from him.

“Mrs. Jetphre, may I run to your house and clean this? I would hate to have ruined the General’s uniform.” You said, turning to your hostess who gave you a nod and a knowing smile. Ah, this would also help distract previous attention from you and Kylo. Mrs. Jetphre thought you spilled the drink on Hux on purpose to flirt with him and get his attention, because a good farmer’s wife like Mrs. Jetphre knew that the lemonade wouldn’t even leave a stain on fabric that black. You’d let her think what she wants, you just wanted to get out of there.

“Of course! You know where I keep everything.” She said grinning at you, giving you a small wink.

“Yes, I remember quite clearly.” You said with a smile. You turned back to Hux who seemed slightly flustered by everything.

“Alright, if you’re quite determined to.” Hux allowed, removing the rest of his coat. 

Before he could say anything else, you snatched it and quickly made your way to the barn doors. You walked in the direction towards the house before making a quick left at the edge of the barn. You took a slight pause to catch your breath before looking for the entrance to the hayloft. 

With the way Old Jud Jetphre designed this new bar, the hayloft only extended over one side of the barn, leaving the other half open for hanging up supplies and tools. Tonight the only way into the hayloft was via a ladder on the outside of the barn, as the interior one had been moved out of the way of the party. Your eyes scanned the side until you saw the faint yellow light peeking out of the exterior opening. Hitching up your skirts you made your way over and found the ladder. You dropped Hux’s jacket on the ground and gripped the rungs of the ladder, making your way up. What would have normally been an easy exertion of just climbing a ladder was extremely challenging with all of your skirts and your corset not allowing you to breath. You scaled the ladder regardless, driven by the need to get Kylo as far away from this barn and General Hux as possible. 

As you crawled into the hayloft, the noise of the dance flooded the space. While there were hay bales stacked all over, you could see where the railing was. If you walked over to it, you would be able to look down over the dancing couples beneath you. As you stood, you tried to catch your breath. Honestly just climbing a ladder shouldn’t be so physically taxing, another reason you didn’t care for corsets.

A pair of arms slid around your waist, pulling you back against his body. Kylo immediately started pressing kissing along the side of your face, only stopping when he reached the high collar of your dress.

“Alright, the dress has issues.” He murmured, brushing his lips against the sliver of your neck that was exposed.

As much as you wanted to indulge in one last rendezvous with him as you planned only an hour earlier, those plans weren’t possible anymore.

“Kylo, you have to go. General Hux is here.” You told him, breaking free from his hold, turning to face him. 

You expected some sort of reaction from him, but instead he just looked side to side.

“As far as I see it, there’s no one else up here but you and I.” He told you, taking a slow step towards you. 

“Kylo. Please, it’s too dangerous, too risky!” You pleaded with him. 

“I’m starting to think you don’t know a single thing about me.” Kylo said, shaking his head as he corned you against the hay.

“That’s not true!” You said back immediately, almost too quickly. Which was sort of a half lie. Yes, technically didn’t even know what he looked like before this evening, but you knew enough.

“Oh, yeah? Please tell me.” He said, bringing his face inches away from your own. His breath blowing against your lips.

“I know how to make you feel good.” You told him, slowly bringing your hands up to his chest. Kylo smiled down at you. He was certainly in a good mood tonight. 

“You sound very confident about that.” He said, taking a step back from you. The distance drawing the tension in in the loft taut. You still had your hands on his chest, you slowly brought them down to settle on his belt buckle. 

“I am.” You promised him, turning him around so that he was the one against the hay. 

He helped you unbuckle his belt, revealing a tantalizing patch of skin just between his hips. You sank down to your knees, pulling down his pants to release his already half hard cock. You drew your tongue up his length, feeling a shiver of pleasure run down your spine at the sound of Kylo’s sharp intake of air.

A fresh wave of adrenaline flooded through your veins. Oh, who cared if Hux was just in the space below the two of you! You had been desperate to find a way to show this outlaw how much he meant to you, so you were going to listen to yourself for once. Since you couldn’t find the way to do it with your words, you needed to show him instead.

You brought your hands up to stroke him while you tongued the pink tip of his head. Kylo grunted softly. You used his sighs and sounds as a guide, increasing your speed as you started to bob your head up and down, taking as much of his length into your mouth as possible. You peek up at Kylo through your lashes, warmth flooding your belly, his strong brow knit together in deep concentration. You decide to add a little scrape with your teeth to his shaft. Kylo moaned, his hips jerking him deeper into your mouth. You focused then on hollowing your cheeks, working to get him to his release. Kylo gripped the back of your throat, thrusting into your mouth. You rested your hands on his hips, using your nails to drag along his skin. As you brought your nails in and down to graze over his balls, Kylo’s hips stuttered. He was so close, so you repeated the same track with your hands, this time adding more pressure. Kylo grunted loudly as his release flooded your mouth. You swallowed all of it, leaning away from him to catch your breath. 

Kylo sank down against the hay, both of you panting as the band announced it was taking an intermission. You smiled at the impeccable timing of your safety net of sound. You sighed as you lay back against the hayloft floor. You felt a hand graze your stocking, moving up past your pantaloons to the slit that bared your thighs. You sighed as the warm hands started to spread your legs, the cool air hitting the wetness that had gathered between them. 

“Kylo, we can’t. The music’s stopped.” You said, sitting up to move his arm away while you still could.

“Then you’ll just have to be a good girl and stay quiet.” Kylo replied, bringing his right hand up to push you back down. You gasped as his calloused fingers started circling your clit.

“Do you think you can do that for me, Wildfire?” Kylo murmured, his focus on your face, commanding your eyes on his as he slowly slipped a finger inside of you. Your jaw fell open at the relief of the sensation. You let out a small moan, before smacking your mouth shut, fearing discovery. Kylo stared down at you, his intense eyes never breaking contact from your own. He had brought his right arm over to the side of your head, holding himself up from there so he could look down at your face.

You swallowed another moan when he inserted another finger, starting to pick up the pace. You gripped his arms, needing something to hold onto or else you’d start flailing around in the hay. You panted for air, fighting against the corset and containing your pleasure. Of course you wouldn’t have to struggle so hard if he would just close the gap and kiss you, but he was determined to watch your face when he undid you.

“Hello!” A voice called up the hayloft. It had come from the exterior entrance. The two of you froze, holding your breath. The voice rang out again, this time calling your name. Your eyes shot open as you tore yourself off of Kylo’s fingers. You ran over to the entry, not even looking back to Kylo as you frantically collected yourself. You had to respond or else other people would hear and try to help find you. You had already been away for too long…

You peeked down from the entry to see Rey standing at the bottom. She stared up surprised as you made you way down the ladder. She backed away from you as you made it to the bottom. Rey’s brown eyes were perfectly readable from the sudden darkness of the outside.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, trying to act casual despite where you were. 

“I was worried about you.” Rey replied, moving something in her hands. You looked down and felt a surge of anxiety when you saw Hux’s coat in her arms.

“Oh.” You said softly.

“There you are.” You heard Hux call out, you grabbed the coat from Rey as she turned around to see Hux behind her. 

“Yes, sorry. Just stopped to talk to my friend.” You replied, walking past Rey towards Hux. Rey grabbed your arm and stopped you.

“I’ll be right with you, General!” You called out. He hesitated before nodding and returning to the barn entrance. You turned to look at Rey, confused as to why she stopped you. Rey slowly reached up and pulled a piece of hay out of your hair. 

Your heart sank. You stood there silently as Rey picked through your hair and dress until there wasn’t a single piece of hay left on you. Rey stepped back, silently letting go of your arm.

“I-” You started to say, but couldn’t think of the right words to say. 

“Thank you.” You finally said, stepping away from her and hurrying back into the dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew! that was close wasn't it!  
> agh im just so excited by this story that i love writing it!  
> thank you all for your awesome comments, they really mean the world to me!  
> also we all owe a special thanks to my friend Allison, without her there wouldn't have been any smut in this chapter lol. Thanks for the suggestion Al!  
> see ya soon!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's more than you think

You were struck by the brightness of the barn’s interior. Even though the band had taken a break from playing, just the sound of people talking to one another filled the space. It was overstimulating, but you plastered a fake smile on your face as people looked over at you when you passed them by. You kept your eyes away from the hayloft, fearing that any small glance would give you away, especially as you walked up to General Hux who was waiting for you near the entrance.

“My sincerest apologies again, General Hux.” You told him, handing back the coat. Hux took it from you, looking at where you had spilled your drink. Even though you had done absolutely nothing to the coat but abandoned it to the great outdoors, Hux hummed approvingly and slid it back on. You looked around, trying to catch someone’s eye as an excuse to walk away, but no one else was very eager to be around the intimidating man.

“Is your dance card full for the rest of the evening?” Hux asked, his question pulling your focus back to him. 

“Oh, no. That is, we aren’t using dance cards tonight.” You laughed.

“No dance cards?” Hux asked, cocking an eyebrow in distaste.

“Well, paper is more of a commodity in the Outer Rim, General. We don’t need to waste it on a silly outdated etiquette.” You explained. 

“You can’t tell me though it doesn’t have its resourcefulness though.” Hux said, looking out over the crowd of people. 

“What might that be?” You asked, politely. You could see the band returning to their station and picking up their instruments. A sense of dread filled you. They couldn’t already be done with their break so soon?

“Knowing the competition.” Hux said, turning his gaze to you. Blood flooded your cheeks. To some it might appear to be a modest blush of naivety, but you knew it was out of pure anxiety. Hux held out his arm expectantly, and you took it silently. Who better to distract Hux than you it seemed. You would take the task on, but you feared it may cost a significant price.

You could feel everyone’s eyes on you. It was nothing compared to the attention you had with Kylo, which was good. People would be more eager to gossip about you and the General than you and some nameless miner. The band struck up a new song. Hux could dance well, you’d give him that, but there was still a great stiffness to him in the way he moved. Like Poe, he was also interested in talking as well.

“I’ve been told you’re from Coruscant.” Hux said, not a question, just seeking confirmation.

“I was born there if that’s what you mean.” You replied.

“No affiliation with it now?” Hux asked this time.

“If I would have to say I’m from somewhere, I don’t think Coruscant would quite fit the bill. Jakku was never really home, but it was as close to it as I could get before here.” You told him. “Honestly, I don’t know if anywhere will ever be home. I think you find home with people, not places.” 

“How poetic.” Hux stated.

“Do you disagree?” You asked, curious.

“I don’t think people are reliable. Nor do I find places as trustworthy either.” He replied.

“So you’re a nomad?” You asked, trying to decipher his lackluster metaphors.

“No,” He said, sharply, “I’m a soldier.” 

Well that was the end of that line of conversation. You didn’t ask him anymore questions, there wasn’t much you wanted to know about him. Hux seemed satisfied enough with your responses, so you hoped you would be released as the song ended, but after you politely applauded, he extended his arm to you again expectantly. 

“I should find my escort.” You told him hesitantly, looking around for you friends.

“I’m sure there’s no one better to ensure your safety than myself.” Hux told you. 

You slowly took his arm and walked with him away from the dance floor. All around you, people parted ways, no one wanting to stand in Hux’s way. You stared at the floor, not even caring where he was leading you. You were trapped with him. The path of the barn floor was suddenly blocked by a pair of black boots. You looked up to see who was foolish enough not to read the room, and felt your stomach drop through the floor. Kylo was standing directly in the way of your and General Hux. Hux paused mid-step. You anxiously watched his face, searching for any signs that he recognized the wanted man in front of him. Annoyance was the main emotion. You let yourself start to breathe again. You were terrified and tried to think of something you could do. You could lead Hux in another direction! Before you could move though, Kylo had to ruin everything.

“May I have the next dance?” He asked, staring directly at you. You could feel Hux turn his gaze on you as well, but you were frozen. Maybe if you pretended to be made of stone, you actually would become a lifeless statue. The one small, small part of yourself fluttered with excitement that he wanted to dance with you again, the rest of you was screaming in panic.

“I’ve made an acquaintance with all the miners in town and I don’t recall you.” Hux said, looking Kylo up and down. 

“I’m just passing through.” Kylo replied, sizing up Hux as well.

“No one is allowed to pass through town unless they’re visiting a specific resident. Outsiders and outlaws aren’t welcome.” Hux replied, eyes narrowing. Every strand of hair on your body was standing on edge. You felt faint, actually fainting right now wouldn’t be the worst idea. Everyone loves a swooning lady at a party. 

“What is your name?” Hux demanded. Kylo opened his mouth to respond.

“Ben.” Another voice answered. You tore your gaze away from Kylo to Rey who had joined the three of you, standing to the left of Kylo. You looked back and forth from Rey to Kylo. The two met eyes briefly, before Rey looked back to Hux. Kylo however, kept his gaze on the doctor. His expression barely changed, but you knew he was surprised to see Rey.

“This is General Hux, Ben. General Hux, this is my guest, Ben.” Rey said, formally introducing the two men. You tried not to look as confused and curious as you felt. Did...did Rey and Kylo know each other?

“Ah, yes. Doctor, I didn’t expect to see you this evening.” Hux said addressing Rey, but still staring at Kylo in the corner of his eyes.

“I think it’s important to involve yourself in community events. You can’t disagree with me in this case, as you yourself are here.” Rey replied smoothly. If anyone was picking up on the sheer frantic energy radiating out of your body, they weren’t showing it.

“Very well, Doctor. Tell me, who is your guest in relation to yourself? Unless, of course, that’s doctor-patient privilege?” Hux asked, leaning forward.

“A friend from home.” Rey told him.

“What is the purpose of his visit?” Hux asked her. You wondered why Hux was asking her and not Kylo, but there was a chance Hux had a suspicion Rey was lying and was trying to catch her.

“He’s passing through. I offered him a break from his travels.” Rey told him, having no trouble holding his stare. Hux leaned back slowly accepting this for now, but frowning at her nonetheless. Rey didn’t even look at you as she addressed Kylo.

“Actually, Ben, it’s getting late and I need you to take us home. Poe had to see to some trouble in town, and I promised him we would take her home.” Rey said, pointing towards you.

“Trouble in town?” Hux asked, focus switching to his control over the town.

“Just the rowdy folks not invited to the dance having their own party in one of the Saloons.” Rey said dismissively. 

“I’d better go get a report from my men then. Make sure the Sheriff’s actually done his job for once and taken care of it.” Hux sneered. 

You could actually punch him right now. Seriously. You even felt your hand turn into a fist. If you happened to just pull back your arm and swing, well you just had no control over your body then. You felt a hand circle your raised up elbow. You looked up to see Kylo holding it discreetly. Hux had not even noticed, he had turned to signal his men to return with him to town. You let go of his arm, moving closer to Kylo. Rey turned and led the two of you out of the barn. 

“Rey I-” You started to say as you walked outside.

“Shut up. Not yet.” She interrupted. 

The yard was filled with people who came to escape the crowded barn. Somewhere smoking, others were just milling about all the rigs and horses. Did Kylo ride a horse here? You never saw him with a horse, but somehow he always had one when he needed it.

Rey continued to march across the lawn, down the path taking you away from the Jetphre property. You and Kylo trailed silently behind her. You could tell Rey was upset, but you didn’t know if it was specifically at you or at the situation. 

It was only when you had walked a good distance away from the Jethpre’s farm and were on the main road that Rey stopped. You and Kylo froze as she took a deep breath in and out. Rey turned slowly to the two of you.

“You don’t have to walk me home. I can make my way there by myself.” Rey told you, before she started to head back towards town.

“Rey! Wait!” You said, rushing over to stop her.

“Are you going to tell me what that was about?” You asked.

“Are you going to thank me?” She asked.

“Thank you. You have no idea-”

“Actually, I do.”

“Why though? Do you-” You looked back and forth between the two of them. “Do you know each other?” You asked.

“He’s the one who should tell you everything.” Rey said, looking over to Kylo, “I’ve done my part for the night.” She said, starting on her path again. 

“Leave by morning. I won’t be able to help any further.” Rey called out as she walked away.

You turned to Kylo. Or Ben? How much of what you had just seen was true and how much had been a cover-up? You would think Rey had just made it up, but they way Kylo reacted when he saw her face...Something was there.

“Do you know Rey?” You asked, straightforwardly.

“She knew my mother.” Kylo told you, staring up to the sky. His mother… He had never said anything about his family before. He hardly said anything to you before truthfully.

“She knew you as Ben.” You said, connecting the dots. Kylo’s eyes dropped down to yours, his reaction confirmation. Ben. His name was Ben.

“Are you upset?” He asked, his voice drawn. You stared back at him confused.

“Upset? At what? At you?” You asked, furrowing your brow at him. Kylo nodded.

“No-I...I wish you could have told me, not Rey.” You said, shrugging your shoulders. “If you wanted too.” You quickly added.

“I want you to.” Kylo responded, just as fast. “It’s okay that you know.” 

You wanted to lean up against him and stare up at the stars, but surely such a move would be too intimate for him. He had already given you too much tonight. His face, his mother…and his name. 

The two of you set off into the night, heading back to your cabin. It was a decent distance, but you barely minded it. The whole time you and Kylo spoke quietly about what each other had been up to. You savored each morsel of time you had together. You knew as soon as he got you home, he would be on his way again. So you tried to find ways to prolong your walk. Pointing out different stars, pausing to stare up at them. Pointing out certain landmarks about town and telling him about them. All too soon though, you reached your door. 

You unlocked the door, slowly opening it before turning back to look at him. You expected him to tip his hat, maybe a caress on your cheek and a silent good-bye. That would be enough to sustain you until you could potentially see him again. When Hux and the army left and he could more freely pass through, if he remembered you. You would always remember him.

“Are you going to invite me in?” Kylo asked, catching you by surprise. You smiled up at him as you stepped back further opening up your door. You could feel him standing close to you as you turned to close the door. The night was not over yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew! we did it. major writer's block on this one, but we figured it out.  
> the next chapter is gonna be a fun one, so hang in there.  
> this fic is gonna be more chapters than i originally said, but that's not bad thing, right?  
> let me know if there's anything you want to see!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't let your thoughts get ahead of yourself

The interior of your cabin was dark. You latched the door shut and grabbed the kerosene lamp that you had on the table. You turned it on, the dim light from the small lamp spreading light into the room. Suddenly more light flooded the space, you turned to see Kylo crouched in front of your fireplace, stoking life into the flames there.

What were you supposed to call him now? His name was Ben, but you had only known him as Kylo. Could he be both? The outlaw and the mysterious man that you had only caught glimpses of in rare moments. You want to ask him which was which, but you so desperately feared that to ask would shudder anything he would tell you. The only reason you even knew his real name now was because someone else said it. Because someone else knew him before he was this. What happened? What made him choose a life on the outskirts of the law over belonging to a community, a family you now knew he had out there. Did you want to know though? Did it really matter, because if he had not made that choice, then you never would have met him. He wouldn’t be here with you now.

“You’re thinking awfully hard over there.” Kylo’s voice brought you back into focus.

“What?” You asked.

“I can see it on your face. What’s on your mind?” He asked.

“Sometimes I can’t keep up with my thoughts.” You said, shrugging as you set down the lamp. “There’s just so much to consider all the time, it’s a race to keep up with my thoughts.” You admitted to him. 

Kylo stood and crossed over the room to you. You liked seeing him without his mask on. It made whatever was happening feel more grounded in reality. Like there was something tangible between the two of you, and not just the day by day dream you lived in when you were together.

“I can make that go away.” He said, looking down at you. With the fire behind him, his face was shadowed.

“I don’t think that’s possible.” You said with a small laugh. Kylo reached up and brushed a loose piece of hair out of your face.

“Do you trust me?” He asked. 

“Yes.” You answered, far, far, too quickly. He paused, but allowed it as he ran his knuckles against your cheek.

“Then let me help you. Let me clear your mind.” Kylo said, placing his hand around the back of your neck.

Your heart beat started racing, and you knew he could feel it through the pulse of your neck. You nodded at him, and he pulled forward to kiss him. Gone was the usual rushedness of earlier this evening and most of your previous encounters. His lips were slow as they moved against you. Did he think of ways to torment you like this when he was gone?

“You’re thinking again.” He murmured against your lips. 

“Can you read my mind?” You asked, half teasing half fearful that he actually could. You honestly wouldn’t hold it past him.

“Your thoughts are loud. I can almost hear them buzzing through your skin. You’re not very good at hiding your reactions.” He replied, stepping back from you. 

“You have no idea.” You whispered, more to yourself than to him. 

“Take off your dress.” He ordered. You shivered as you brought your fingers to your back to undo the buttons that ran down the length of your spine. There were too many of them, but you fumbled your way through them nonetheless. Kylo watched you as he unbuttoned his vest. You were able to get most of the buttons, but you were struggling to reach the last section of them. 

“Can you help me?” You asked, turning your half unbuttoned back to him. You were facing the fire, the warmth seeping into your skin. You felt his fingers slowly start to unclasp the last few small buttons. Even from behind you could feel the way his gaze was sweeping over you. Kylo brought up his hands, sliding the dress off of your shoulders. You looked over to him as his fingers grazed the straps of your camisole.

You rarely wore a corset, but Rose made you wear one to the dance in order to be respectable and most importantly, fashionable. You started to reach back to undo the lacing as quickly as you could, but Kylo stopped your hands.

“Stay still.” He ordered, as he reached up to start to undo your corset himself. 

You crossed your arms in front of you, holding your elbows. Goosebumps raised up and down the length of your arms. You tried to cover them, but there was no disguising the shiver that ran down your spine as you felt your corset loosen around you.

“I don’t know if I should be impressed or upset with how easily you can undo a corset.” You murmured. Kylo chuckled as threw the stiff material to the side. You could finally take a deep breath for the first time that night. You didn’t, however, have the chance to steady yourself before Kylo reached up to your chest from behind you. You sighed back against him as he massaged your tender flesh through the thin cotton fabric.

“Plenty of people hide their treasure in their corsets, can you blame me for checking everywhere?” Kylo teased, brushing his lips along your shoulder. You tried to laugh, but all you could focus on was his hands. The gentle pawing had turned into purposeful pinching and kneading. You gasped as he pulled on one of your nipples as he started to suck marks into the skin of your neck. The dual sensations scrambling your brain. You were literally sagging against him at this point. 

“Do you like that?” He asked. You moaned in response.

“You’re not thinking anymore. Just feeling, it’s better when you just feel it.” He said, turning you back to face him, his lips crashing down against yours. You reached up to him, holding his face against yours. He was right, you weren’t really thinking anymore. It was just him and you right here, right now and right now you wanted him more than you ever had before. 

You brought your hands down to his chest and started undoing the buttons down the front of his black shirt. Lips never leaving his, you tugged the fabric off of his body. The warmth of his skin enveloped you, making your mind go more hazy with lust.

Kylo’s fingers deftly undid the front buttons of your chemise, baring you fully to him. You pulled him back towards the bed, yanking down your drawers in the process. Kylo finished stripping as well. Before he could pin you down under him, you dragged him on to the bed and scrambled on top of him, looking down to position him right at your entrance. 

Before you could sink down on to him, Kylo’s hands gripped your hips and impaled you down on to him. You shrieked as your body adjusted to having him inside you so suddenly. You clawed against his chest, leaving your mark on him. He started to moved under you, but you smacked your hand against him.

“Kylo-I swear if you move a single muscle right now, I will rip your head off.” You gasped. Kylo started to laugh beneath you, his shaking doing the exact opposite of what you wanted right now.

“Kylo!” You hissed, gripping his biceps, squeezing hard as you tried to ground yourself as you still settled into him. 

You tentatively started to move against him. Slowly grinding yourself up and down on his cock. Kylo let out a groan, which spurned you to start moving faster. The sound of his pleasure, raising your own. Between the grunts, the sound of skin meeting skin filled the space. You had shut your eyes, only focusing on the building of pleasure within your body. Zeroing in on how you felt and not what you were thinking. There was nothing going through your mind but the determination to reach your climax.

You bounced on him, chasing the sweet release that had been stolen from you earlier in the night. The sound of Kylo’s harsh breathing just spruned you on further and further, faster and faster. You could feel your thighs starting to give out when there-! You felt him rub right against the sensitive spot inside of you, sending you into a shaking orgasm as you fell apart on top of him. You made no sound, too caught up in the euphoria of warmth shooting through your entire body, feeling it reach all the way down to each individual fingers and toes. 

Your post-orgasm haze was quickly broken though as Kylo held up you hips and continued to fuck through it.

“Good. Now give me one more.” He commanded, continuing to pound into you.

“I can’t.” You cried, your body done out. 

“Yes, you can. I can keep this up all night, if that’s what it takes.” He growled, lifting your hips higher so he could hammer into another part of you. You let out a sharp gasp as he quickly found that sensitive spot in you again. The pressure started to rise quickly inside you again. No way. There was no way he could have you cumming this fast again- His broad thumb pressed against your clit and the world shattered. You fell forward on to his chest, as he finally allowed his own release to happen in the seconds following yours. 

You laid there on top of him, essentially boneless. The only movement in your body was your walls still pulsing and squeezing against his cock, milking him of everything he had, trying to keep his softening penis inside of you. You felt gravity pull you down to the side of him, your hand resting over his rapidly rising chest. You smiled to yourself, brain filled with nothing but warm and fuzzies as you let your exhaustion carry you off to a dreamless deep sleep.

You stretched out your sore and tired limbs. Aching from what you put it through the night before. Something solid behind you moved. Sitting up quickly, a long pale arm quickly pulled you back down and into a suffocating embrace. Your voice was muffled against his chest, your whole face smashed up against him. You were starting to lose oxygen, so you started smacking his bicep repeatedly before the man besides you finally woke up. You scrambled in his loosened grip to turn your body out towards the air. You could feel his body waking up besides your own, though some parts were more awake than others. You felt something hard and solid prod against your back. You wondered if he was as aware of it as you were. 

“Good morning.” Kylo greeted you, his voice was husky and as deep as could be just waking up from what you were sure was a restful sleep. 

“Morning.” You said rolling back over to face him.

Pink. It was the only way to describe what you were feeling right now. Waking up in the arms of the man you loved, his dark rich eyes sleepily staring back into your own. His hand brushing through your loose hair lazily. The whole day was ahead of you and full of potential. There was a whole myriad of problems from the world outside your blankets. Right here though, wrapped up in his arms, the world could wait. You were safe, you were warm, you were lov-... 

You were with him, and that was enough for now. Everything was...pink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter, but there's plenty more to come  
> hope everyone is staying warm out there. if i keep getting snowed in, then i'll have plenty of time to write!  
> Alexa, play Pink in the Night by Mitski for these folx to really send the end of this chapter home for them


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> explanations

“I’ll be back in a month.” Kylo told you as the two of you walked to the edge of the woods behind your cabin. 

He had never shared his plans with you before, he would just leave and show up again whenever he was passing through. With the threat of General Hux and the army however, perhaps that was why he was giving you a heads up. As happy as you were to see him magically show up at the barn dance last night, it had been risky and you would rather he not be risking anything to see you.

The morning had been wonderful. Soon after the two of you had woken up, Kylo took you slowly and lazily. After that the two of you went to the creek to wash yourselves and ended up mainly splashing one another. You had brought a picnic breakfast, and the two of you dried off and ate together. You relished in the easiness of how the two of you were just able to be with one another. You spoke much more than him, easily carrying the conversation. Kylo just wasn’t a talker, but his quietness never bothered either of you. Being able to just sit in silence together was something hard to come by with another person.

Now you had walked together through the woods of the creek to where it led away from town. You had wanted to hold his hand the whole time, but instead you just held your elbows, squinting to look up at him in the morning sun. He was wearing black, as always. His signature color so it seemed. You felt like your pale blue dress was a beacon to anyone who might be in the area. You looked around the woods now, the leaves were starting to turn brown. A month from now autumn would be starting to fade away to the early signs of winter. You could wait a month, it’s not like you had not waited longer for him than before. At least now you know he’s coming back.

“Where are you going?” You asked, “If I’m allowed to know.” You added. Kylo grinned and looked over at the horizon just past the edge of the trees.

“I’m meeting up with the others in Nal Hutta. From there, we’ll see.” He told you.

“What do they do?” You asked him.

“What do you mean?” He asked, looking back over at you. Seeing his face fully still disarmed you, making your heartbeat falter.

“Well, when you’re here or other places by yourself…” You clarified as you looked down at your boots, kicking a stick. You weren’t going to pride yourself by letting yourself believe you were the only one he was seeing when he rode through the area. Kylo stared at you silently.

“Do they...have people to visit?” You asked, hating yourself for even bringing the subject up in the first place.

“I’m sure they do. We don’t really talk about these things with one another. It’s better for us.” Kylo explained. You nodded. That made sense.

“I’ll see you soon, Wildfire.” Kylo said, cupping your cheek, bringing his lips down against yours gently. 

“I know you don’t like it when I tell you to stay safe, so how about undamaged?” You asked, taking a step away. Kylo smiled as he pulled out his mask, trying it around his face.

“Fair is fair.” He winked, and walked to the edge of the tree line. He gave you a small wave as he exited the woods and started to jog across the clearing. 

You sat down at the base of a nearby tree, not caring about getting your dress dirty. You pulled up your knees, wrapping your arms around your legs as you rested your chin on top. You watched him grow smaller and smaller until he was just a faint black speck and then nothing anymore. 

You stayed there a while longer, just staring at the land laid out before you. Nal Hutta wasn’t too far. You could stand up right now and join him. You could probably catch up enough with him that you could follow him. Stay out of his sight until you were far enough away from Lothal that he couldn’t send you back. 

You didn’t do that of course. Instead you stood up and brushed yourself off, heading back towards your empty cabin.

You couldn’t decide if you were mad or glad that Kylo told you he would be back in a month. On one hand he was coming back! On the other, each and every minute felt like an hour. Time was at a stand still it seemed, and you were stuck with it. The days passed by, each one the same as the other. With the Harvest over, there were more students back in your class than before. The oldest children who usually had to help on the farm weren’t needed at home anymore, so their parents sent them to you. Some of these teenagers were the perfect students, others were turning you into a nervous wreck. Fighting and flirting and just being so loud all of the time. You proceeded with your job nonetheless and were proud to say that you were making progress with them.

Hux still kept dropping in unannounced, but now he had taken to lingering around for so long you had no choice but to let him walk you home. The short distance that it was. Rose had rescued you one evening, coming upon him monologuing about his military academy days to you in front of your door. Rose leapt into action, asking you to help her with a ‘feminine problem’ she had, and the General was quick to excuse himself.

“Thank you again, so much.” You sighed, as you handed her a cup of tea. You dropped into your cushy chair, rubbing your eyes.

“I can’t believe Hux is so latched on to you.” Rose said, taking a sip.

“I should have known after the dance last month.” She said, shaking her head.

“Oh?” You asked, sitting up, “What do you mean?”

“Well, you were the only one he danced with.” She explained.

“He had to leave to spy on Poe.” You brushed her off, staring at the fire.

“Yes, but he just stood there before that. Waiting for you to come back with his coat...” Rose said, her voice fading away as you blushed, thinking about what you had  _ really _ been up to then. 

“Why did you lie?” Rose’s question made you jump, forcing you back to the present.

“What?” You asked, crossing your legs to disguise any sign of your spike of arousal thinking about the Jetphre’s hayloft.

“Why did you lie? To Hux? About his coat staining?” She asked, studying you. 

“Oh.” You said flustered, sitting up straighter.

“Just looking for a reason to get away from him.” You said quickly, “But I guess I didn’t really think about it, cause it led me right back to him.” You sighed.

“Well, I wish I could step in and help you find a way to avoid him, but Finn is up to something and you taking up so much of his attention is helping whatever it is he’s doing.” Rose told you.

“Really? I mean I figured something was up with him, Poe, and Rey.” You shared.

“Yeah, they keep meeting in the corn field. I’ve asked Finn to let me help, but he refuses to let me know anything. Even Rey has been tight-lipped lately. Maybe you could get Poe to talk!” Rose suggested, her face lighting up with the idea. She set down her tea so she wouldn’t splash herself with her shaking hands.

“Me? Why me?” You asked, surprised. Rose rolled her eyes.

“You really don’t pay attention, do you?” She asked, crossing her arms, staring at you.

“What?” You asked, you were too tired to deal with this after the long day you had.

“Poe likes you.” Rose said as if she were speaking to a child. You didn’t like her using that tone with you. You weren’t a child anymore, you weren’t naive to the world around you.

“I could tell that he has a fondness for me-” You explained, resting your hands on your knees, leaning forward.

“Fondness?” Rose laughed. “I’d say besotting is more fitting. I’m hoping you’ll start courting by winter.” She said smugly, leaning back in her chair.

You felt your stomach turn. You supposed it was inevitable. That there would be a point where you would have to make a choice. You couldn’t spend your whole life waiting for a couple of hours with a man who didn’t know where he would be past the next day. Should you settle down now, cut yourself off from him while your heart still had the chance to survive? Poe was nice, but he wasn’t...him. You couldn’t fool yourself. You were in love with Kylo or Ben or whoever he was.

Rose called out your name, drawing your focus back to her. She stared at you, concerned.

“Sorry. It’s just been a long day. I need some rest.” You explained, standing up. Rose caught her cue to leave and hugged you good-bye, seeing herself out.

You latched the door behind her, returning to sit in your cushy chair for a little while longer. You stared into the fire, the logs cracking happily. Your choice had been made, your mind was set. Whatever happened, it would always be Kylo. You needed to know more. It was time to talk to Rey.

You and the town doctor had not spoken since the dance. She had made it clear that night that you had reached the limits of her being understanding. Besides, she was busy with an additional army of patients to tend to now. Rey wouldn’t give up her information easily, so you had only one option. Bribery.

“Is it all for me?” Rey said deeply inhaling the scent pie you had brought her. When she had opened the door minutes before, her expression had been guarded, the second she saw the dessert in your hands, she turned to mush. You had her right where you wanted her.

“All for you.” You replied, taking a seat on the settee. Rey had a sparse smattering of decor just like you. You were both used to having to pack up and leave at a moment's notice. Never really able to reach that feeling of being fully settled somewhere.

Rey quickly helped herself to a serving and let out a moan when she took the first bite.

“I didn’t know you could  _ cook _ .” Rey sighed, savoring her mouthful.

“I have many talents.” You shrugged. One or two more bites and you would make your move. You didn’t expect to get this far, you honestly hadn’t come up with a clear list of questions that you needed to know. So you decided to start with what you did know.

“Ben said you knew his mother.” You said gently. Rey froze, the forkful of pie hovering just outside her mouth. Rey looked over at you, trying to look back at her innocently. Rey looked down as the pie and sighed, setting the food down.

“You could have just asked. You didn’t need to seduce me with your baked goods into talking.” She said, waving a hand over the bribe. Your head hung in shame at having been caught. 

“Her name was Leia.” Rey’s voice forced you to look over to her. She was sitting comfortably next to you, leaning back into the seat. Her expression..soft.

“Leia Organa. She was from a very well to do family. Old money. One of the few heiresses in the Outer Rim.” Rey told you. Heiress? Old money? But then why-

“She ran off and married an outlaw. A smuggler named Han Solo.” Rey said, answering your question.

“An heiress and an outlaw?” You said, in awe. 

“More like the princess and the outlaw. Leia was the mayor’s daughter too.” Rey corrected you.

“So when you said you knew of a mayor’s daughter who married an outlaw, you were referring to Leia and Han? Ben’s parents?” You asked.

“Well, I didn’t know it was Ben when I told you about them, but yes. Mayor Organa arranged for their town to be a safe place…” Rey said, her voice trailing off. 

“What? What is it?” You asked. Rey smiled weakly at you.

“I had forgotten, I was so focused on finding the solution that I forgot the outcome.” Rey explained.

“I don’t understand.” You admitted.

“It burned down. The town Leia’s father was in charge of. Alderaan. It’s gone now. The Hutt gang were after Solo, they burned it down when they didn’t find him or his family.” Rey told you sadly.

“How bad was the fire?” It must have happened way before your time in the Outer Rim, surely you would have heard about it if it had been while you lived out here.

“Most of the town died. It tore Han and Leia’s relationship apart. Han started going on longer and longer raids until he died.” Rey told you somberly. Your heart broke for them.

“How do you know all of this?” You finally asked that question that had been on your mind the most out of all of this.

“I met Leia in Chandrila, I was only a nurse then. That’s why I know Ben as Ben.” Rey said, the puzzle pieces coming together.

“When did she…” You started to ask,  “A few years ago.” Rey answered.

“Were he and his mother close?” You asked, unsure about how far to go in this line of questioning. As much as you savored each detail, you really wanted to learn about him from, well, him.

“There was a lot of distance. She didn’t like that he followed his father in the family business.” Rey told you.

“She knew?” You asked, shocked.

“Of course she knew. She knew everything.” Rey started laughing. “There was one time, I remember that she said, ‘at least he’s smart enough not to use his real name when he robs people.’” 

You laughed with her, but it didn’t quite warm the worries gathering in your heart. 

Luckily, you were saved from having to say anything further by a sudden rapping at the door. Rey stood and crossed over to open it, letting in Poe. 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you had a visitor.” Poe said, surprised to see you.

“I was just leaving.” You told him, standing up. 

“Oh, no, it’s nothing, we can-” Poe started to say before another short burst of knocking landed on the door. Rey opened it to Finn, you quickly snuck in.

“No, I know the three of you need to meet. I’m more useful to you where I can distract those who might wish to intrude.” You told them causally. 

You squeezed Rey’s arm, sending her a silent thank you as you passed her, she nodded and gave you a small smile as she shut and latched the door behind you. 

It was only noon, there was still so much time in the day. You decided to head down main street and make your way home. There were stacks of work waiting for you to grade it, maybe you would take advantage of what was probably going to be one of the last sunny days and sit outside while you did it.

You walked down the street, daydreaming when at the edge of town, a horse walked in front of you, almost taking you out.

“Watch where you’re leading that thing.” You told the rider, looking up to see Kylo staring bemusedly down at you. 

“Hop on.” He told you. You looked around quickly, you were far enough away that no one on main street could really see you. So you took the opportunity quickly before it would be taken away. You grabbed his outstretched hand and used the stirrup to maneuver yourself on the horse behind him, wrapping your arms around his chest to hold on tight as you rode away from town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should really invest in one of those writing burst timers, because honestly been having so much trouble focusing to even write anything. but we made it!  
> a lot revealed to you today-where is he taking you, what do you need to know from him specifically? we'll see.  
> we're crossing into pisces season momentarily, hopefully that won't make or break this flow, only the stars can tell.  
> see ya next time!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lesson learned

You held on to Kylo for dear life. It’s not that you had never ridden a horse before, but never at such a speed as this. You were whisked away from town, heading South, far away from anybody else. There weren’t many farms or homesteads this direction, it was where the prairie took over the land. An endless stretch of grass miles and miles about you. Not another soul in sight. 

Finally, Kylo slowed the stallion, the horse coming to a stop at the top of a hill. In front of you, fence posts stretched out, cutting a line in the tall grass in front of you. Kylo slid out of the saddle, turned and reached his arms up to you. You placed your hands on his shoulders as he helped ease you off the horse. You smiled up at him, feeling windblown and reckless. You pulled him down to kiss you. He indulged you for a moment before pulling back with a wicked grin.

“We have things to do, Wildfire.” He said, gripping your chin teasingly between his thumb and finger.

“I know.” You said, and jumped up to kiss him on the cheek.

“Just put a hold on all that and meet me by the fence post.” He told you, giving your butt a swat in the opposite direction as he led his horse down to the small stream at the bottom of the hill. 

You headed over to the fence posts, your head in all a whirl. You had been hoping for him everyday, but never expected to see him in town. You had some hopes of moments planned out in your head, but being literally swept away had not crossed your mind. You felt almost giddy about the whole thing. The risk of being caught, of having been seen...It felt as if you were on the run too. A fresh wave of adrenaline rolling through you.

The sun was high in the grey skies. You reached the fence post and stared at the wooden plank laced with barbed wire that wrapped around and led to the next post several feet away. Something reflective caught your eye. You stepped forward, looking closer to see what it was. Your heart stuttered when you realized what it was. A shining revolver nestled in the grass. 

Curiosity overcame fear as it usually did for you. You bent down and picked the firearm up, it was heavier than you thought it would be, but you held on to the handle tightly. 

“It’s for you.” Kylo said, coming up behind you.

“For me?” You asked, shocked. 

“With all the sordid characters in town, I want you to be able to defend yourself.” He explained.

“Right, the outlaw in front of me being the least of my concerns.” You snorted, looking down at the revolver. It was on the smaller end with a mother of pearl grip.

“Laugh all you want, but we’re not leaving here until you show me that you can handle and shoot it.” Kylo told you, voice firm. You nodded back to him.

Kylo gave you a detailed demonstration about how to load and unload the bullets, how to adjust the barrel and so on and so forth. 

“Now, when you’re aiming, keep your finger off the trigger.” Kylo said, standing behind you to help you find your stance. He kicked your legs out to widen your stance. You smiled to yourself as you let him move your body this way and that until you were in the ‘perfect’ stance.

“Now, you’re gonna shoot the bottle off the fencepost. First one you’ll do with me, then reload while I replace it, and try it on your own.” Kylo explained. 

Together you pulled the trigger and the glass shattered on the other side of the field. 

“Ready to try it on your own?” Kylo asked, stepping back from you. You nodded. Kylo ran over to the fencepost to replace the bottle while you loaded another bullet into the chamber, waiting for him to return to your side before you shut the cylinder. 

You lined up your shot and fired without hesitation, grinning as the bottle exploded and you turned back to look at Kylo. He just stared at the fencepost for a good minute before he turned back to look at you.

“So, you’ve shot a gun before.” He admitted, an embarrassed smile spreading sheepishly across his face.

“Mr. Clayton made sure all of his store employees knew how to use the revolver and shotgun in case the store was robbed.” You shrugged. Kylo raised an eyebrow.

“Wasn’t that the store robbed by my men?’ He asked.

“Yes it was, because I wasn’t in it to stop them.” You told him. He grinned.

“You would have shot one of my men?” He asked, skeptical.

“Absolutely.” You nodded. In reality, you weren’t so sure, probably not. It would have depended on if you had actually been in there or not.

“Well, why didn’t you shoot me then, when I robbed you?” He asked.

“Because I wanted to join your gang, remember?” You told him. “Wouldn’t be the right way to introduce myself, would it?”

“Well, if I had known you could shoot like that, maybe I would have changed my answer.” He joked.

“Do you mean that?” You asked, not able to meet his gaze. 

Would he let you join it now? Did you want to still? Looking back you seemed so wide-eyed and foolish. Asking an outlaw if you could join his gang while he was in the middle of robbing you. Here you were now, having learned nothing apparently. 

“I don’t know.” Was all Kylo said in reply. 

You looked down at the revolver in your hands, needing something else to focus your attention on. Sloping letters caught your eye. You looked closer and saw a name engraved into the gun, _Wildfire_ , his nickname for you. 

“What’s it like?” You asked, looking back up at him. 

“What?” He replied, looking down at you.

“I read about you and your Knights in the paper. About the bank you robbed in Dantooine. What is it like?” You asked.

“It’s...exciting.” Kylo shrugged, walking back towards the stream. You followed him, quickly matching his stride.

“Is that why you do it?” You asked.

“Do what?” He replied, you rolled your eyes.

“Choose to live outside the law.” You explained.

“I didn’t choose it.” He said quickly, squatting at the bed of the stream, gathering some of the water there and splashing his face with it.

“Then why do you do it?” You asked, sitting on a large rock besides him.

“Because it’s who I am.” He said simply, removing his black hat, setting it on your head. He undid the handkerchief he wore around his neck, dipping it in the water to clean off the dirt and the sweat.

“Do you really believe that?” You questioned, adjusting the hat so you could see him properly.

“Yes.” He replied. You were about to challenge him when he looked back at you saying, “It’s what I need to do. It’s one of the only things that makes sense to me.”

You looked down at your feet. Dragging the toe of your boot through the sand, making a line. The line turned into a series of lines, as you created a design with no exact end in mind. Kylo finished washing his handkerchief, wiping his face and hands clean before tying it back around his neck. He watched your design grow, before he picked up a nearby stick and started adding to it. The two of you working silently on it together.

“Rey...Rey told me about your family.” You admitted to him. “Or, I guess I made her tell me.” You corrected yourself.

“I figured as much, you can be very convincing.” He replied easily, but you knew there was uncertainty for both of you about the situation.

“You don’t have to tell me, but I’d rather hear about your life from you.” You told him, stopping your artwork, looking over at him. Kylo didn’t stop though, he kept dragging his stick through the dirt, connecting lines you left and adding new ones.

“What is there that matters?” He asked, “What is there about me that you honestly don’t already know?”

You wanted to reply with lots of things, but his words gave you pause. For the longest time you felt you didn’t really know that much about him, but come to think of it, there was also a lot that you did. He preferred to wear black, he was kind to his animals, he was a strong leader and a stronger man. He preferred to listen than to speak. He was charming, when he wanted to be, he could be silly when he wanted to as well. He was true to his word. Everything that you didn’t know was just history. While it can inform you about a person, it doesn’t really tell you too much about who they really are. The past is the past, and with you Kylo only ever focused on the present. The past didn’t really matter and the future was just a reminder of how important moments were when you were together. 

It was nightfall by the time you got back to your cabin. Kylo helped you off his horse again. You walked away from your door, your eyes caught on the stars above you. It was something you never fully got used to. Just how big the skies were out here. In Coruscant that light pollution and smog had been so bad that there was nothing to see. Yet out in Jakku and Lothal, the stars spread out onwards and forever. 

You sat down on the grass, laying on your back to stare up at the night sky. The heavy footfall of Kylo approached you. Rather than asking what you were doing, Kylo sat besides you, moving to lay on the grass besides you and look up as well. The two of you laid there taking in the silent sky. Black, midnight blues, white and purples filled the sky, settling in like a blanket surrounding you.

“I know that people say looking at the stars makes them feel small, but when you think about it, the stars are just as small from down here.” You told him. You felt his head turn towards you, you looked over meeting his gaze. His eyes studied you in the darkness, you could tell he was figuring out how to respond.

“You never cease to surprise me.” He finally said, reaching out and tucking a stray piece of hair back behind your ear.

“What do you mean?” You asked, turning over on your side, resting your head on your arm.

“Just when I feel like I have you figured out, boom-” Kylo snapped his fingers, “You just say something that completely catches me off guard.”

“Well that’s not good for an outlaw.” You said, teasingly. 

“No, it’s not.” Kylo responded seriously. 

The smile sank from your face. The blooming mood completely snuffed. It had happened, he was realizing you weren’t worth it. That you did know too much about him, that you were a liability. That you weren’t worth the risk he was taking by coming out here to see you time and time again. You knew it would come eventually, but not here, not now.

You started to reach towards him, but quickly decided against it, rolling back on your back instead. You closed your eyes, no longer caring to take in the lovely night. You had to hide any signs of the gathering tears starting to swim in your eyes.

A warm hand encased your own. Your breath caught, eyes popping open. You stared up at the sky as fingers wove with your own, intertwining your hands. You tilted your head down to let your eyes confirm what the rest of your body was telling you. Kylo was holding your hand.

Your head rolled back in place, air returning to your lungs. You never would have guessed that he would grant you this intimacy, this seemingly simple act of just making a connection with you. You closed your eyes, savoring the moment. Trying to commit every detail to memory. The slight bite of the late autumn air, how warm your hand felt in his, the itchiness of the grass poking into your back, the sound of his breathing besides you.

“I have to go.” Kylo told you, but made no effort to move. Whatever high you were on came crashing down, your heart sinking. You weren’t surprised though. This was how it always would be. He would leave and you would stay. You weren’t sure if it would get any easier every time though. A piece of yourself would always be leaving with him.

“I understand.” You replied, squeezing his hand gently. 

Kylo rolled over, leaning over you on his side. He brought his free hand up to trace the outline of your face with his index finger. Brushing over your forehead, eyebrows, nose, and eyelids. As he finished drawing it over your cheek, he paused, just at the edge of your lips. He leaned in and kissed you gently, slowly drawing away to lay back down. You pulled up your hands, pressing a kiss against the back of his palm before looking back up at the night sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm starting another new job next week, so there may be a bit of a dry spell of chapters in march as i sort through adjusting. but i don't really need sleep though, do i?  
> again thank you all so much for reading, it genuinely means the world to me.  
> something big is coming, we'll see if you're ready for it!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a storm is due

Kylo promised he would return before the first snowfall. How was he supposed to know that? Setting an estimated time of arrival as based on the weather was no way to give you a timeline. Regardless, you continued on in your routine as if you never saw him. 

The nights were getting longer, daylight getting shorter. With the winter rolling in, Finn and Poe seemed to be stopping by your cabin constantly to make sure you were ready for the winter.

“The snow out here can be brutal. Sometimes there will be several feet of it all at once, possibly snowing you in. Are you sure you don’t want to spend the winter in town?” Poe asked as the two of you chopped wood together.

“I don’t want to impose on anyone. People in town are slammed enough with Hux making them take on him and his officers.” You said, slamming the axe through the wood.

“You wouldn’t be, you know that. Plenty of us would be happy to have you.” Poe told you, placing a new piece of wood on the cutting block.

“I know, Poe. I know.” You sighed, setting down the axe to rest your arms for a moment.

“You could move as soon as school goes on it’s winter break.” Poe suggested.

“That would be the end of next week.” You informed him, shaking your head.

“It’s not like you take up much space.” Poe told you. For some reason that rubbed you the wrong way. You were silent in response, lifting the axe and getting back to work.

“That is if you plan to return to teaching after the winter…” Poe said. 

You lodged the axe into the cutting block.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You asked, as you tried to pull the handle out.

“I know Hux has been paying you calls….If he makes you an offer-”

“Poe!” You shouted, cutting him off, shuddering at the idea. “I have no intentions to marry General Hux whatsoever! What gave you such an idea to even consider it?” You asked, befuddled.

“Well, you spend so much time with him. You haven’t exactly shooed him away.” Poe said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

“I’m doing that for you! You and Rey and Finn. Whatever the three of you think you're secretly up to. I know if I distract him it helps you somehow, except no one will tell me!” You said, exasperated.

“We’re trying to keep the danger between the three of us.” He told you, serious.

“I have no fear of danger.” You replied, rolling your eyes. If only he knew what you had been up to and who with.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” He brushed you off, turning back to the stack of wood, busying himself with the pile.

“I traveled to an unknown town with an uncertain promise of a job and a home, how can you say I can’t weigh the risks.” You countered, not letting him shut you out.

“Hux is dangerous-” Poe said, turning back to you.

“And yet you’re perfectly content to let me keep batting my eyelashes at him.” You retorted.

“If I had my say-” Poe, stopped himself and shook his head.

“What? What would you have me do?” You asked him, adamant for a response.

“I would have you with me.” He admitted. “I could keep you safe…”

“Why does everyone think I need protection?! Haven’t I kept myself safe my whole life? What am I doing to make people think I’m fragile?” You exclaimed. You were gesturing with an axe for goodness sakes. 

“Can you blame me for wanting to take care of you?” Poe asked, calmly. “For loving you?”

You understood how you felt. You really did. You knew how it felt to love someone who couldn’t love you back. Even if you did go with him, did marry him, you both would know the love was coming from him. That would be unfair to the both of you. Better to be alone than to live a lie.

“Poe, I can’t-” You started.

“I know. I know you can’t.” Poe said, resigned.

“Then why…?” You asked, confused. Why would he admit that to you if he knew you didn’t feel the same?

“Because some things just need to be said. Nothing is promised, our lives are not promised, tomorrow is not promised. I couldn’t go another day without telling you.” Poe explained with a shrug.

“Even though you knew I wouldn’t-”

“Yes...I’ve already almost died, I can’t waste my life dreaming of what could have been.” He admitted. Poe started to collect his things, putting his hat back on. 

“But...it’s safer, you wouldn’t be hurt like this.” You pointed out.

“I was hurting more by keeping it in.” Poe replied, finally meeting your eyes. 

His warm brown eyes were sincere. It almost made you wish that there was some part of you, somewhere that loved him back. Yet, as you stared back at him….nothing. There was nothing at all. Just the need to know what was going on. 

“Poe, what are you planning? What are the three of you going to do? Let me help!” You pleaded for an answer.

“You’ve done your part. Stay home, stay alert, stay careful.” He said, tipping his hat and crossing to where his horse had been tied up.

“You can’t just leave me with that Poe.” You called out to him.

“Something is happening. We’re going to find out what. Soon we hope.” Poe told you. He mounted his saddle and nodded at you, riding away. Leaving you behind just like everyone else did.

The last week of school passed, and you released the children out to their winter breaks with happy smiles and filled with the pure bundle of energy that only a long break from school granted them. A few of the older girls stayed behind a bit longer to help you clean up the school room and to say goodbye. A few of them were getting married in the spring and wouldn’t be returning to the school. You wondered what it would be like, a few years from now when you would have their children in your school house. You shrugged it off, focusing instead on enjoying the time you had with them now. 

As you locked up the school house, a shriek erupted from the girls behind you. You turned around quickly, looking for the cause, looking for the danger. It wasn’t a shriek of fear though. The girls were pointing up at the sky, giggling excitedly as fat fluffs of white floated down from the grey skies. 

You had seen snow before in Coruscant, but it was grey and dirty and not at all like what you were seeing now. The wind started to pick up, and you pulled your woolen shawl tighter around your shoulders. The weather on the prairie moved quickly, you knew that the wind carried the promise of more snow coming soon. Storms rolled through fast, and you urged the girls to hurry home. The grey skies growing darker, pressing in on all ends of the horizon. You hurried home, Kylo’s promise in the back of your mind.

The cabin was dark and empty. You quickly set about getting everything ready, the amount of snowfall starting to fall down quicker and thicker and it was starting to stick to the ground. You moved the woodpile from outside of your cabin to the interior, the wood pile almost reaching to your roof. It looked excessively, but based on what Rose had shared with you about previous winters, it would be necessary. Your shelves were filled with preserves that your student’s mothers had sent as gifts this past week to thank you for the semester. Your provisions also made up a side of the cabin, filling the space with flour, sugar, vegetables, and dried meats.

When you brought the last log in, night had fallen and all that could be seen was snow continuing to fall. You stamped the snow off of your boots, the wet already starting to seep in through to your stockings. You removed the wet brown leather boots, peeling off your wet stocking, hanging them to dry in front of the fire. You settled into your green chair, curling up with one of your books, settling in for what would be the first of many cold nights. 

You had not realized you fell asleep in your chair until you suddenly jolted awake. You looked around, confused and disorientated. The fire had burned low and the light had dimmed around you. You sat up, rubbing the soreness out of your neck from the ache of the angle you had slept on it. A faint knocking at your door made you realize what had jolted awake in the first place. Rubbing your eyes, you slowly stood up, bumping around in the darkness until you made it to the door.

You figured it was probably Finn just checking in on you, making sure that you would be fine before he got snowed in too.

“Finn?” You asked, slowly opening the door, fighting to keep the wind from blowing it open. You peaked around the corner and didn’t see Finn there. In fact, you saw no one there. You looked around the swirling snow confused. You could have sworn you heard someone knocking at the door. It was when you heard a weak moan that your eyes finally looked down and saw him there. 

You gasped, losing your grip on the door. It swung open, letting the cold and the snow into your cabin. None of that mattered to you, because Kylo Ren was propped up against your doorway, covered in blood.

“Kylo!” You gasped, dropping down to him. He muttered something unintelligible, blood covering his face. You looked around to see if anyone else was nearby, but all you saw was the streak of red blood bright against the white snow. The trail would be gone soon enough, the snow still coming in heavily. You grabbed Kylo, moving your arms under his armpits to heave him into the cabin. You had to get him inside and get him warm before anything else. His large body was cold in your hands. It took a while to get him inside. Your teeth were chattering when you finally got him next to the dying fire. You shoved the door shut and threw another log onto the fire, the flames slowly coming back to life, illuminating the room. 

Now you could survey the damage. The blood on his face was all his own. You tried not to cry at the sight of the large wound crossing his face. He had been slashed from the corner of his mouth, up in a diagonal across his beautiful face. You started wiping away his blood, concerned about the blue tint to his lips. Why wasn’t the fire warming him up? It was only then that you realized he had another wound at his side and was losing more and more blood. 

Adrenaline course through your veins. You didn’t have much time to act. The cold weather would have slowed his blood flow. Even if you were able to stop the bleeding, there was going to be a high risk of infection.

You grabbed your hot poker, setting it directly in the flame, watching the metal turn red with the heat. You needed to cauterize the wound to stop the bleeding, only then would you be able to combat the hypothermia. You tore away at the stupid black clothing, the dark fabric hid just how much blood there was. Which was probably why he wore it. 

Kylo was awake, which was good, but he was incoherent. Mumbling and muttering nonsense. The poker was ready. The window of opportunity was closing. It was now or never.

“I’m so sorry, my darling.” You whispered, before pressing the hot metal against the wound. Kylo screamed out in pain, thrashing about until his body went slack.

“No, no, no. You stay awake for me!” You cried. You wanted to shake him awake, but you still needed to get to the other opening of his wound on his back. You reheated the poker, and turned his limp body onto his side. Silent tears streamed down your face, but you were too busy to let yourself truly cry. Kylo cried out in pain when you closed the wound on his back. Good, sound was good.

“I’m done Kylo, I’m done.” You told him. “Now all I need to do is wrap you up and get you warm. So stay awake for me. Okay?” 

You ran to your dresser, pulling out a clean set of sheets, tearing the linen into long sheets. You started wrapping up his side, needing to keep the burns clean. Once you finished that you returned to his face. Kylo was still very pale. You were going to need to stitch up his face to close the wound. It killed you to put him through more pain, but it was all you could do. You ran to your sewing kit and found the bottle of whisky Rose had hidden for you among the scraps as a treat for the winter.

You brought the bottle with you, opening the amber liquid. You lifted Kylo’s head and poured the whisky into his mouth. He coughed and sputtered.

“You have to drink it. It will make you feel better.” You promised. You took a swig of the burning liquid as well before setting to work. You tried to calm your trembling hands as you slowly worked your needle and thread through the delicate skin. 

When you finally finished, you were just as covered in blood as he had been. You were too scared that moving him into your bed would reopen any wounds, so you brought your bedding down on the ground to him. He was still too cold for your liking. You knew skin to skin contact would be the quickest way to restore his body heat, so you stripped out of your ruined dress and undergarments. 

You gently laid besides him, trying not to disturb any of his wrappings. You wiped away the tears from your eyes as you looked down at his scarred face. His breathing was shallow. You did everything you could, but would it be enough for him to last the night? It had been so, so much blood. 

You brushed his long dark hair away from his face.

“Stay with me, my love.” You whispered to his drawn face, gently laying a kiss upon his furrowed brow. 

“I love you.” You admitted, remembering what Poe had told you. Tomorrow wasn’t promised, you couldn’t wait the night to tell him. Even if he wasn’t fully conscious, you had told him. You weren’t sure if you hurt any less from saying it, only time would tell you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh-oh, it's not looking good folx.  
> the stakes are not only raised, but still rising  
> i believe the moon is currently in sagittarius, which is my moon sign, so i apologize for the drama that it brings but still thank it for giving me the motivation to finally finish this chapter  
> love you all! thanks for sticking with me and this story!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for an illumination

You slept restlessly that night, too concerned about the body of the man besides you. Slowly his body warmed and you were able to pass a few hours asleep. When you woke, the concern shifted from Kylo’s body being too cold, to being too hot. His whole body was feverish and you were afraid it could be the result of an infection. You had to break his fever quickly, you didn’t trust that his body would be able to fight it for too long. 

You built the fire up again and wrapped Kylo up in as many blankets as you had in your cabin. After that you started wrapping him in all of your shawls and wraps. Any piece of scrap fabric in your possession was covering him. 

Kylo was still unconscious through all of this, but you could see the sweat gathering on his brow. You needed to make sure he didn’t get dehydrated through this, or you would be back at square one in trying to save his life. 

You dressed quickly, and headed for the door to see if you could make it to the well. When you opened the door, you quickly reached up to shield your eyes. Bright, white blinding light pierced your gaze. The snowfall was reflecting the light of the sun, making it almost painful to look at. When your eyes finally adjusted, your heart dropped into your stomach. The snow was piled high, blocking your way out of the door. It was just as Poe promised, the several feet of snow reaching to the height of your waist. There was no way you were getting out, and there would be no one able to make it through the snow to come check on you for at least a few days. 

With the well water not an option, you used your bucket instead to fill it with snow and set about melting the snow down and boiling it into drinking water. Being snowed in was actually a bit of a relief. You could focus on getting Kylo back into a semblance of health without the fear of your friends stopping by. One less thing to worry about on the list as long as your arm.

The day passed with Kylo slipping in and out of consciousness. Whenever you could, you made him drink water. He didn’t seem to know where he was or who you were. Nothing he said made any sense, his words slurred and mumbled. You checked the dressings on his wounds and changed them, tossing the soiled homemade bandages into a pot to clean so you could reuse them. 

Finally, after night fall, Kylo’s fever fully broke. The danger had passed. Hopefully in the morning he would be able to answer the questions that had been burning in your mind for the last twenty four hours. For now you curled up besides him and watched him as he slept peacefully by the fire. 

Something heavy landed on top of you, waking you. Before your eyes adjusted to the darkness, something else landed on top of you. You sat up quickly, realizing that you were being covered with fabric. You rubbed your eyes and looked over to see Kylo struggling to escape from the cocoon of fabric you had encased him in.

“Kylo! Stop it!” You told him, reaching over to make him lay back down.

“You’ll reopen your wounds.” You warned him, pushing him back down on his back.

You started pulling the many layers off of him until there was a small mountain besides the two of you. You need more light to assess how much damage he had done to his dressings in all that movement.

“That was a bit excessive, don’t you think?” Kylo asked, trying to sit up before clutching his side and falling back down to the ground.

“Shut up and lay still.” You ordered, tossing another log into the fire, the orange light spreading around the room.

You moved his hand and slowly peeled off the bandage. The skin was red and angry, but the wound had luckily not reopened. You breathed a sigh of relief and started to wrap it up again.

“You’re grumpy in the morning.” Kylo commented. You glared at him as you continued to redress his side.

“What day is it?” Kylo asked.

“Why, have somewhere better to be?” You replied, applying ointment to his inflamed skin. Kylo took a sharp intake of breath, but showed no other reaction.

“How long was I out?” He asked.

“About two days.” You told him, wiping your hands on your skirt as you rose. “You showed up frozen at my door, half alive.” You walked over to the basin to wash your hands. You turned back to face him, leaning against the table.

“What happened Kylo?” You asked, straightforwardly. You were tired and had no patience for his halfway answers.

Kylo was staring into the fire besides him. He lifted a hand slowly to his face, tracing his slashed face. You slowly crossed over to him, kneeling down besides him, taking his hand away and gently pressing a kiss to the back of it. Kylo’s gaze moved over you, his warm brown eyes flickering with the reflection of the fire in them. He brushed the back of his hand against your cheek, and you instinctively leaned into his touch. 

“We were ambushed.” Kylo told you. 

“Hux?” You asked, though you already knew the answer. This must have been what Poe had told you about. The big thing that the General had been working towards. Hux told you himself, Lothal was the vase that he was waiting to tip over. You hoped that whatever Finn, Rey, and Poe had been working on was still able to be set into motion.

“We knew they were after us. The Knights, we had a hidden encampment in a set of caverns. We were hiding in there for a while, but when the weather turned we didn’t have enough supplies to last being snowed in...the army was waiting for us…” Kylo’s voice trailed off. 

You didn’t force anymore out of him. It was clear that things had not gone well. You only hoped that the other Knights had been able to escape as well, but you weren’t sure. 

“Why did you come here?” You asked him. Kylo tilted his head back.

“Should I not have?” He asked.

“No, that’s not what I’m trying to say. Didn’t you have someone closer to go to?” You said, not meeting his eyes. 

Kylo was silent for a moment, before drawing his hand out of your grip.

“Do I look so horrifying that you can’t look at me?” He asked. You looked up at him, startled by what he was asking you. 

“What?” You asked.

“You won’t look at me.” He stated, drawing his finger down the stitches across his face. 

“Because I’m nervous, Kylo.” You corrected him, shaking your head.

“Nervous?” He asked, confused. 

“Yes, you make me nervous.” You said with a light laugh. You couldn’t believe he didn’t know what impact he had on you.

“Because my face scares you…” He said decidedly, turning back to look at the fire.

“I didn’t even know what you looked like when we first kissed.” You said, grabbing his face to turn it back to make him look at you, “You think a little scar will scare me away?”

“Then why are you nervous?” He furrowed his brow.

“How much do you remember...from when you were out of it, when you first got here?” You asked slowly. 

“It’s a blur.” He admitted.

“Do you remember why you came here?” You asked.

“Why would I go anywhere else?” He shrugged.

“Surely you had closer friends to help you.” You told him. You weren’t sure why you were grilling him, but you needed something from him. Any indication that his appearance wasn’t a circumstance of geography, but of trust.

“They’re not you.” He told you, sending your heart racing.

“Oh…” You said breathlessly. It was honestly more of an admission than you ever expected. Poe’s declaration ran through your mind again, tomorrow was not promised...

“Wildfire-”

“I love you, Kylo. I know you can’t love me back, you can’t be tied down, I don’t need you to say it back either. If this is too much, I understand. I just cannot hold it in anymore.” You blurted out.

Kylo didn’t react. His expression frozen, eyes locked in on your own. You slowly swallowed, your mouth suddenly dry. You couldn’t stand his silence, the only sound coming from the crackle of the fire. You pulled away from him and crossed over to the water you gathered, lifting the cup to your mouth with shaky hands.

“I know.” His voice said softly behind you. Your breath escaped from your lungs, you slowly set down the cup.

“I know, I heard you.” Kylo said. You closed your eyes and sighed, letting your body lean up against the wall by the fireplace. You peeked over your shoulder back at him. Kylo had carefully sat up, leaning his back against your bed. He caught your peaking and reached out his hand to you. You shyly sunk to the floor and moved to his side. Kylo traced his knuckles along your cheek.

“It’s only been you, it’s always been you.” He told you, resting his forehead against your own. You took in a shaky breath, waiting to wake up from this dream. This had to be a dream right? His skin felt warm and real against yours. His arm around your waist, holding you close to him felt too solid to be a trick of your mind. His lovely full lips, barely brushing against your own made chills run down your spine. 

“Kylo-” You whispered as his lips drew back.

“Ben.” He interrupted. “Call me Ben.” He requested. His name. He wanted you to say his name.

“I love you, Ben.” 

Ben’s lips crashed against yours. His free hand coming up to cradle the back of your head. To keep your face close to his. You tried to be cautious of his cuts and bruises, but soon the high of the situation fogged over your brain. All that you could think of was him and how to get closer to him. It was only when he gasped that your brain snapped back.

“Sorry.” You said, pulling away, but Ben kept his hold on you, not letting you retreat.

“It’s nothing.” He told you, drawing you close again, but you shook your head and detangled yourself from his embrace.

“You need to rest.” You told him. Any physical activity would be unwise at the moment. His wounds were still too fresh and too much movement would just wipe away all the work you did the other day.

“I need you.” Ben said, his eyelids heavy and filled with lusty thoughts. You felt your stomach drop at the sight. It almost made you change your mind. Almost.

“You can have me whenever you want me.” You told him, putting your bedding back on your mattress.

“I want you now.” He said, trying to stand up, before clutching his side. You rushed over and helped him crawl into your bed. He looked exhausted from the effort, and his bandages held up thankfully. That was a good sign.

“Tomorrow, maybe. If you pass my inspection.” You told him, as you sat besides him on the edge of the bed.

“Wildfire-” He said, trying to lower his voice to you, but his exhaustion was quickly taking over.

“Ben.” You replied sternly. He smiled at you, but stopped arguing. 

You curled up besides your lover. Lover. The title that finally fit what the two of you were. Your head felt like it was spinning, in the best possible sense. Was a person allowed to be this happy? If it was illegal then you might as well as consider yourself an outlaw, you thought with a smile as you drifted into a dreamless sleep.  What does one dream about when all their wildest dreams come true?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was a horrible day, but I am so happy that I can have control over something, like this story lol.  
> Stay tuned for something spicy next time, i promise you, scouts honor!  
> With a cathartic chapter like this, what could possibly go wrong? Hehe...


End file.
